Fifty Shades Apart
by MrsLuthor
Summary: A 'what-if' type story that picks up where the first book ends, after Ana leaves Christian . The sequel is now being posted. Check out Gone, Baby, Gone for the continued adventures after Fifty Shades Apart
1. Chapter 1

[No infringement intended. I do not own/am not affiliated with any of the characters or creators of the characters. Any recognizable parts are not my work, but added in order to relate better to the book.]

- I'm almost through the fifth chapter, so hopefully I don't fall behind, but I will try to post regularly and keep up with the chapters.

- EDIT: So, I've been told that the change in POV is confusing, and I couldn't figure out why. Apparently, the separators that I put in the word document didn't transfer when it was uploaded. I apologize for the confusion, and I'm going to make sure to add them in after uploading to try to end the confusion!

**Chapter One**

"_Count Anastasia!" _

His voice still echoes in my head. My own voice echoes in there as well.

"_One!"_

Even now, it sounds like an expletive. The tears started at three. Surely, by five he could hear my anguish. Why did he continue? Why did he want to hurt me? I couldn't bear his touch afterwards, but now, I find myself longing for it.

"_Don't hate me."_

His whispered words still roll around in my head, tumbling alongside the rest of them. How can I hate him? I love him.

"_I've fallen in love with you."_

He was mortified when I told him. Despite that though, I can't be what he needs. No matter how much I love him, I couldn't live through that experience again. I had to tell him that

"_I can't make you happy_."

I idly wonder if I should not have left behind his gift. Did he open it and build the model glider, or does it remain, untouched, in the submissive suite. Is it a constant reminder for him of what happened? I frown. It was meant as a memory of the day we soared, not the day we cut ties. Did he throw it away? I gave back the computer, the car, and the blackberry because I didn't want them as reminders of him. Perhaps I should have given him the same courtesy, rather than leave tokens of what could have been hidden around his apartment.

"_I don't want you to go."_ His voice was full of longing and his grey eyes were pained. I had to.

I left him. The only man I've ever loved. The only man I've ever slept with.

…

The apartment is achingly empty and unfamiliar. I have not lived here long enough for it to feel like home. Kate is still on her extended vacation. Tomorrow will be one week, plus a day, post-Christian. It's also Monday, which means my weekend spent on the sofa in the dark is coming to an end, and I'll be forced to smile and exchange niceties with my colleagues and bosses as I embark on my first day of work at SIP. I both dread and look forward to it. Perhaps not having the freedom to cry for a solid eight hours will help relax the permanently tensed muscles in my face.

…

The bus makes me nauseous. The slow jostle of the large vehicle as it maneuvers through the Seattle streets, absorbing every miniscule bump in the road. I wouldn't have noticed them in the Audi. Christian's cheque remains untouched in its seemingly permanent home beneath a WSU magnet on the refrigerator. I've had neither the time nor the energy to go to the bank to cash it or purchase a new car. Frankly, I think, no, I know he was overly generous. There is no way that anyone paid such a substantial amount for Wanda. Good ole, trusty, rusty Wanda. I'd give anything for the comfort of having that large piece of what home means to me again. She's long gone. I have a small fortune. I could buy a new car eventually without going into debt, but it won't be the warm, welcoming vehicle that Wanda was. It will be just another cold, shiny reminder of Christian Grey.

_Shit._ I promised myself I wouldn't think about him today.

My day goes by in a blur of praise from my new boss, Jack Hyde, and my over-friendly colleagues making me feel at home. It's a welcome distraction from the void I've felt since last Saturday.

I don't have a moment to remember how much I hate being alone in this empty apartment before the door buzzer startles me from my anguish. My heart skips a beat as I press the intercom.

"Delivery for Ms. Steel." The disembodied voice replies, and I head downstairs to retrieve it. I return to my apartment with a huge package, which is surprisingly light for such a size. Inside the box are two dozen long-stemmed white roses and a note.

Congratulations on your first day at work.  
I hope it went well.  
And thank you for the glider. That was very thoughtful.  
It has pride of place on my desk.

Christian

I stare at the typed card, and the hollow in my chest expands, enveloping me. No doubt his assistant sent these. Christian probably had very little to do with it. The roses are beautiful, and I can't bring myself to throw them in the trash.

…

The pattern begins. Wake, work, cry, sleep. Attempt to sleep anyways. My nights are spent restless. My appetite is gone, but I force myself to try a cup of yogurt or a banana during the day.

I'm only eight hours away from surviving my first week at SIP. I'm getting comfortable in my new position and growing somewhat excited by the fact that Ethan, Kate's brother, should be home from Barbados this afternoon. His company in the empty apartment will be a welcome change.

Jack has started to hover over me, irritating me, asking me personal questions. I'm polite, but I need to keep him at arm's length. He wanders away when Claire, the receptionist at the front desk, buzzes me to let me know that someone is here to see me, and I, with a brief smile, leave my desk to attend to who, I'm guessing, is Ethan. He called me at home last night to let me know he'd be stopping by on his way home from the airport to collect the apartment keys from me.

As I enter the reception area, Ethan is leaning casually against Claire's desk, smiling and chatting her up like only Ethan could. He smiles when he notices me, standing up and pulling me into a hug.

"Steele!" He exclaims, hugging my slight frame tightly for a moment. When he releases me, I smooth the creases out of my – Kate's – dress and smile back, holding the keys out to him with a flourish. He eyes me strangely for a moment, but doesn't say anything. I assume it's because the last time he saw me, I was about 10 or 15 pounds heavier.

"Ana, we're all going out for a drink tonight." Claire says, glancing briefly at Ethan before returning her gaze to me. "You and your friend should come out. Let us buy you a drink to celebrate your first week." She continues, her eyes wide as if she wants me to read between the lines. Ethan smiles at Claire. He's obviously aware of her not-so-subtle invite.

"I don't know. Ethan's probably exhausted, and I don't want to leave him hanging at the apartment alone."I say, hoping he'll back me. I really just want to peel off this dress and settle into my flannel pajama pants and loose t-shirt in front of the TV.

"Don't worry about it, Steele." He says to me before turning to Claire. "We'll be there."He says with a wink. _Oh, Ethan, really?_ My subconscious screams as I plaster a polite smile on my lips.

"I guess we'll be there." I say to Claire before glancing over at Ethan. "I finish at five." I tell him before he tosses his bag over his shoulder, waves, and breezes out the door.

"Wow." Claire says with a sigh. She's obviously smitten with Ethan. He's equally attractive as Kate. Her entire family is comprised of attractive blondes. It's no surprise to me that Claire is completely enchanted by Ethan. I suppose I was at first too, but four years and being intertwined into the Kavanaugh family quickly changed the way I saw Ethan.

…

Ethan is promptly present at the office twenty minutes late. Jack, Claire, Elizabeth and a few others that I haven't gotten to know very well have all headed over to the bar. Ethan apologizes for being late, but that's just Ethan.

We walk into the bar and Claire, eyeing us immediately, scurries over to greet us with two beers in hand. I discreetly roll my eyes, knowing she's only doing it because she likes Ethan.

I don't normally drink and haven't been drunk since the night Kate, Jose, Levi and I celebrated graduation, and I drunk dialed Christian, but I'm well on my way through my third beer and beginning to feel moderately buzzed. I watch as Ethan and Claire return from the dance floor, laughing about something. No doubt Ethan has been flirting up a storm with my colleague. I smile at them both briefly before suggesting that we head out. I think Ethan can tell I'm beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol because he gives me _that_ look; the one that says "You're a lightweight, Steele."

I'm chatty for the entire cab ride back to the apartment, and then the entire walk up the stairs, and even more so while Ethan is unlocking the door. He's humouring me, and I'm aware that I'm being overly chatty, but I can't, for the life of me, _stop talking._

We both plop onto the sofa, and I've finally found the mute switch on my verbal vomit until Ethan has to go and ask _the_ question.

"So where's your boyfriend?"

I clear my throat as the lump begins to form, blinking my eyes a few times and staring straight ahead at the wall in front of us while I try to compose myself. I've done so well today. This is it. Here it comes.

And suddenly, I'm sobbing into my hands. The dams are broken and there really is no going back from here.

"Uh..." I hear Ethan stutter a few insignificant syllables as he sits dumbfounded next to me. I don't cry. Frankly, I'm next to positive that Ethan has never seen me cry.

"I'm sorry." I sniffle, trying desperately to control my emotions, but they really will have none of it. I feel his awkwardly placed hand on my shoulder, and he squeezes it reassuringly. When I finally turn to look at him, his features are warm and he has a regretful smile.

"Sorry I asked." He says softly, and I think he's genuinely sorry. In fact, I know he is, because he shifts closer to me on the couch and slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer and pulling my head onto his shoulder. "I know I'm not Kate, but I am staying in her room, so we can pretend if you need to bitch about your asshole ex-boyfriend." He says, making me blush and smile slightly.

It's not as if I can tell him everything. I've signed an NDA, but it's nice to have someone to pull me back from the black hole I tend to spiral down when I'm crying alone in the dark, empty apartment.

…

Ethan is easy to talk to. He spent the weekend dragging me out around Seattle. It's been helpful in keeping my mind off of Christian, but he's still there in the back of my mind, and when the lights go out and Ethan and I go to our respective bedrooms, the pain is raw and new again.

…

I sit and begin trawling through a pile of correspondence addressed to Jack. Week three and I'm still happily entertained with the menial tasks he gives me. I'm distracted from my thoughts when my email notification pings.

Holy shit. An e-mail from Christian. _Oh no, not here . . . not at work._ I hesitate briefly before clicking the message.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Tomorrow

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastasia,  
Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?  
I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you—should you wish.  
Let me know.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I've forgotten completely about Jose's show. I need to call him. I dial his number, wondering while it rings if Christian truly believes I've not had time to purchase a car, or if he's aware that I've still not taken his cheque to the bank.

I speak briefly with Jose, assuring him that I'll be at his show before quickly hanging up. The last thing I need is trouble at work for making personal calls. I roll my eyes when I answer my next call to Ethan's booming voice. He's in the area and wants to take me to lunch. I glance momentarily at the yogurt cup on my desk. My appetite is still not what it should be. I change the subject, finding a perfect excuse to decline lunch with Ethan.

"Actually, I have to finish a bunch of things today. I was hoping to go to Portland tomorrow."I explain before then divulging the details about Jose's gallery opening. Ethan seems excited. I think it's less to do with Jose and more to do with the fact that I'm voluntarily leaving the house after work hours. He offers to drive and go with me, volunteering the use of his mother's car for the night.

By the time we end our call, I realize I've still got to face Christian's email. I feel both saddened and proud that I can decline his invitation to drive me, reminding myself that we've agreed we're not good for each other. I choke back a sob. I can't cry at work, but my heart aches. Would it be so awful to see him?

_Yes!_ My subconscious shouts at me.

I quickly hit reply and fire off a polite response.

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Tomorrow

**To: **Christian Grey

Hi Christian

Thank you for the flowers; they were lovely.  
I appreciate the offer, but I'm going with a friend, and he'll be driving.  
Thank you anyway.

Anastasia Steele  
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP

I instantly regret it. Wishing I could have said yes and magically have everything fall back into place, but my logical brain reminds me, quite bitterly actually, that I can't be what Christian needs.

…

I'm wearing another one of Kate's dresses. I really need to invest in similar items for my own wardrobe. It' black and one of the smaller items she has, but it still hangs somewhat loosely in certain areas where I've lost weight.

Ethan went in search of drinks, leaving me staring at a giant canvas featuring a mountain range at sunset. Jose really does lovely work. His photos are very evocative.

* * *

I scan the room slowly, seeking her out. My eyes zero in on her almost immediately. She's laughing with the photographer friend and the man she came with, Kavanaugh. I wonder briefly if it was a mistake for me to come here, but when she told me she'd be getting a ride with a male friend, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I can't let her move on to some other guy. Not until I know for sure that I can't win her back. These past three weeks have been hell. I need her. She's the only light in my dark life.

* * *

My scalp prickles as an uneasy feeling settles in on me. Just as suddenly, our conversation is interrupted. Ethan, Jose, and I all turn to address the person approaching us, clearing his throat politely.

_Shit._ My subconscious grumbles, aware that we're t-minus ten seconds away from the uncontrollable sobs and streaky mascara.

As I stand gaping at him, stunned into silence, he gently removed my empty glass and replaces it with a fresh glass of wine, smoothly handing the empty glass off to a passing waiter.

"Mr. Kavanaugh. Mr. Rodriguez."He says politely, but the steely glare emanating from his grey eyes speak volumes.

_How does he know Ethan?_ My subconscious asks, already knowing the answer is that Christian Grey's stalking knows no bounds.

"Anastasia."He says smoothly, his mouth caressing my name as he turns to me. His eyes travel over my body once, twice, a third time before they meet mine. Grey to blue. His look is a mixture of pain and anger, paralyzing me where I stand and stealing my breath.

Finally, I find my voice and release my held breath.

"Christian."I croak around the lump in my throat. It's been three weeks, why am I still so affected by him? "Wha—what are you doing here?" I ask, glancing quickly, through the corner of my eye, at Ethan and Jose. They don't look happy.

"I'm in the market for some new pieces for my bedroom. The walls are quite barren in there. Well, you know that. I'm looking for something with character to bring new life to the space." He says with a slight smile, and I know he's only here because I am.

"You're not welcome here, Grey." Ethan says through his clenched teeth. I glance over at him, appalled by his outburst and equally concerned for what Christian might do. Ethan doesn't meet my gaze. His eyes are cold and narrow, trained on Christian. Jose looks none-too-pleased as well. This is exactly what I need right now.

"Ana invited me." He replies simply. _I did?_ I wrack my brain and finally recall it; we were in the shower, and he had noticed how nervous I was to tell him about Jose's show.

Both Ethan and Jose whip their heads toward me, and I lift my shoulders in a slight shrug, trying to turn inside out on myself just to get away from their scrutinizing glares.

"Well, I mean, that was – we were still…"I stammer, unable to form a coherent sentence, but Ethan seems to understand what I was getting at.

"Well, she uninvited you when you broke her heart." He says, and I'm utterly shocked. I can't bear the intensity of what's unfolding in front of me. The pain in my chest is slowly eating its way forward, and the dams are beginning to erode.

"If Ana wants me to leave, she can tell me so herself."Christian says cooly before turning his attention to me. His eyes shift from cool and calculated CEO to concern again as they drift over my body. "Can we speak?" He asked me softly, taking a step closer. "Privately." He clarifies, glancing briefly at Ethan and Jose.

I follow his gaze to their angry faces and instantly know they're going to be pissed, but I need this. I need this moment to hear what he has to say, so I nod, ever so slightly, but I hear Ethan's exasperated sigh as Christian takes my hand and leads me toward the other side of the room.

"Why are we leaving?" I asked as I try to keep up with his quick paces toward the door.

"I'd rather not speak to you in a crowded gallery, Anastasia." He replies, stopping just long enough for me to catch up.

"So, where are we going?" I asked, my voice sounding panicked even to my own ears. I don't want to leave with him. I can't be alone with him. This isn't good.

He stops abruptly, and I bump into him. His eyes gaze down at mine, laced with concern.

"You're afraid to be alone with me."He says, and it's a statement, not a question.

_How does he do that?_ I wonder briefly as I stand dumbstruck in front of him.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"We're just going to sit in the car and talk. I have something important to discuss with you." He says, pointing out the front door to where Taylor is leaning against the Audi SUV, talking to someone on the other end of the phone.

I glance back to where we were standing just a moment ago and see Jose and Ethan glaring at Christian and I. They're lips are moving, but I'm unsure what they're saying. I'm almost glad I can't read lips. I'm sure it's nothing I'd appreciate hearing right now. I turn back to Christian, meeting his questioning eyes and nod, letting him lead me out the door to the car. He nods at Taylor to stay put and opens the door for me himself before climbing in next me.

I watch his movements, eyeing him warily and waiting for him to begin speaking, but he just stares blankly at me.

"You've lost weight." He finally says, his brow furrowing. "When was the last time you ate?" He asks, and I begin to panic.

"I eat." I say softly, staring down at my knotted fingers in my lap.

"You're skin and bones, Ana. When did you last eat a proper meal?" He asks again, his tone stern this time.

I worry my lower lip between my teeth, trying to think of a response that won't anger the beast, but my mind is drawing a blank.

"If my weight is the topic that you were so eager to discuss with me, I'll be going back to the party now."I say softly as I reach for the door handle, though I'm not completely convinced of my threat.

"Ana, please." He says. His voice sounds pained and desperate as he reaches for my other hand in my lap. I turn my eyes, glaring directly into his, bold with an unspoken strength that I don't actually feel.

"I have a proposition for you."

"This started with a proposition."

"A different proposition." He clarifies. "I don't want to lose you, Anastasia." He kisses my knuckles tenderly, and the touch of his lips on my skin resonates throughout my body.

I stare at him, my eyes have softened, but I'm still on the offensive, prepared to bolt should the tears threaten to attack.

"Let me ask you something first." He says, obviously gathering, from my expression, that I'm waiting for him to elaborate. "Do you want a regular, vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?"

My mouth drops open. "Kinky fuckery?" I squeak.

"Kinky fuckery."

"I can't believe you said that." I glance nervously around the empty car as if someone may have heard us.

"Well, I did. Answer me," he says calmly.

I flush. My inner goddess is down on bended knee with her hands clasped in supplication begging me.

"I like your kinky fuckery," I whisper.

"That's what I thought. So what don't you like?"

_Not being able to touch you. You enjoying my pain, the bite of the belt . . ._

"The threat of cruel and unusual punishment."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you have all those canes and whips and stuff in your playroom, and they frighten the living daylights out of me. I don't want you to use them on me."

"Okay, so no whips or canes—or belts, for that matter," he says sardonically.

I gaze at him puzzled. "Are you attempting to redefine the hard limits?"

"Not as such, I'm just trying to understand you, get a clearer picture of what you do and don't like."

"Fundamentally, Christian, it's your joy in inflicting pain on me that's difficult for me to handle. And the idea that you'll do it because I have crossed some arbitrary line."

"But it's not arbitrary; the rules are written down."

"I don't want a set of rules."

"None at all?"

"No rules." I shake my head, but my heart is in my mouth. Where is he going with this?

"But you don't mind if I spank you?"

"Spank me with what?"

"This." He holds up his hand.

I squirm uncomfortably. "No, not really. Especially with those silver balls . . ." Thank heavens it's dark, my face is flaming and my voice trails off as I recall that night. _Yeah_ _. . . I'd do that again_.

He smirks at me. "Yes, that was fun."

"More than fun," I mutter.

"So you can deal with some pain."

I shrug. "Yes, I suppose." Oh, where is he going with this? My anxiety level has shot up several magnitudes on the Richter scale.

He strokes his chin, deep in thought. "Anastasia, I want to start again. Do the vanilla thing and then maybe, once you trust me more and I trust you to be honest and to communicate with me, we could move on and do some of the things that I like to do."

I stare at him, stunned, with no thoughts in my head at all—like a computer crash. He gazes at me anxiously, but I can't see him clearly, as we're shrouded in the Oregon darkness. It occurs to me, finally, this is it.

He wants the light, but can I ask him to do this for me? And don't I like the dark? Some dark, sometimes. Memories of the Thomas Tallis night drift invitingly through my mind.

"But what about punishments?"

"No punishments." He shakes his head. "None."

"And the rules?"

"No rules."

"None at all? But you have needs."

"I need you more, Anastasia. These last few weeks have been purgatory. All my instincts tell me to let you go, tell me I don't deserve you." He says, his voice soft. "When I saw you with your friends, you looked so untroubled and happy, but here you sit. I see your pain, and it's hard knowing that I'm the one who made you feel this way." He sighs and runs his free hand through his hair.

"But I'm a selfish man. I've wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I am in awe of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."

"Christian, why do you think you have a dark soul? I would never say that. Sad maybe, but you're a good man. I can see that . . . you're generous, you're kind, and you've never lied to me. And I haven't tried very hard.

"Last Saturday was such a shock to my system. It was my wake-up call. I realized that you'd been easy on me and that I couldn't be the person you wanted me to be. Then, after I left, it dawned on me that the physical pain you inflicted was not as bad as the pain of losing you. I do want to please you, but it's hard."

"You please me all the time," he whispers. "How often do I have to tell you that?"

"I never know what you're thinking. Sometimes you're so closed off . . . like an island state. You intimidate me. That's why I keep quiet. I don't know which way your mood is going to go. It swings from north to south and back again in a nanosecond. It's confusing and you won't let me touch you, and I want to so much to show you how much I love you."

He blinks at me in the darkness, warily I think, and I can resist him no longer. I scramble astride his lap, taking him by surprise as I take his head between my hands and kiss him firmly on the lips.

"I love you, Christian Grey. And you're prepared to do all this for me. I'm the one who is undeserving, and I'm just sorry that I can't do all those things for you. Maybe with time . . . I don't know . . . but yes, I accept your proposition. Where do I sign?"

He snakes his arms around me and crushes me to him. "Oh, Ana," he breathes as he buries his nose in my hair.

Suddenly, we're a tangled mess of tongues and hands on behinds and hands in hair. He's hard beneath me. Deepening the kiss, I press myself against him and feel, rather than hear, him moan into my mouth. His hands move under my dress, pushing it up my thighs until it's bunched around my waist. I watch his face as his fingertips trace the lace trim on my panties on my inner thigh. His eyes shift slowly to mine, questioning, and my lips part as I gasp and nod slightly.

"I hope you're not too attached to these." He mumbles, grinning wolfishly before his thumb presses through the fabric, tearing my panties from my body.

"I miss this." He whispers, burying his nose in my hair as we begin to move, finding the rhythm we both know so well.

"Mine." He whispers harshly as I explode around him, bringing his climax with me.

…

"Come home with me." Christian whispers as I sit curled up beside him in the back of the SUV.

"I can't just leave Ethan. We came together." I say, knowing he won't be happy with my answer.

"Is he your boyfriend?" He asks, and my jaw drops.

"Of course not!" I say, sitting up to stare at his face.

"He lives with you." He states simply, challenging my answer.

"He's Kate's brother." I say defensively.

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"You're acting very jealous." I say, crossing my arms like a petulant teenager and turning to look out the window.

"Did you fuck him?"

I whip my head around to face him, my eyes full of fury. "Why would you—you… Would it change anything if I had?" I challenge him, appalled that he would think I would jump into the bed of the next man who crossed my path.

His eyes narrow and he stares at me for a long moment.

"Well?" I ask.

"You never answered my question." He replies.

"You first." I say.

"Excuse me for a moment." He says, opening the door and stepping out of the car and slamming the door closed.

_Where the hell is he going?_

I slide over to his newly vacated seat and open the door, clambering out as he stalks toward the gallery doors. They open suddenly and Ethan steps out, looking up the street before seeing me.

"There you are." He says, a concerned expression marring his usually laid back features. "Everything okay?" He asks, as Christian and I both approach him.

"A word, Mr. Kavanaugh." Christian demands, stepping off to the side, away from the gallery doors.

"I think you've had enough words for tonight." Ethan says, stepping toward me. "Come on, Ana. Let's go back to the party."

"Did you fuck her?" Christian asks him, and my jaw drops.

"Christian!" I say, shocked by his outburst.

"We're dating. Didn't she tell you? You're olds news, Grey. Yesterday's trash." Ethan says with a shrug, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Ethan!" I gasp, my voice an octave too high. "We aren't—we didn't—" I stammer, seeing Christian's eyes narrow.

"She's over you. You should just move on. She doesn't need you around." Ethan says matter-of-factly as I step out of his embrace, shaking my head vigorously.

"No, no, no, no. Ethan, stop it." I say glaring at him as Christian steps closer to Ethan. I move between them, planting my hands on Christian's biceps, knowing this is a place I can touch, and trying to look into his eyes. They're trained on Ethan's face though.

"Back off, asshole."Ethan says, reaching around me.

As if in slow motion, I watch Ethan's hand press against Christian's chest, shoving him away from me and into the wall behind him. Christian doesn't hesitate. I think wryly that he's been trained not to. He lunges forward and around me at Ethan, punching him in the face and knocking him backward on the sidewalk, his skull bouncing off the concrete.

I drop to the ground beside Ethan, ignoring the screaming pain that shoots through my knees as I hit the sidewalk. I lean over him and look into his blinking eyes.

"Ana, we should go." I hear Christian mumble and turn toward him. Taylor is standing in front of him with his back to Ethan and I.

"He needs to go to the hospital."I say softly, unsure of what else can be said. I'm shocked by Christian's assault of Ethan, and of Ethan provoking him with lies, but at the moment all I know is that Ethan needs to have his head checked.

"Ana…" Christian says, his voice pained.

"Christian, just go!" I snap, not bothering to turn to look at him.

_Where did THAT come from?_

I see something white from the corner of my eye. I recognize it immediately. _How many of these does he have?_ I wonder as I accept the cloth handkerchief from Taylor and help Ethan sit up.

As I dab the cloth against Ethan's bloody lip, I hear the sound of car doors and the Audi roaring to life before it takes off down the street behind me.

"That was really stupid." I mumble, as Ethan pushes my hand away and tries to get up. I can see that he's disoriented, so I grab his forearms, forcing him to stay seated.

I'm thankful that the altercation took place off to the side. I'd hate to have photographers and gallery patrons to have seen the event unfold.

"Let me help you up." I say to him, getting to my feet and offering him my hand. He glares at me, wiping new blood from his lip onto the back of his hand before allowing me to pull him to his feet. "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Don't worry about it, Ana. I'm fine." He says, as he takes a stumbling step toward the street. I grab his arm, yanking him away from the curb and oncoming traffic.

"We're going to the hospital." I say with more conviction this time as I usher him toward our car.

…

"There doesn't seem to be any major damage." The doctor said, shining a small light in Ethan' eyes once more. "You may have a minor concussion, so I suggest you don't drive tonight."

"I think my roommate will drive me." He says, glancing toward me where I've been standing in the doorway with my arms crossed. Frankly, I'm furious with both Ethan and Christian, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm so livid that I've remained silent, with the exception of a 'hmm' or 'uh huh' in response to Ethan's questions, for the entire four hours we sat in the Emergency Room waiting area.

Taylor showed up at one point and gave Ethan his card, telling us to send him the bill. Ethan scoffed and made a comment about Christian being pompous ass for thinking Ethan couldn't afford his own medical bills, but he took the card anyways. I wanted to follow Taylor, to ask him where Christian was, but as I stood to catch up to him, the doctor called Ethan in and, again, I was torn between the two of them.

"Do you wanna grab something to eat before we get on the road?" Ethan asks as we climb into his car.

I sit down, fastening my seatbelt. "It's late." I reply without even looking at him as I put the car into gear.

"Are you going to be mad at me for the entire drive home?" He asks, nudging me so I'll look at him. I do, and he's smirking at me.

"Yes." I say simply, staring impassively at him for a moment before pulling out of the parking lot and heading toward Seattle.

…

It's 3:00 in the morning when I nudge Ethan to tell him that we're home, waking him from the sleep he's only just fallen into. He grumbles a bit, but rouses quite quickly when he sees my eyes glaring at him.

I climb out of the car and wordlessly head toward the front entrance of our building, holding the door for Ethan before stalking up the stairs in silence with him trailing behind him. We enter the apartment and he flops down on the sofa. I can feel him watching me as I drop my clutch on the counter and open the fridge. I grab the bottle of white wine, pour myself a glass and take a long slug of it.

"Ana…" He starts, but I glare at him, warning him not to speak to me. "You can't stay mad forever. I did you a favour. You really want that jackass to think he can just show up and convince you to take him back?"

"That should be my decision!" I shout, finally letting out everything I've been holding in for the past six hours.

"I've been here for the past few weeks. I've watched you cry over him. I've watched you basically starve yourself to the point of dropping, what is it? Twenty pounds?" He says, standing up and walking over to me. "I care about you, Ana. I was finally starting to see the old Steele again. I don't want to see you back at square one again." He continues.

I close my eyes as the tears trickle down my cheeks. "I love him, Ethan." I say softly. I feel the pad of his thumb brush across my cheek, wiping away the tears from just beneath my closed eye.

I gasp, opening my eyes and backing away when I feel his lips brush against mine. "What—what are you doing?" I stammer, backing further away from him until my back is pressed against the counter.

"Ana, I'm sorry. That was—I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He says as he hurries into Kate's room, leaving me dumbstruck.

Placing my empty glass on the counter and picking up my clutch, I head into my room. I really just want to forget this night ever happened.

_Not all of it was bad._ My inner goddess reminds me. I drop onto my bed and pull my phone out of my purse. I have two missed calls from Christian and a text.

*** CALL ME ***

I'm tempted to call, but I'm still furious with him. Would he really have ended our newly recovered and revamped relationship if I had slept with Ethan while we were broken up? Does he care that little for me that he could throw it all away? I want to kick myself for not immediately denying it, but I part of me needed to know that his feelings were really unconditional.

It's late… or early, I suppose, so I decide to wait until a more decent hour to call him back and fall asleep, fully clothed, and lying sideways on my bed.

…


	2. Chapter 2

[Some of you were concerned that this is too close to the original storyline, others have been asking for more, so I decided to post this second part tonight. I probably won't post at all tomorrow because I'll need to catch up. I figure having people asking for more might make me write faster, so feel free to nag!

Thanks for the subscriptions and reviews so far! I'm glad people are interested in reading more!

- on a side note: my chapter lengths are all roughly between 12 – 15 MS Word pages in Calibri size 11. I prefer longer chapters for posting because you get an actual good chunk of the story without too cliffhangers.]

**Chapter Two:**

It's noon before I finally crawl out of bed from my restless sleep. I'm still exhausted, but I'm uncomfortable being in my dress. I strip it off, wrap myself in a towel, and peek out my bedroom door before sprinting toward the bathroom. I don't want to bump into Ethan right now. I'm not sure how I feel about what happened last night between him and I, and I'm not sure if I've forgiven him or Christian yet for acting like Neanderthals.

When I make it back to my room, I realize that Ethan is either still sleeping or not home at all. I sit on the edge of my bed and pick up my phone. I have two new missed calls from Christian from earlier this morning and another text.

*** ANA, PLEASE CALL ME BACK ***

I suppose I should call him back. We need to talk. We need to decide what we're going to do. As furious as I am with him, I'm equally terrified that he believes Ethan and last night's proposition no longer stands for us. I dial his number and wait as it rings three times. Finally I hear it pick up.

"Hello?" A woman's voice answers. I'm stunned for a moment. I wasn't expecting this. Is it his assistant? "Hello?" She says again, and I realize I'd better find my voice before she hangs up.

"Uh, hi... I'm looking for Christian." I say anxiously. "It's Ana."

"I'm sorry, Ana. Christian's in a meeting. I'll let him know you called though." She says, hanging up before I have a moment to leave a message or thank her.

* * *

"Did someone call?" I ask as I enter my study. Elena smiles as she rises from my chair.

"No, I was just checking the weather for this weekend." She replies, handing me my Blackberry as she perches herself on the edge of my desk. "I'm going to New York to look at a location for a new salon. You should come." She says, but travelling is the last thing on my mind. I haven't heard from Ana. I don't even know if she arrived home safely from Portland.

I skim through my texts and recent callers list, but she hasn't replied to any of my texts or returned my calls. I'm worried. She was angry, but I'm becoming angrier with every passing minute that I don't hear from her.

"Taylor!" I shout, startling Elena. Taylor enters my study quickly. He must not have been far, perhaps in the kitchen with Gail. "Find out if Ana made it home from the hospital safely." I say. I know I sound brusque, but I'm tired of waiting.

"Christian, you're overreacting." Elena tells me. "She's a grown woman. I'm sure she made it home just fine. From what you told me, I don't doubt for one minute she's purposely ignoring your mule-headed self."

I glare at her. I'm well aware that I crossed a line last night by punching Kavanaugh. I don't even remember doing it. He touched me and everything went red. Suddenly, I was watching Ana tend to her friend where he lay on the ground and then I was in the car, driving away. The fragments didn't make sense last night. Why didn't she come with me? I couldn't figure out how we'd gone from reevaluating our relationship terms to her choosing the Kavanaugh boy over me.

Thinking about it makes me both angry and nauseous. He had his hands on her. He touched her, kissed her. She's supposed to be mine.

"Don't waste Taylor's time on this, Christian. I'm going toward the Pike Market District anyway. I'll drive by and see if she's around. What's the address?" Elena says. She sounds annoyed. Am I overreacting? I eye her warily for a long moment before she glares at me, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "The address?" She says again.

I hesitate, unsure if I want her to speak to Ana. "Just sit outside for a moment. Watch the window and see if she's in. Don't speak to her. I want to speak to her without any outside influence bogging up either of our minds." I say, speaking more sternly than I mean to, but at least I got my message across. Elena nods, putting her hands up as if surrendering, and I quickly jot down the address for her.

An hour later, I'm sitting in my study, staring at my phone as if I can will it to ring. I decide I'm tired of waiting and dial Elena's number.

"Christian, I was just about to call you." She says, picking up after only one ring. "She's home, or she was. I just saw her leave. She must have been going someplace nice. She was all dolled up and got into the car with a good looking blond man."

I throw my phone at the wall and watch it smash into several pieces. I've lost her.

* * *

"Ethan, I'm sorry." I sob, watching as he packs his things up from around the apartment. He's decided to stay at his parents' place until his apartment is available next month. After our conversation this afternoon, I don't blame him. "You don't have to go. You're welcome to stay here." I tell him for the hundredth time.

"Ana, I can't sit by and watch someone that I care about throw herself back at a shark who ripped her apart once already." He says, grabbing a t-shirt off the back of the sofa and jamming it into his bag.

"It's not like that." I try to explain again, but he hasn't heard me the first dozen times, what makes me think he'll get it now.

"It's exactly like that!" He shouts. "I watched you fall apart when you two broke up. You still never told me what happened, by the way, but whatever it was, it had to be bad. I had to literally pick you up off the floor because you were crying so hard. You've been so depressed, you couldn't bear to eat, let alone leave the house without me dragging you out kicking and screaming. He wrecked you, and you're just going to crawl back into his waiting arms to let him do it all over again!"

"We want to try again, under different circumstances, with different understandings of each other's needs, Ethan." I say, blinking back the tears.

"I was seriously falling for you, Ana. I—I can't stay here and watch you do this to yourself. If you decide you want to be with someone who actually cares about you… I hope for your sake it's not too late." He says before picking up his bag and walking out the door.

I gasp back a sob as the tears start streaming down my face. How did I get myself into this mess? I've never seen Ethan as anything more than a friend or a brother. I had no idea he cared for me in that way.

I wander over to the window and watch Ethan walk out to his mother's car. I left it parked on the street when we got home last night – this morning, and I can see him unlocking the trunk and tossing his bag inside.

As he drives away, I notice a woman sitting in a silver Mercedes answering her cell phone. She doesn't live in our building. I'd remember that car. At least she has the sense to pull over to answer her call. I muse to myself as I close the curtains and wander over to the sofa.

I plop down and bring my knees up to my chest, wondering if Christian is still working. It's been nearly four hours since I spoke to his assistant. _Is it too clingy to call him again?_ I wonder as I stare at my phone and see no new messages or calls have come in while Ethan and I had our big blowout.

_Screw it._ I dial his number and listen as it rings four times before the machine picks up. I hang up, not wanting to sob into his answering machine and decide to send him a text.

***I'M READY TO TALK IF YOU ARE ***

I hesitate, rereading what I've written several times before pressing the send button and clutching my phone to my chest as I allow my body to tip sideways, laying my head against the arm of the couch and closing my eyes.

It's dark out when I open my eyes and I realize I've fallen asleep. I frantically search the sofa cushions for my cell phone, locating it quickly and checking for any missed calls or messages. There is one from Jose, and I groan, deciding not to call him back in fear of having a repeat of the Ethan fiasco with Jose. _Why hasn't Christian called?_ I wonder, pulling myself off of the sofa long enough to shuffle into my bedroom and fall onto my bed.

* * *

"Your replacement phone, Sir." Taylor says, entering my study and handing me a new Blackberry.

"You were able to retrieve the data from the previous phone and load it onto here?" I ask, taking the phone and checking the settings.

"Yes, Sir." He replies with a nod before leaving again.

I scroll through the messages, but seen nothing new. I wonder if I should call her or if she's deliberately avoiding me because of what happened at the boy's show the night before last.

"Does it do tricks?"

I glance up, startled by the sound of Elena's voice.

"I'm sorry?" I say, curious.

"You're staring at that phone like it's about to do something phenomenal, and you don't want to miss it." She says with a laugh as she perches herself on the edge of my desk. I nod, acknowledging my understanding.

"I was hoping Ana had called." I mumble, tossing the phone onto my desk and reclining in my chair to look at her.

"Christian, you've gone through this before. You give them the option to leave. If they leave, you need to let them go." She scolds, reminding me of my first sub. She left after only two months. She didn't want anything to do with me. She changed her number, abandoned her car in a lot, and moved somewhere out of state.

"It's different with Ana. We were going to try a different arrangement." I say, knowing she already knows this.

"And then you basically called her a whore and put her friend, possibly her boyfriend, in the hospital." She says, her tone serious as she glares at me. I know what I did was wrong. I acted stupidly. Now it's cost me.

* * *

A persistent buzzing sound rouses me from my sleep. I grumble to myself as I roll out of bed and wander over to the door.

"Yes?" I mumble into the intercom.

"Delivery for Miss Steele." The voice replies.

"I'll be right down!" I say hurriedly as I slip on my shoes from beside the door and bolt down the stairs. The last time I had a delivery, it was flowers from Christian. _Maybe he's sent apology flowers! Maybe he's with the flowers!_ I think as I take the steps two at a time and fly through the lobby doors, nearly knocking the courier over.

I'm disappointed when I see that he's alone, and this wasn't some crazy romantic gesture on Christian's part. He hands me a large, familiar looking package, which I accept and sign for before heading back upstairs.

I already know they're flowers as I'm opening the box, holding my breath as I remove the lid. Inside lay two dozen red rose and a card. I smile and lift the card. My hearts jumps into my throat and my jaw hits the floor.

_No!_ My subconscious screams as I reread the card.

_You were right.  
I'm not 'boyfriend' material. I need a submissive, and you can't be that.  
Please accept these flowers as a parting gift and pay mind to the NDA you've signed.  
I'm sorry._

There's no signature on the typed card, but I realize that's because he's used less discretion in order to make his intentions clear.

All of my greatest fears about being with him, about starting fresh with him, come crashing into me full force. I fall to my knees, sobbing into my hands. I knew I'd never be enough for him.

…

"Ana, honey, are you okay? You look awful." Jack says as I try to sneak in discreetly. I'm a half hour late. I blame the extended time I spent kneeling in the shower when I began crying for the third time since I'd woken up.

"Just not feeling well." I mumble, keeping my head down. I tried to cover them, but my puffy, red eyes just kept showing through.

"Well, get settled in. I emailed you what I need done for today." He says, rubbing my back and sending shivers down my spine before he walks away.

…

"Excuse me, are you Ana?"

I turn, my key poised at the front door of the apartment. "Yes." I say, taking in the tall, blonde bombshell approaching me.

"Hi…" She says, looking unsure of herself. "I'm a friend of Christian's." She continues almost hesitantly.

"Oh." The sound of his name sends knives through my heart. _What does she want?_ I wonder.

"I'm the kind of friend who knows what really happened between you two…" She says, as if she's trying to hint at something. "I was hoping we could talk for a moment. Christian asked me stop by."

My heart wrenches again. Why is he doing this to me? "Sure, uh, come on up." I say, opening the door and holding it for her to enter.

I invite her to sit down on the sofa, dropping my purse on the end opposite of her and offer her a glass of wine, but she requests coffee. Luckily for her, I know how to make the coffee. I've taken up drinking it before work because it's the only thing that keeps me going with such a loss of my appetite.

I set the cups on the table and take a seat in the chair next to the sofa.

"So…" I say, staring into my coffee cup. She reaches over, placing a hand on my arm.

"He really is sorry. He just, he can't change, Ana." She says softly, and I nod, not making eye contact.

"I get it." _I DON'T GET IT!_

"He just wanted to make sure there was nothing else you needed, but he was afraid that showing up would upset you." She says, and I meet her eyes.

"I would never ask him for anything." I say, my eyes filling with tears.

"He knows you weren't interested in his money, sweetie." She says, rubbing my arm soothingly. "He just wants to make sure there are no loose ends or hard feelings."

I suppress a sob. _I'm a loose end. _

"It's fine. I don't need anything from him." I snap. She jumps at my harsh tone, spilling her coffee down the leg of my white slacks. _Shit._

"Oh gosh, Ana! I'm so sorry! You should put those to soak right away!" She gasps, looking rightfully contrite as she places her empty cup on the coffee table.

"I'll just be a moment." I say as I get up and move toward the bathroom.

I lock the door, holding my breath. I was already irritated that I'd had to postpone my 6pm breakdown on the kitchen floor to speak to this woman. _Christian's friend._ I wrack my brain. _Has she even told me her name?_ Either way, I now have to change into the only thing I have on hand in my bathroom: my oversized grey sweatpants. I sigh, stripping off my slacks and filling the sink with warm water, tossing them into it and hastily pulling on the sweatpants.

"Sorry." I mutter as I sit back down next to her.

"It's fine. I'm sorry about your pants." She says, frowning. "If you're sure there's nothing I can do for you…" She says, standing up.

I shake my head. I really just want this woman out of my apartment before I crumble to the floor.

"If you think of anything that you need," She says, opening her pocket book and pulling out a card. "Don't hesitate to call me. Christian likes to put a little distance when his, um, relationships, end. I'm available to talk or pass on any requests should you think of something once you've gotten over this hill."

She sounds all business-like now. As if this is a regular transaction for her to go through. I accept her card and see her out, feeling even more empty than I did before the encounter. I close the door, pressing my back against it and sliding down to the floor. I glance at the business card in my hand. Elena Lincoln. Her name is Elena Lincoln. _Mrs. Robinson!_ My subconscious screams. That woman was in my house, drinking my coffee, spilling it on me!

I'm furious. She would be the one Christian got to handle his dismissal notification. I'm such an idiot. I hate her even more. I groan, tearing up her card and throwing it away from me before folding my arms around my knees and crying into them.

* * *

It's just after six when I sit down to dinner alone at the bar. My phone vibrates violently against the marble surface and I groan, irritated by it and whoever is bothering me. It's probably a useless employee, too incompetent to make a decision of his or her own.

I drop my fork, picking up my blackberry and opening the new message in my email. I gasp, it's from Anastasia.

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Goodbye

**To: **Christian Grey

I'm sorry for putting this off so long. I didn't know how to put it into words.  
I can't be with you. I can't know you. It hurts too much to have you in my life.  
You were right about Ethan and I. Please, just leave me alone and let me move on.

Ana

I sigh, pushing my plate away. I've lost my appetite. I had my suspicions, but this was the confirmation I've been afraid of. She's really gone. I've lost her for good. I press reply, wanting to say goodbye to her one last time, to tell her I'm sorry for causing her so much pain.

A moment later, my email pings again. I open it hastily, hoping she's replied and there's been some mistake, but it's not her. My email has bounced. The user has blocked me. There's no going back. She doesn't want to hear from me. I could go to her apartment, but I don't want to hurt her further.

* * *

It's been two weeks since Christian's Mrs. Robinson showed up on my doorstep offering me an array of consolation prizes to ease my pain of losing him. I haven't heard from Christian or Ethan. Jose has called a couple of times, but I've been avoiding him.

Kate is due home any moment. I haul myself out of the sofa and try to tidy up the living room. When she bursts through the door all sun-kissed and bubbling, I realize I should have tidied myself up. I glance down briefly at my sweatpants and camisole before she envelops me into a hug.

"Oh my god, Ana! Are you doing the master cleanse? You look like you've dropped a million pounds!" She exclaims, holding me at arm's length to get a good look.

"I haven't been feeling well." I mumble, feeling self-conscious under her scrutiny.

"What happened?" She asks, pulling out the Katherine Kavanaugh Inquisition. I sigh. My chest is tightening, but I'm glad she's home. I've missed her, and I've missed having someone to force me out the door.

I close my eyes for a moment, preparing myself to say the words that I haven't yet spoken out loud. "Christian and I—we—" I choke. I can't do it, but she obviously gets it because she yanks me back into her arms, squeezing me tight against her body.

"He's a dumb jerk, Ana. He doesn't deserve you." She says softly, guiding us over to the couch and pulling me down beside her. "What you need is ice cream and liquor." She says, stroking my hair as I cry on her shoulder.

We sit for a long while, and I tell her the basics of what went down between Christian and I, and how he sent his ex over to placate me.

…

I wake from my nap and wander out of my room around dinner time. I'm actually hungry, and I see that Kate is on the phone.

"I ordered pizza." She whispers, covering the speaker. I nod, opening the fridge and pouring myself a glass of juice while she returns to her conversation.

"What's his problem?" I hear her say into the phone. "Mom, just give him the phone." She snaps, and I freeze. "Ethan, what's going on with you?" She asks.

I watch her intently from the safety of the kitchen as she listens, giving very few verbal responses. Ethan hasn't replied to any of my texts since he left, so I have no idea how he's doing. I see her nod once and then her head slowly turns toward me and I flinch at the look in her eyes.

I nervously bite my lip as I wait for her to end the call. She hangs up and slowly stands, her head cocked toward one side as she walks toward the kitchen. She leans on the island and stares at me.

"Tell me you didn't lead my brother on." She says eerily quietly. "Tell me that you didn't go out on a date with him, let the rich bastard interrupt, and then beat the shit out of Ethan." She continues, and I swallow hard. "Tell me, Ana. Tell me he's being dramatic right now."

I shrug, swallowing around the lump in my throat.

"My god, Ana! Christian Grey treated you like dirt and you turned around and did the same thing to Ethan! You deserve to be miserable right now! Ethan is beside himself! He feels like he just handed you to the vultures on a silver platter for trying to stand up for you and protect you!" She's shouting at me and I flinch at the volume of her voice.

"I tried to apologize to him." I mumble, but this just causes her eyes to flare even more.

"I'm so angry with you, Anastasia Steele." She whispers. She looks as if she's going to say something else, but the buzzer interrupts us. With one last glare, she walks over to the door and is informed that her pizza is downstairs. She leaves the apartment without another word, and I place my half full glass in the sink before heading back into my bedroom.

_So much for having Kate home._

…

We haven't spoken for two days now, and the apartment has a constant tense feeling. At one point, the night of our argument, I tried to tell her that Christian and I were intending on getting back together and Ethan went and provoked him. She says the same thing he did: "He was trying to protect me."

I walk in the door from work and see her sitting on the sofa reading the paper. She glances in my direction and I smile, but she gives me a tight smile and raises an eyebrow briefly before returning to her paper. I sigh, walking into my bedroom and closing the door.

I'm miserable at work. Jack Hyde is acting fifty shades of creepy lately. He's made several passes at me, despite my continual obvious discomfort. I'm even more miserable at home. I need a break from my life. I could use a long vacation. I snort at myself. I couldn't afford to go on a long vacation.

_Or could I?_ My eyes falls to my bedside table where the cheque from Christian now sits. I could use it to buy a new car, or I could use it to get away from all of this stress for a couple of weeks. It's not doing anyone any good sitting around, collecting dust.

_Maybe Taylor really did get this amount for my car._ I laugh at myself for trying to rationalize using this money.

I pick up my phone and dial. An hour later, I've spoken to my mother, and I feel a huge weight lift off of my chest.

Kate glances up at me as I walk across the living room toward the door.

"I have some errands." I mumble as an explanation to me leaving again after only being home from work for an hour.

She replies with a 'hmm' and I close the door, leaving as quickly as possible.

…

"This is a very large sum, ma'am. We'll have to make some calls and possibly place a hold on it." The bank teller explains.

"How long will that take?" I ask, knowing that Christian will definitely know I've cashed the cheque now.

"It all depends on whether or not we can speak to the issuer." She says, waving at someone across the room to come over. "Just one moment, please." She says as a man approaches and they walk through a glass door into a room behind the counters.

They speak for a moment, looking over my identification and the cheque quite thoroughly before the man makes a phone call. I see him nodding vigorously and glancing periodically at me through the window before hanging up and returning to the counter with the teller.

"Miss Steele, we'll be glad to deposit this into your account right now." He says, taking control of the computer.

"Will there be a hold on it?" I ask hesitantly.

"No, ma'am. You'll be free to use it immediately." He replies, and I smile, thanking him.

…

I've been in my room, quietly packing, since I got home from the bank an hour ago. I made a call to work and booked myself a seat on a flight to Georgia for early tomorrow morning.

When I come out of my room in search of my flip flops, I take a deep breath, knowing I need to tell Kate that I'm leaving. I attempt to form a well thought out, rational explanation.

"I'm going to Georgia." I blurt out, and she whips her head around.

"What? When?" she asks, noticing my bag by my bedroom door.

"Tomorrow morning. My flight leaves at six." I say, knotting my fingers in front of me.

"For how long? Is this because we had a fight?" She asks. "Ana, you live here! You don't have to leave just because we had a fight!" She says frantically.

"I just—I need to get away from everything and clear my head." I say softly. She looks hurt. "I'll be back. I just need disappear."

"This is your home, Ana, whether we're angry at each other or not. I'm not kicking you out." She says adamantly.

"I know." I whisper, but frankly, I've felt very unwelcome since our fight. I'm glad to hear that she's not planning to hate me until we're old lady roommates.

"Wake me up when you have to leave." She says, eyeing me warily. "I'll drive you to the airport."

I nod and smile softly, glad we've made some semblance of peace before I leave.

* * *

"Grey!" I snap, answering the call interrupting me from my dinner.

"Mr. Grey, this is Troy Whelan, bank manager at the Upper Seattle Bank. We have a young lady here attempting to cash a large cheque from you, and we'd like your confirmation."

I speak with Mr. Whelan for several moments, going through an array of security information, but it's all a blur. Ana is cashing the cheque. She's using the money, finally. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed that this is the last I'll hear from her, or realieved that she's finally using the damn money.

When I hang up the phone, Taylor approaches me, clearing his throat.

"What?" I ask curtly.

"Mrs. Lincoln is on her way up." He says before disappearing again.

This is just what I need right now. Elena is here to remind me, from her experienced woman's perspective, of what an ass I was, of how I threw away the only good thing I had and now it's too late to get her back.

I hear the elevator doors ping and rise from my stool at the bar.

"Elena." I say, pouring her a glass of wine.

"Christian." She says, her voice soft and sympathetic. This is not what I need from her.

"Stop speaking to me like I'm a lost puppy, Elena." I say curtly, handing her the wine.

"Stop acting like one. You had a sub. She wanted too much from you. She couldn't accept you for who you are. It's Susannah and Leila all over again. You'll get past this." She says, and I nod.

She's right. They wanted more, but I didn't feel even a fraction of the loss when either of them left as I feel now.

"Ana deposited the cheque I gave her for her death trap of a car." I mutter as she follows me into my study.

"Christian, she's a young woman, practically a child! She has student loans. Did you expect her to dance around this little game of 'I don't want your money' forever?" She asks incredulously.

"I suppose you're right." I say.

…

I know Elena is right, that I need to move on and let Anastasia go, but I need to try, just once more. I decide to forego calling or emails.

_There's no going back now._

I press the buzzer for her apartment and wait. When there's no answer, I press it again. I know it's early, but I'm hoping to catch her before she leaves for work.

"What?" A woman's garbled voice finally answers. I realize it's Kate, and I'll get nowhere if I tell her I'm here to see Ana.

"Delivery for Anastasia Steele." I say, hoping it will draw Ana downstairs.

A moment later, Katherine Kavanaugh comes through the lobby and rolls her eyes.

"Where's Anastasia?" I ask, eyeing her cooly.

"She's not here." She replies, placing one hand on her hip.

"Has she left for work already?"

"No. She moved."

I'm shocked, but I try to contain myself.

"Moved?" I ask.

"Yep. If you were a normal human being, who called before showing up at someone's apartment, rather than a millionaire stalker ex boyfriend, you'd know that, and it would have saved us both five minutes of our lives that we'll never get back." She turns to leave, but I catch her arm. She whips around and glares at me.

"Where is she?" I ask slowly and in a low voice that I reserve for my submissives when they misbehave. She looks shocked, possibly somewhat frightened, and I think that might help my case.

"Get your hands off of me, and stay the fuck away from Ana." She says, her own voice low and challenging. I release her as an older couple passes through the lobby.

"Tell her I stopped by." I demand before turning on my heel and stalking out of the building.

* * *

Georgia is quite and serene. I've spent my days on the beach with my mother, chatting about life and men. My evenings are spent at home. I'm eating again, sort of. My appetite came back with a vengeance, and I'm not sure if I'm getting over Christian or if I just love Bob's cooking.

I took two weeks off of work, and I should be heading home this weekend to make it back, but I'm really enjoying being in Savannah… even if I have spent the last two days camped out in the bathroom, praying to the porcelain gods.

"Ana, honey, I got you some things at the store." My mother calls through the door. I crawl across the floor, opening it and accepting the bag in hopes that there's some kind of miracle stomach bug begone in here.

"Mom!" I shout, staring at the door incredulously when I dump the contents of the bag on the floor, revealing a bottle of Pepto Bismol, some ginger tablets for nausea, and a home pregnancy test.

"Just covering all the bases, honey. Just in case. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable asking for one of those." She says in a conspiratorial tone through the closed door.

I roll my eyes. Just having her think something like that is uncomfortable for me. I laugh at the idea, but stop abruptly. I try to remember my last cycle. _Oh shit._

…

Staring at the little blue line, I'm pacing the bathroom floor, my fingers and my stomach are knotted and I've been sick twice since I took the test.

_This is bad. This is very, very bad._ I gather the test and the rest of my drug store haul into the plastic bag and sneak out of the bathroom, glancing down the hall to make sure my mother isn't waiting for me. I flop onto my bed and take a deep breath.

_I'm having Christian Grey's baby, and he wants nothing to do with me. _


	3. Chapter 3

****It was brought to my attention that my dividers for going between Ana and Christian's POV haven't been showing up, so I'll make sure to check for those before posting from now on! Apologies for the confusion an thanks so much for all of the reviews/favs/follows!

**Chapter 3:**

After an hour of crying alone, and then telling my mother and crying with her, she suggests I call him and let him know. She says he has a right to know, whether he wants to be involved or not and leaves me to make the call in private.

I pick up my phone, starting to dial Christian's number, but I sigh. He doesn't want to speak directly to me. He sent that troll bitch to speak to me the last time he had something to say. I snap my phone closed and try to remember the number on Mrs. Robinson's card. I don't want to speak to her. I wonder if I should call Kate. I haven't spoken to her since the airport, other than to tell her I arrived safely in Savannah, but I'm sure if I told her, she'd tell Elliott and he'd tell Christian. The idea seems like a bad game of broken telephone to me, but I decide to tell her anyway.

"WHAT?" She shrieks into the phone before the words are even completely out of my mouth. "That son of a bitch, no I shouldn't say that; Grace is lovely. He's an asshole, though! How are you? Are you coming home? We can get the apartment all baby-proofed before that little sucker comes out. Oh my god, Ana!" She's going a mile a minute, not giving me a chance to reply.

"I haven't told him yet. The last message I got from him was through one of his assistants, saying that I should address any further concerns through her. I'm not sure how to handle this." I tell her, trying to be as vague as possible.

"I'll tell him! You know what else I'll tell him?" She asks. "I'll tell him you're going to take him for everything he has! If he doesn't want you or his child in his life, he's damn well going to pay out his rear for it!"

"Kate…" I say, trying to stop her tirade before she goes any further. "I don't want his money. He doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm finally starting to accept that. I just think he deserves to know, in case he wants to have a relationship with his child." I explain.

"You're too soft, Ana. Letting the guy knock you up and walk away." She scolds.

"I just don't want to reopen the wounds, Kate." I say softly, trying not to cry. I feel like I've spent my life crying ever since I met Christian.

"Well, I'll keep it under my hat for now, Ana, but you should tell him. I'm sure Grace and Carrick would like to be part of the baby's life." She says in a soothing voice.

_Shit. I didn't think about them. I regret telling Kate before mapping out a game plan for the entire Grey family._

"I haven't decided what I'm doing. I only just found out. I don't want to drag anyone else into this. Please don't tell Elliott or the Greys yet. I need to speak to Christian." I mumble before we say goodbye and hang up.

It's not hard to find a number online for Elena Lincoln, and I'm not sure how I feel about being able to find her number. Maybe if I hadn't, I could have an excuse to speak to Christian, though I'm not sure that's an entirely good idea either.

I dial the number and wait while it rings several times before someone answers.

"Mrs. Lincoln's office." The sickly sweet sound of a young woman answers.

"Hello, I'm looking for Elena." I say calmly, hoping that using her first name will make me sound familiar and hurry the assistant along.

"She's in a meeting right now. May I tell her who's calling?" She asks. I wonder if this is the generic response for all big business moguls.

"Sure. It's Ana Steele." I reply softly.

The woman puts me on hold for what seems like an eternity before she returns again.

"I'll put you through to her personal line, Miss Steele." She says before the phone clicks and begins ringing. Thankfully, Mrs. Robinson answers after the first ring.

"Ana, how are you?" She says with a kindness that sounds fake.

"I'm well, thank you. I need to speak with Christian." I say, not caring that I sound harsh.

"I can let him know you'd like to, Ana, but frankly, he's… I don't know how to put this kindly, but he's moved on, Ana. He's taken a new… friend… in and is acquainting her with everything. She required a full submersion, so he's with her almost around the clock."

I choke around the lump in my throat. I really was just another sub to him.

"I'm – I'm pregnant." I say, my lip trembling, and I'm not sure if I was clear or loud enough because she's silent for a long moment.

"I will speak with Christian." She says finally and hangs up without another word.

…

I groggily answer my phone and look over at my alarm clock. It's midnight. _Who the hell is calling me?_ I wonder.

"Ana, it's Elena."

_Of course it is._ My subconscious snaps. _I suppose she doesn't realize that I'm in another time zone._ I rationalize.

"Oh, hello." I say, sitting up and waiting to hear what Christian has said about my news. I don't want to talk to this pedophile any more than I have to.

"I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with Christian earlier this evening. We discussed your current situation at length, but ultimately, he's decided it would be best for all parties involved if he kept his distance."

I release a breath I didn't know I was holding and bite my lip. _He doesn't want to know his own child because I'm carrying it._

"He'd like to provide you with financial support in order to alleviate some of the hardships that go with having a child."

"That—that won't be necessary." I say, swallowing a sob and wiping a tear from my cheek.

"He insists." She tells me, but I don't feel like arguing with this woman. "He'd also appreciate some discretion on your part in regard to his family and the public. He'd prefer that they aren't privy to this information. It would most certainly taint his name. Given that you've signed an NDA covering all aspects of your relationship…" She trails off.

"He won't speak to me? Not at all?" I ask, feeling desperate.

"I'm sorry. He wants to leave your relationship in the past. You understand about not speaking to Mr. Grey's family about this?" She asks again.

"Yes. I understand." I reply irritably.

"Good. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need anything else."

I thank her, bitterly, and hang up as I curl up into a ball in my bed.

…

"Honey, I want to suggest something, and I don't want you to get angry." My mother says to me at the breakfast table. It's been two days since we found out and she hasn't stopped smothering me with love and food.

"Okay…" I reply hesitantly, narrowing my eyes at.

"I want you to move home!" She nearly shouts with excitement.

"Mom, I—"

"Let me finish!" She says, putting her hands up. "We have publishing agencies in Savannah. I could help with the baby. It's sunny and warm here, Ana. Seattle is so dreary. Plus, you wouldn't have to worry about running into you-know-who…" She trails off, dropping a pancake onto my newly emptied plate.

_I was done…_ My subconscious growls, but I'm aware that my mom is just trying to keep me well nourished.

"I don't know." I say, not sure I'd want to live at home again, though it would be nice to have her help, so that I can work.

"Think about it. That's all I'm asking." She says. "You'd better hurry up. You have a plane to catch." She reminds me and I glance at the clock. Maybe the fact that I don't want to go back to Seattle is a sign that I should take her up on her offer.

…

When I arrive at the airport, Kate is waiting for me. She barrels toward me screeching with delight and pulls me into a hug.

"Welcome home, Mommy!" She giggles, holding me out to look at me. I smile shyly and roll my eyes. I'm glad that whatever happened before I left is now far behind us.

"So, what have I missed?" I ask, as we approach the car. I glare at Kate when she jumps in front of me, opening my door. "I'm not THAT pregnant yet." I grumble, glaring at her and trying to hide my smile.

"Ugh, you know. Jose has been calling. He really wants to speak to you. Apparently, you've ignored him since his show." I roll my eyes. I've been avoiding him. I feel terrible, but after what happened at his show and then with Ethan, I really don't want to face him. "Elliott and I are fighting. We haven't spoken for, like, three days." She goes on.

"What happened?"

"Oh, I saw a text from this woman he had a fling with a while back. Gia." She grumbles. "Even her name is slutty. Apparently, they're just friends, but from what I saw, they're a little too friendly for my liking." She explains.

"So you haven't told him…" I start, hesitating.

"No! Of course not! Ana, this is your news to share with whomever you want, whenever you want." She says, patting my arm as we pull into traffic. "Besides, you should be the one who gets to see the shock on that rat bastard's face when he finds out." She says, narrowing her eyes as if he were in front of her.

"He knows. We're going to leave things where they are." I say simply, hoping this will be the end of the conversation.

"What? He's not even going to help you!" She shouts, startling me.

"We both decided it would be better if we just went our separate ways. He's offered to pay support, but I'm not sure I want it. It was never about his money for me." I explain, hoping she'll drop it.

"Well, maybe it's not about the money for you, but that baby isn't going to come out with a job and medical insurance, and clothes. Do you have any idea how many diapers a baby uses in a day?" She asks, with wide eyes.

"I guess. I just don't feel right taking his money." I mumble.

"You're not. He or she is." She says, pointing to my still flat tummy. I place a protective hand over it and give it a gentle pat.

…

"I can't stop looking at it!" Kate says, holding the sonogram we got at the doctor's office.

"My little blip." I murmur, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

"So, back to work tomorrow?" She asks, and I nod. I love my job, and part of me can't wait to be back, but I'm nervous.

"I don't want anyone to know. Not yet. You don't think they'll notice, do you?" I ask softly.

"Ana, you're not even showing." Kate laughs, gently patting my belly.

…

I arrive at work and enter slowly, taking a deep breath. Claire rushes over to welcome me back, hugging me tightly.

"My gosh, Ana! You look so tan!" She gushes with a perky smile.

"Yes, You do." Jack says from the doorway of the reception area. I smile self consciously and shrug as I walk toward Jack and my desk.

He turns back in, following me to my desk.

"Did you have a good trip?" He asks, leaning on the edge of my desk as I take my seat. I nod, and smile.

"It was nice spend some quality time with my mother again." I say by way of explanation.

"Looks like you spent a lot of quality time with the beach." He says in a soft, almost husky tone that makes me uncomfortable.

"Yes, I did." I say with a tight smile. "I'm sure I have a ton of work to catch up on." I continue, hoping he'll leave me alone sooner.

"Take your time, honey. Travelling can be exhausting." He says, squeezing my shoulder affectionately. "You do look really great though. The warm weather agrees with you." He whispers close to my ear before winking and walking toward his office.

I shake the chill from my spine. He really gives me the creeps.

…

My mother is devastated when I tell her that I want to remain in Seattle for a while. I'm not sure if she's upset that I won't be at home, or if she feels like she'll be missing something with the baby.

Ray lays into me, threatening to beat the shit out of Christian for 'doing this to me'. I beg him to drop it, saying it was a mutual decision to part ways, but I secretly love that my father wants to protect me from the big bad world.

…

Four months into my pregnancy, I've begun wearing loose fitting clothes to work, but at home, in my sanctuary, I'm most comfortable in a pair of sweatpants and a camisole. I should really buy some new clothes. It's not like I can't afford to with the money Christian has been depositing into my account every month. $100,000 arrives like clockwork on the first of every month. It's more than I make in an entire year working at SIP, but I can't bring myself to spend it. This money isn't mine. It belongs to Blip. Besides, I get a kick out of seeing my small bump protruding and stretching the material across my stomach. Kate thinks it's adorable and loves seeing what we can balance on it while I'm sitting on the sofa.

I giggle as my ice cream bowl sits comfortably on my stomach. It never gets old. I jump, grabbing the bowl when the buzzer startles me.

"Yes?" I answer as I pop a spoon of ice cream into my mouth. I'm not expecting anyone.

"Ana?" The voice replies.

"Ethan?" I ask, scooping more of the creamy goodness into my mouth.

"Yea, can you let me in?" He asks and I buzz him in.

We've since made peace over what happened. I think he was more forgiving because Christian is out of the picture. I open the door just as he's approaching and he freezes in the hallway, gaping at me.

"What?" I ask, popping the now empty spoon out of my mouth. His gaze drops to my swollen abdomen and I choke. "Oh god!" I mumble, closing the door in his face and leaning against it as if he'd be able to unsee what he's just seen if I close him out.

"Uh… Ana?" He asks through the door.

"Yes?" I ask innocently.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm not decent…" I whisper back.

"Are you..." He starts, and I wonder if he's trying to ask nicely without suggesting that I've gotten fat. "Are you pregnant?" He says finally.

"Maybe…" I reply, opening the door a crack and peeking out. He's raising an eyebrow at me and smirking.

"Were you hiding this from just me, or is it world-wide classified information?" He asks, as I open the door the rest of the way and let him in.

"Kate and my parents know… and now you. Oh and, uh… the father." I say, not wanting to say his name in front of Ethan.

He looks like he wants to ask who the father is, but he bites his tongue, for which I'm grateful.

"Kate's not here." I say, scooping more ice cream into my mouth and flopping onto the sofa.

"Oh, I'm actually just here to borrow Kate's car. She's with Elliott all weekend, so she said I could use it. She said she'd leave the keys…" He says, turning slowly and pointing at the counter. "On the island."

I'm well aware of Kate's plans with Elliott. They went to Aspen on a family vacation with the Greys. I roll my eyes bitterly. Of course I'm jealous, and I wonder if Christian is there. From what Kate has told me, she's only seen him once at family dinner. Apparently, he's been busy, but I assume he's purposely avoiding Kate because of me.

"Hey, do you want to get out of the house for a few hours?" Ethan asks, tearing me from my thoughts.

"Absolutely! Let me just get dressed!" I shout, jumping up from the sofa and sprinting into my bedroom. I hear him laugh and fidget with the keys in his hand.

I return several moments and several outfits later, hoping I look okay.

"Nothing really fits…" I mumble, tugging on the hem of my sweatshirt.

"You look fine." He assures me, holding the door for me as we exit the apartment.

…

"Melons?" I ask, pointing to the display of honeydews next to us.

"No thanks." He says with a smirk.

"Ana?" I whip around toward the sound of my name and see Gail, Mrs. Jones, smiling from the next aisle over.

"Mrs. Jones." I say, smiling politely as a lump begins forming in my throat.

"How are you dear?" She asks, approaching me.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I ask, standing awkwardly and tugging on the hem of my too-tight sweatshirt.

"I'm well." She says, glancing down at my hands, obviously drawn because of their activity. I watch as her eyes widen fractionally before her face goes neutral and she glances back up to my eyes. "You look very well, Ana." She says softly, grasping my knotted hands in hers.

"I am." I reply just as soft.

Ethan approaches, draping an arm around my shoulder.

"Hi." He says casually, smiling at Mrs. Jones.

"Hello." She replies kindly.

"Ethan, this is Mrs. Jones. She's, um, an old friend." I explain softly.

They exchange pleasantries, and we go our separate ways. I feel a pang of disappointment. I miss Gail and Taylor. It didn't hit me until just now, that in losing Christian, I also lost Mia, Grace, Carrick and Elliott, not to mention Gail and Taylor as well. I suddenly feel more alone than I've felt in a long time.

"Are we done here?" I ask Ethan as we wander away from Gail.

"You okay?" He asks. I nod and rub my tummy.

"I'm starving." I mumble. Ethan laughs. I suppose because he walked in on my eating the biggest bowl of ice cream he'd ever seen.

…

"So how do you know that woman?" Ethan asks as he carries the grocery bags into the apartment.

"Um, she's Christian's housekeeper." I mumble, following him into the kitchen to put away the food.

"Ooooh." He says slowly.

"What?" I ask irritably.

"I just wondered. After you ran into her, you kind of went quiet, and you kept zoning out on me. I thought maybe you knew her through him." He explains casually, not even mentioning my snappy response.

"Yea. She was really kind to me. I miss her." I say simply.

"It must be hard." He says, putting the last of the food away.

"What?" I ask, wondering where he's going with this.

"Just, you know, bumping into people you know, people you don't see anymore because they're _his_ friends or _his _family. It must really get under your skin to know that Kate's off with them right now, and you can't see them." He says.

I nod slowly, blinking back the tears. "They were all so welcoming to me. They made me feel like I was part of their family after knowing me for all of five seconds."

"Hey, you've still got me!" He says dragging me down onto the sofa beside him.

I smile up at him wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"I've been thinking of taking a leave from work and going to stay with my mom for a few months." I blurt out, and Ethan gapes at me. "She's been bugging me to move in with her, so she can help with the baby, but I'll probably get my own place." I say. "I mean, if I _were_ to move to Georgia." I stammer.

"Sounds like you've already made up your mind, Steele." Ethan says with a smile.

"I just think it'll be nice to have her around. I'll definitely want her in the delivery room." I mumble, feeling myself go scarlet at the thought of delivering this baby.

"Do you what you're having yet?" He asks, changing the subject.

"I want to be surprised." I say with an excited smile.

…

"I can't believe you're leaving." Kate says, holding me tight in the airport terminal. "It's gonna be so weird without you."

I smile though my tears. I know I'll miss not living with her, but I'm so drawn to Georgia and my mother right now. It must be the baby hormones.

"I'll be back, and you can visit Blip and I anytime." I say, hugging her back even tighter.

"The next time I see you, you'll be as big as a house! I can't imagine it!" She says, standing back and placing her hand on my stomach. "You think I can tell Elliott now that you're not around for them to come after you for visitation rights or something?"

I frown and shake my head. "I just don't want to be part of their lives right now, Kate." I say, taking the blame on. If Kate's going to be with Elliott, she has to be around Christian at some point, and I don't want to feed her hostility by telling her how he requested I keep this from his family or how I'm legally bound to because I signed a nondisclosure agreement about our relationship.

"I love you." She says, wiping her tears and pulling me into her arms one last time. My flight is called and I pick up my carry-on bag before I turn and walk away from Kate, Seattle, SIP, and Christian Grey, and toward my new job at Chandler Publishing in Savannah, my new apartment around the corner from my mother's house, and a fresh start with Blip.

* * *

"Put these on." I say in a low commanding voice as I toss Amy a bag with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in it.

"Yes, Sir." She says, rising from her knees by the door of the playroom and picking up the bag. I watch as she slips into the clothes, her eyes never meet mine.

When she's through, I beckon her to stand in front of me.

"Turn around." I command.

She does so without hesitation, and this irks me slightly because she's SO obedient, but I continue with my initial task, pulling her brown hair into a ponytail. I let it run through my fingers like fine silk before resting my chin on her shoulder and inhaling the scent.

"You didn't use the shampoo." I growl angrily, backing away from her body and whipping her around.

"I—I forgot." She stammers, looking rightfully contrite.

"Take off your jeans and bend over the bench." I say, turning away from her and walking toward the wall displaying my whips, belts, and canes.

I take a moment to glance over each item before selecting a belt. I've been choosing it more frequently than I have with any other sub. Three months is almost over, and I want to push the limits as much as I can with Amy. Elena says it's as if I'm daring her to leave me. I don't think she will. Elena chose very well for me. She knew what I needed. She's always there for me in my darkest hour. I'll never be able to repay Elena for all she's done for me.

"I'm going to hit you with this belt six times, Amy. Do you know why?"

"Because I didn't use the shampoo that you instructed me to use, Sir."

"Very good. Count." I say, stroking her behind once before standing upright and letting the belt come down on her soft flesh.

"One." She gasps, but she never safe words. She continues to count, loud and clear, all the way to six.

I step away, taking the belt back to the display and hanging up in its appropriate place before walking over to the chest of drawers. I pick up a bottle of lotion and bring it back to where she remains bent over the bench, her reddened ass in the air, like a good sub. I rub the lotion on and pull her to her feet before returning the lotion to the chest and bringing a glass of water and two pain killers to her.

"Take these." I say, handing her the pills and the water. She's so obedient. "On your knees." I say softly.

She doesn't hesitate, kneeling in front of me with her head down. She knows what I want from her. I stroke my hand over her ponytail.

"You will shower with the shampoo when we're through." I tell her as I unzip my jeans and watch, enraptured, as this petite brunette's messy ponytail bobs in and out from my body.

"Ana…" I whisper, my chest aching. It's never felt this terrible before.


	4. Chapter 4

[There have certainly been a lot of mixed reviews about the last chapter and Christian taking on a new sub. I'll rationalize that: He was at the pivotal point where he wanted to have 'more', but he wanted that with Ana. He's also very much an advocate of Elena and trusts her. Without Ana, he wouldn't be exposed to how wrong his relationship with Elena was.

As for the graphic moment in the very end of the last chapter, I hesitated to leave that in, but I think it shows Christian's personality. He's hurting in a way he's not used to. He feels abandoned and rejected. The only way he knows to cope with that is to take on subs that look like the person who did this to him (ie: his birth mother and Ana.)

I promise, the end will come in full circle, but it's going to get a lot more painful before it gets any better! Sorry! 3

Love you guys for all of your reviews and favs/follows! I'm really glad to see so much feedback, as this is my first Fifty Shades fic. (I'm usually in the Lois & Clark genre!)

I hope I've cleared some issues up with you all! If not, drop me a line! I'd love to chat about it and hash out any issues!

xo

**Chapter 4:**

"He should be here!" I shout as another contraction radiates through my body. "I need to call him. He needs to know it's happening now!"

"Okay, honey." My mom says soothingly, rifling through my purse to find my phone. I'm glad she's keeping a cool head. I'm about to lose mine.

"AHHH!" I scream, a mixture of frustration and contraction the cause.

"I'll call hm." She says hurriedly, looking through the contact list.

I breathe deeply, as the doctor walks in and my mother speaks into the phone.

"How are we doing?" The doctor asks, pulling on gloves and examining me, but I'm trying desperately to listen to my mother's phone conversation.

I look at her, my eyes pleading for the answer I need.

"His office says he's in Taiwan, and the number you have listed for his cell phone is, apparently, out of service." She says apologetically.

"He blocked my number." I say sadly, realizing that calling, completely prepared to give him a piece of my mind and hanging up so many times because I lost my nerve was probably the cause.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." My mother says, squeezing my hand. "Do you want me to call Jose?"

I shake my head. I'm too emotional to bring him back into the picture right now, though I'm sure he'd come.

Jose and I made peace about a month after I moved to Savannah. He came to visit and stayed with me for a few weeks. Things got serious, and he made the move to Georgia. I told him he shouldn't pick up his life and move just for me, but he wouldn't listen.

By last week, we'd decided we should part ways. My heart wasn't in it, and when I finally broke down and gave into his incessant nagging, well, he was no happier about knowing who the father of my child is than when he had only suspicions to fuel his imagination.

…

It's true what they say. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. It doesn't matter how much you promise yourself and your friends that miles between you couldn't tear you apart, it still does. I can hardly believe how much time has passed since I last saw Kate.

"Where are we going?"

My thoughts are disturbed and I smile, glancing in the rearview mirror at the grey eyes staring at back at me.

"Seattle and then Barbados." I tell her.

"Why?" She asks. She's more inquisitive at four years old than I've ever been in my life.

"Because we need a vacation, and I have to go to Auntie Kate's wedding." I say excitedly, knowing that she still believes Kate lives inside the computer.

She doesn't remember, but she's met Kate. The week I delivered her, Kate came down to help. She wasn't impressed with my choice of names, but I appeased her by throwing Katherine in the middle. I think she feels guilty about not telling Elliott and the family about the baby. I feel guilty about having put her in that situation. Well, I didn't, per say. Christian did, but it doesn't matter anymore who the blame should fall on. Out of all of the mess and the drama, I have a beautiful, inquisitive, brilliant daughter.

"Can I go to the wedding?" She asks for the hundredth time since I told her about our trip.

"No, Princess. This wedding is just for grown-ups. You're going to spend that evening at the resort, having a super fun time with Jill. After that, it's just you and me for the rest of the week!" I remind her.

Frankly, I'm petrified to be going at all. Kate is marrying Elliott. I don't doubt for a moment that Christian will be at the wedding, and I'm sure he'll be staying in the same resort as all of the other guests, including myself. I'm nervous to see him. I don't know what the protocol is for our situation. Do I introduce him to his daughter? Do I ignore him completely and let him be free to do the same? I'd really like to lay into him and demand he forge a relationship with our child, but it's neither the time, nor the place to do so. I'm sure it would feel good, though. Let him face his mistake head on and gloat in the glory of how he ran when push came to shove.

I'm not asking him to be with me. In fact, when I told him – Mrs. Robinson, about the pregnancy, it had only crossed my mind momentarily that this might bring him back to me. My main concern then was, and still is, my little Blip.

_At least the nanny is coming with us._ I muse, glancing in the rearview at Jill's car driving behind us. It will be far easier to cope with bumping into him at the wedding if small grey eyes aren't scrutinizing the situation.

"I just love weddings! So romantic!" She sighs, and I laugh, returning to the present.

She's been to a total of one wedding, and it was an intimate affair on the beach a couple of days ago. The guest list consisted of the happy couple, my hopeless romantic in training, and myself.

* * *

"Tell him!" She grumbles at Elliott.

"I will." He replies.

"Tell me what!" I ask finally, disrupting their not so private argument.

"We just wanted to warn you—to let you know, that, well, I'm sure you've had your suspicions, but anyway, Ana will be at the wedding."

I stare at Elliott, blinking rapidly. I haven't heard that name in years. The last time someone brought her up at dinner, I left. My family knows not to ask about her, not to discuss her in my presence.

I rarely spend more than five minutes in the same room as Katherine. I can't bear it. It angers me that I'm still so hurt, and even more that my brother is marrying this woman whom he's been on and off with for the past few years.

Flynn says it has to do with abandonment. The crack whore left me, or that's how I view it. She neglected me and died, leaving me to pick up the pieces alone.

Anastasia did the same, in my eyes, he always specifies. _In my eyes_, Ana abandoned me, leaving me broken in a similar way as the crack whore did. I opened myself up to her, offered her _more_, trusted her with everything I could manage, and she rejected me. I thank god everyday that Elena's been at my side every step of the way. If it weren't for her, I'd right back where I was at fifteen years old. I almost was.

"I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend." I say calmly, rising from table and walking toward the exit of the restaurant.

"Christian! You're my brother and my best man!" Elliott says, following me out, but I raise my hand, not bothering to turn around, as I walk away from him.

…

"Get over here." I say brusquely before hanging up, not waiting for a response.

Twenty minutes later Danielle is kneeling by the door in my playroom. She's not as good as Amy was. None of them have been. She looked the most like Ana, but it wasn't just that. She was good at pretending to be her. Danielle isn't a far off second, but she's still new. She has promise. It's been a while since I took a sub. I realized I should stop when it became less about sexual gratification and more about having someone there for me.

I grab the hood strings on her sweatshirt and yank, forcing her to scramble to her feet before I grasp her ponytail and run it through my fist slowly.

"Say it." I command, watching her dutifully bite her lip before meeting my eyes.

"I love you, Christian." She says softly, but it doesn't do it for me.

"You can go." I say softly, walking out of the room.

It hasn't worked for a while. I just want to believe that somewhere, Ana loved me for me, that I wasn't completely alone when I was with her, that somewhere, there was someone I was meant to be with. I've come to terms with the fact that I cared very deeply for her. I won't let something like that happen again. I won't let anyone evoke those feelings from me again. Mia says I've grown into a glacier, cold and drifting on my own.

I thought I was over her until all of this talk of weddings and wedding parties were being thrown around. I realized when Kate didn't ask Mia, that she must have had someone else in mind. That's when I brought Danielle into my life. All of those feeling I had for Ana came crashing back into me, melting the glacier and causing soft spots where pain bred and surfaced.

* * *

"We've just boarded the plane, Kate. We have a four hour layover in Seattle, but we'll meet you at the resort." I assure the bride-to-be who has just arrived in Barbados and decided I should be harassed immediately.

"Okay. I was so worried something would keep you from getting here. Honestly, I'm so glad you're coming." She says.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Me neither!" Christian shouts, leaning over toward my blackberry to ensure Kate hears her. Kate laughs and then goes silent.

"Listen, I—I need to tell you something."

I sigh, I was wondering when we'd have this talk. Frankly, I expected it much sooner than right now, but I think we've both been avoiding naming he-who-we-don't-discuss.

"You-know-who won't be at the wedding, so you can bring Baby Katie with you to the ceremony if you like. I know it's last minute, but I'm sure we can find something fancy for her to wear in Barbados."

I roll my eyes. She's never called my daughter by her given name.

"You know, pretty soon you'll have to stop calling her that. She's not a baby anymore." I tease. "I'll think about it. The, uh, others will be there, and you know… I just don't think it's a good idea. We're taking off. I'll call you when I land." I say quickly, ending the call and making sure Christian's seatbelt is still fastened.

_Does an NDA ever expire? Can I drop this bombshell on them at Kate and Elliott's wedding?_ I feel like after all of this time, it should be Christian who tells his family that he has a child he wants nothing to do with. I'd love to see Dr. Grace lay into him for that. Surely, she'd find this all unacceptable.

* * *

"Have you seen the news, Sir?" Taylor asks, rushing into my office with Gail close behind him.

"No, why?" I ask, flicking on the television.

"It's on practically every channel." Gail says, stepping closer to Taylor. I watch as he wraps an arm around her, gently stroking her shoulder.

"_USAir, Flight 1419 to Seattle has crashed. I repeat, Flight 1419 has crashed just outside of Seattle. Passenger rosters have not yet been released, however we've been informed of at least four killed upon impact. The cause of the crash is yet to be disclosed."_

We all watch in silence as footage of the crash is shown from a news helicopter above the scene.

…

My blackberry vibrates for the tenth time in the last hour. Elliott has been relentless. I haven't listened to his voicemails. I don't care to hear him bitch at me for not attending his wedding. I glance down, but it's not Elliott's name on the call display.

"Grey." I snap irritably.

"Christian! Damnit! Why haven't you been answering!" Elliott snaps back.

"I'm not coming to your wedding, Elliott." I say calmly.

"This isn't about that!" He shouts. "You need to get to the hospital!"

"Why? What's wrong?" I ask, shifting to the edge of my seat.

"Ana's plane crashed! We can't get home. Everyone is grounded! You need to see if she's okay!"

I feel myself pale, and bile creep up my throat.

"I'm on my way." I say, hanging up and shoving my phone in my pocket. "TAYLOR!" I shout, walking toward his office.

"Sir?" He asks, stepping through the doorway and meeting me halfway across the great room.

"Ana was on that flight." I say as calmly as I can. He gasps, but composes himself, glancing back at Gail, who looks shocked enough for all of us.

"I'll call." He says softly, meeting Gail's eyes before we hurry to the elevator.

…

"Anastasia Steele!" I shout at the nurse. She's being bombarded with people looking for their loved ones, but I don't care to be polite.

"Everyone, listen up!" A man in scrubs shouts, climbing up onto a chair. "I have taken Polaroids of everyone who has been brought to this hospital so far. I've posted them on the bulletin board in the waiting room behind you. Please try to stay calm and civil. If you're loved ones are not posted on the board, they have not come in from the crash site. If you see someone who belongs to you, bring the photo to us, here at the desk, and we'll help you locate them."

I don't wait for him to finish, and apparently Taylor has the same idea. We make our way though the bustling frantic crowd toward the waiting room and scan the board several times, watching as people pull photos down of their family members to bring to nurses station.

"She's not here." I mutter, scanning the board again before turning to Taylor. He's on the phone.

"Anastasia Rose Steele. Check the roster again." He commands, and I nod at him as a nurse comes in to post more photos on the board.

"Did he say he was looking for Anastasia Steele?" the nurse asks me. I nod vigorously.

"Yes, we're looking for her." I reply, and he sifts through another batch of photos. "She's here. She had identification on her, so we've been trying to call next of kin.

"Is she...?" I start, but he cuts me off.

"I don't know any details, sir. I just know they want to find someone to take care of the little one as soon as possible. You can follow me; I'll take you to her doctor. Social Services will want to speak to you." He says, leading Taylor and I out of the room.

"I'm sorry, what the hell are you going on about?" I snap, grabbing his arm and stopping him. He looks down at my hand on his arm and then glances at a window next to us.

"We went through her phone, looking for emergency contacts, but the only contacts listed aren't available, so Miss Steele's daughter is in here with one of our nurses. She's not badly injured, a broken arm and a minor concussion, but she'll be fine. You can go in and see her."

I stand stunned, staring at the small child in the window. She's cradled in the arms of a nurse who's stroking the mass of curly copper locks atop her head, and her tiny arm is casted in bright pink plaster.

"Sir?" Taylor says, and I turn to face him.

"You can go on in. I'm sure she'd like to see a familiar face." The nurse says with a smile.

"She doesn't know me. I'm an old friend of her mother's. The family is grounded in Barbados." I say, my voice sounding robotic to my ears.

"Have you called Miss Steele's parents?" Taylor asks, and I am relieved that he's taking charge.

"We spoke to a housekeeper at the Steele residence in Georgia. The Steeles are in Fiji on their honeymoon. We haven't been able to reach them yet." He says with a frown.

_Steeles? Honeymoon? _

"Carla and Raymond? They're… together? On a honeymoon?" I ask incredulously.

The nurse shrugs. Of course this isn't absurd to him. He has no idea that the last time I saw her, Ana's parents were divorced and her mother was married to Bob something or other.

"I have to go tend to some other people right now. Let me know if you need anything." The nurse says before leaving down the hall with his photos.

"Do you think…" I start, staring at the little girl through the window.

"I'm not sure." Taylor replies, knowing what I'm thinking without hearing the rest of my question.

"Excuse me? Are you with Anastasia Steele?" A doctor asks, approaching us. She's a short, stout woman in bright blue scrubs.

"Yes." I reply brusquely.

"Are you family?" She asks, irritating me with all of the questions.

"My brother, Mr. Grey, is her fiancé." Taylor speaks up, and I glance questioningly at him briefly before the doctor takes us toward a room.

The lights are dim and she's got an array of god awful machines coming from her body in every direction, but I'd know her anywhere.

"Your fiancé is in a coma, Mr. Grey. She suffered the brunt of her injuries to her skull. She's just come down from surgery. There was substantial internal bleeding. The next few days will tell us more."

"Will she be alright?" I ask, feeling stupid as the words come out.

_Look at her, you idiot!_ _Does she look okay?_

"Time will tell, Mr. Grey. That's all I can tell you for now." She says before leaving Taylor and I alone in the room.

…

"Elliott, someone needs to find a way back here! I don't care how you do it! Take a fucking canoe!" I shout into the phone as I pace outside the hospital.

"We can't get out. How is Ana?"

"How is she? SHE'S IN A FUCKING COMA, ELLIOTT!" I shout. "Oh, and her DAUGHTER has a broken arm and a concussion!"

"Her WHAT?" He asks, sounding just as shocked as I am.

I hear him speaking to someone on his end.

"Is Christian okay?" I hear Katherine's voice snap at me.

"I'm fine, Kate! Put Elliott back on." I snap back.

"Not you!" She snaps again. "The baby! Is Ana's daughter, Christian, okay? Where is she?"

"The girl?" I ask, unable to form any words.

"Yes! _THE GIRL_!" She shouts, and I eye my phone incredulously. _Where the hell does she get off?_

"She's okay. She broke her arm. The nurses are tending to her. Social Services is taking care of finding her somewhere to stay until someone can get here." I say, trying to sound calm.

"WHAT?" She shrieks into my ear, and I hold the phone away from my ear.

"Christian Grey, you will not let my grandbaby go to a foster home!" My mother shouts into my ear.

_Does everyone know I have a child before I do?_

…

It's late when Taylor and I enter my apartment. He's carrying the sleeping girl, and I'm eyeing her warily. She makes me very uncomfortable, and she's been asleep the entire I've had her. I can't imagine what will happen when she wakes.

Gail walks toward us, her face glowing in the dim lights as a smile graces her lips.

"Oh, look at her!" She gasps, pulling the blanket down and peering at the girl's sleeping face. "I've set up the spare bedroom for her to sleep in." She says softly to me, though her eyes never leave the girl's face.

"Thank you, Gail. I'll be in my study." I say, walking away from the three of them.

"He'll come around." I hear Gail murmur to Taylor before I close my door and sit down

I dial Elena's number. I don't care that it's past midnight.

"Christian, what—what's wrong?" She asks groggily.

"Ana was on the flight that crashed." I say quietly.

"Oh my." She replies, sounding shocked.

"So was her daughter."

"Her… oh" She replies. "Are they…"

"Ana is in a coma. Her daughter… my daughter is sleeping in the spare bedroom."

"Christian, what makes you think Ana's child is yours?" Elena asks skeptically.

"For starters, her name is Christian Katherine Grey. My name is listed on the birth certificate." I say sharply. "That's why I was able to take her home. Then there's the uncanny resemblance and the fact that Katherine Kavanaugh confirmed it."

"Christian, Ana was with the Kavanaugh boy when you two broke up. You saw them, I saw them, he flat out told you! The child could be his. The timeline fits." She says.

"The timeline? Elena, how would you know what the timeline is? I haven't even told you when the girl was born." I say, sitting forward in my chair.

"Christian, it's late. I'll come over tomorrow morning and we'll sort this all out."

"You knew." I whisper.

"I knew it was a possibility at the time she left, yes, but I dealt with it." She says slowly as if speaking to a child.

"You kept this from me!" I shout.

"Christian, don't be ridiculous! I did you a favour! You would have been a terrible father! Look at your lifestyle! Do you really think a child would fit into it? Do you really think you could have given that child anything other than pain? I saved you both from a world of heartache! And ANA is the one who left you. It wasn't my JOB to tell you this. It was hers!" She shouts at me.

I can't think of anything else to say. I hate her. I want to hurt her. I realize I'm breathing heavily into the phone and hang up angrily, tossing it onto my desk and running both of my hands through my hair.

…

"MOMMY! MOMMY!"

I sit straight up in my bed, staring into the dark as the screaming gets closer to me.

I realize it's the girl and rush out of my bed, whipping the door open and looking down the hall. She freezes outside my door, her grey eyes wide with fear. She doesn't know me. She was with Taylor until she fell asleep. He has a daughter. He'll know what to do.

_Shit! He and Gail left. It was their only night with Taylor's daughter, Sophie, this week._

"Where's mommy?" Her voice is soft and nearly inaudible.

"She's, uh—"

"Who are you?" She asks softly, interrupting me. I'm taken aback.

"I'm… Mr. Grey." I tell her, not sure what I should call myself to her.

"That's my name." She mutters petulantly. Does she honestly believe she's the only person in the world with the last name Grey?

"It was mine first." I say, raising an eyebrow at her. I'm shocked when she raises one of her own back at me and scowls.

"I want mommy." The girl says, crossing her arms as best as she can with the large cast.

"I want to sleep." I say to her. "We don't always get what we want."

I expect her to retort with another smart mouthed remark, but tears fill her eyes instead, and I feel an ache in my chest. This is Ana's child, _my_ child. She has nobody to dry her eyes. Her mother is lying nearly lifeless.

"I'm sorry." I say, kneeling in front of her and hesitantly wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Are you hungry?" I ask. I'm not sure how to interact with her. She seems so alien to me. The least I can do is ensure she doesn't starve while her mother is incapacitated.

She nods slowly, sniffling.

"Come." I say, standing up and extending my hand to her. She eyes it warily before she places her tiny hand into mine.

I lead her through the great room toward the kitchen and release her before walking toward the fridge to see what leftovers I have.

"Make yourself comfortable." I mumble.

Standing up straight from the fridge with a bowl of macaroni and cheese, I close the door and see her standing there next to it.

"Sit." I command, before turning around to put the food in the microwave.

When I turn around again, I see her curly mop barely peeking over the top of the bar and walk around it. She's eyeing the barstool carefully as though contemplating and attack plan.

"Christ." I mutter, walking around and scooping her up by her underarms. "I've never had any guests your size before." I say as I place her carefully on the stool. I push it in closer, securing her from the front, but I'm uncomfortable with the open back.

I walk around her several times, and she watches me with wide grey eyes. I hurry over to the sofa, grabbing several cushions and placing them on the floor around her stool before standing back, putting my finger on my lips as I contemplate the scene.

"This isn't going to work for me." I mutter, grabbing her under the arms again and placing her on her feet. I pick up the cushions and place them in the centre of the floor between the great room and the kitchen. I gently hold her shoulders, guiding her in front of one of the cushions. "Sit." I command again.

She holds my pant leg with her good hand for balance and plops down onto the cushion behind her.

"That'll do." I mutter. "Stay." I say, shaking my head at myself as I walk back to the microwave.

_She's not a dog._

I dish out two bowls of macaroni and grab two forks from the drawer before returning to her.

"Here." I hand her a dish and sit down next to her.

I dig into mine, but freeze with the fork poised at my mouth and watch her. She's gripping the fork in her fist. It looks enormous for her tiny hand. She scoops some of the macaroni onto the end of it and slowly, with intense concentration, brings it up toward her mouth. By the time she gets the fork close enough, it's empty. I watch her try again, having the same results. It startles me when drops the fork and uses her hand to scoop the macaroni.

"Whoa! What the hell are you doing?" I ask, appalled and disgusted by her behaviour.

She freezes, all four fingers in her mouth, and stares at me with those giant eyes.

"Let me help you." I say softly, picking up my fork and spearing the pasta, bringing it toward her mouth slowly. She opens it obediently and takes the food. "Good." I say, more to myself, glad we've found a way for her to eat that didn't involve reverting back to the Stone Age.

She's only eaten a few forkfuls when she lays back onto the floor and pats her tummy.

"Sit up." I command. "Finish eating."

"No, thank you." She says sweetly, as if I had made a request.

"Yes. Sit up. You need to finish your food." I say more sharply than intended, taken aback by her response.

She sits up and gazes at me with wide eyes.

"Eat." I mouth softly, holding the fork toward her.

"No." She mouths back.

_Is she mocking me?_

"I thought you were hungry." I say, taking a bite myself.

"I'm done now." She mumbles, rubbing her eye with her fist.

I sigh, rising from the floor and putting the bowls in the fridge.

"If you're going to stay with me, you'll learn to clear your plate." I mutter.

When I close the door, she's standing next to me, gazing up at me.

"What do you need now?" I ask, hoping she knows because I really don't.

"I want mommy." She says, her brow creasing with worry.

I stare at her, and she stands there in her hospital issue pajamas, her confused grey eyes staring up at me full of fear and apprehension, and I remember sitting in a hospital bed wearing something similar, staring up at Grace in the very same way.

"Mommy had to go away." I say softly, repeating to her what Grace told me that day. I hope, for both our sakes, Ana won't be gone in the way that the crack whore was, but I'm not sure what to tell the girl. Ana could still die.

"Mr. Grey?" I'm brought back from my thoughts and I look down at her tear-filled eyes. "Are you my daddy?"

My eyes widen, and I'm not sure how to explain the situation we're in.

"Wait here." I say, holding a finger up to her and walking toward my bedroom.

I reach on my bedside table and pick up my blackberry. When I turn around, she's standing in the doorway.

_How does she move so silently?_

"I told you to wait." I say, looking at her with disbelief, but she says nothing. "You don't follow instructions very well. Your mother was the same way." I mumble, dialing Flynn's number.

He answers, and I explain the situation in a hushed tone with my back toward the girl, glancing over my shoulder at her questioning eyes every once in a while.

"Well, what do I tell the girl that won't turn her into a serial killer in the next fifteen years?" I ask, glancing over at her again.

_Where'd she go?_

"Come over first thing in the morning. I have to go now. I've misplaced her." I say quickly, hanging up and tossing the phone onto my bed.

I wander around my room, looking behind the doors and under the bed.

"Hello?" I call out, looking down the hall. "Little girl…." I say, walking out of the room.

I make my way upstairs, still looking for her and becoming more frantic with each empty room I enter. When I return to my bedroom, I'm beside myself with worry, wondering if she could have escaped the apartment. I walk into my room, prepared to call Flynn or the police or the armed forces, _someone_, and I freeze.

"Christ." I whisper in stunned relief when I see her curled up in my bed, sleeping with her thumb in her mouth. I smirk. Ana used to do that, too.

I walk over to the bed, pulling the covers up over her and turning the light down before moving into the arm chair.

…

"Mr. Grey." I'm roused from sleep by a persistent tugging on my hand.

"What…?" I ask, yanking my hand away before realizing what's going on. I open my eyes to find the girl standing in front of me with her sleep messed hair and big grey eyes. "Hi." I say softly.

"Hi." She says back.

"Why are you all wet?" I mumble with confusion, looking at her wet pants.

"I wet the bed." She whispers, casting her eyes down at the floor.

I sit up and look over at the bed. "Oh." I say simply, rising from the chair and stretching the kinks out of my body.

I pick up my blackberry, intent on dialing Taylor, but it's his day off. He's with his daughter. I can't take him away from her. I know she means the world to him.

"Come with me." I say, grabbing her hand and taking her with me upstairs to Danielle's room.

I rifle through the closet for a long while before finding something that will do for the time being.

"These will do until we get to a store." I say, piling a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, the smallest pair of white cotton underwear in the drawers, and a belt onto the girl's arms. "Come." I say, walking toward the door. I turn when I hear a thud and see her and the clothes on the floor.

Sighing, I pick up the clothes and help her to her feet, holding her good hand and leading her into the bathroom attached to the room. I turn on the shower and test the water. I turn to face her and she raises her hands into the air.

"What are you doing?" I ask, raising my brow.

"I need help." She says softly.

"Oh, I don't—I can't do that. That's… inappropriate." I stammer, trying to figure out what I should do.

I walk back into the bedroom, picking up the phone on the bed side table and dial.

"Hello?" She answers groggily.

"Get over here. Come to your bedroom." I say, my voice authoritative. I hang up, glancing over at the girl's face. She seems frightened.

…

I'm pacing the room, the girl's grey eyes following me, but neither of us says anything. After the longest half hour of my life, Danielle walks through the door and gets on her knees in the doorway.

"No, no. Get up." I say, and she does so without hesitation, glancing up at me from beneath her eyelashes. "I need something else from you." I say, pointing to the bathroom doorway where the girl is standing, eyeing us both with confusion.

"Uh, I'm going to go out of character right now because our contract said no children." Danielle says nervously.

"What? No! That's not what I meant." I say sternly. "This is not a scene."

"Oh. Then…" She starts, glancing over to the girl.

"This is my… friend." I explain. "She wet her bed. She needs a bath. The cast can't get wet."

"Oh!" Danielle says, her face relaxing as she understands. "Hi." She says softly, smiling at the girl as she walks toward her. "What's your name?"

The girl looks over Danielle's shoulder at me. I realize she must be frightened. This is a stranger. We're both strangers.

"I'm going to stand here." I say, standing next to the door. "Danielle is going to make sure you're okay in the bath. She's… also my friend." I say, hoping to ease the girl's fears.

"I want mommy." She whispers.

I open my mouth to reply, but Danielle surprises me, beating me to the punch.

"Well, hopefully you can see mommy soon, but in the meantime, you should get cleaned up. You don't want to go see mommy in these dirty clothes, do you?" She asks, her voice soft and sweet.

The girl nods, taking Danielle's proffered hand and follows her into the bathroom.

…

Dressed in the ridiculous outfit I chose for her, the girl enters the living room with Danielle. The girl's hair is dried and pulled back into two buns on the top of her head. I'm thankful that her hair has been tamed. It was becoming quite unruly.

"Okay, munchkin!" Danielle says excitedly, giving the girl a hug. "Tell _your friend_ that you're fresh and ready for the day." She says, glancing at me momentarily from the doorway. I realize she feels out of place. We don't socialize this way.

"You're quite good with her." I muse.

"I have four little sisters." She says with a smile.

"Yes, I know." I reply. I did a thorough background check on her. Father: deceased when she was a small child. Mother: alive. Siblings: four younger sisters.

"Oh. Well, mom was a drinker, so…" She trails off, shrugging uncomfortably. "I took care of everyone."

"Oh." I say. I didn't know this.

"Is there anything else?" She asks, hesitantly.

"No, that's all. You can go." I say, getting up and walking her to the door. She smiles and waves at the girl as we exit the great room and move into the foyer.

"Uh, thank you." I mumble as she boards the elevator.

"Anything for you, Sir." She says quietly, lowering her head and glancing up at me through her eyelashes as the doors close.

…


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: It' probably going to be a couple of days before part six is posted. I normally like to wait until I have a two chapter cushion before posting the next part (Which I don't!) but I figured you've all waited long enough for part five.

**Chapter 5:**

Entering the great room again, I find the girl arranging the couch cushions on the floor.

"Flynn should be here soon. What on earth are you doing?" I ask, running a hand through my hair.

"I'm hungry." She murmurs, plopping down on one of the cushions.

"Oh, let me see what we have. Mrs. Taylor usually cooks. I think she and Mr. Taylor left us alone on purpose. They're sneaky that way."

"When will mommy be back?"

Her voice is quiet and sad. I don't want to turn around to face her.

"I'm not sure." I murmur softly.

"She was bleeding."

I freeze, stopping my search for food in the cupboards as everything hits me at once. Ana and the girl were in a plane crash. She saw her mother bleeding in the aftermath while they waited for help. She was pulled from the wreckage by police and EMT workers. I frown.

_Mommy! Mommy! Mommy is asleep on the floor. She has been asleep for a long time. I brush her hair because she likes that. She doesn't wake up. I shake her. Mommy! My tummy hurts. It is_

_hungry. I am thirsty. In the kitchen I pull a chair to the sink, and I have a drink. The water splashes over my blue sweater. Mommy is still asleep. Mommy, wake up! She lies still. She is cold. I fetch my blankie, and I cover Mommy, and I lie down on the sticky green rug beside her. Mommy is still asleep._ _The lady policeman is here. No. No. No. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I stay by Mommy. No. Stay away from me. The lady policeman has my blankie, and she grabs me. I scream. Mommy! Mommy! I want my Mommy. The words are gone. I can't say the words. Mommy can't hear me. I have no words._

"Mr. Grey?" Her tiny voice shakes me from the memory. I feel something wet on my face and realize I'm crying. "I'm hungry."

"I'll make you something right now." I say softly, turning back to the cupboard and pulling out some granola before turning to the fridge and removing a yogurt cup and some strawberries.

I mix the yogurt and granola into one bowl, slicing the strawberries over top and stirring them in before grabbing the smallest teaspoon I have. On my way over to her pile of cushions, the buzzer goes off.

"One moment." I tell her, making a detour toward the intercom by the door.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Mr. Grey, I have a John Flynn in the lobby to see you." The doorman's voice responds.

"Photo identification?" I ask.

"Done, Sir. He checks out."

"Good. Let him up." I reply, ending the conversation and walking back over to the girl.

"Can you do this yourself?" I ask, handing her the bowl and spoon. She nods firmly, fisting the spoon and pushing it into the bowl.

I quickly run to the kitchen, returning with a cloth napkin and hand it to her. The elevator doors ping and I walk over, leaving the girl to eat.

Flynn follows me into the great room and stops, raising an eyebrow at me as he looks from the girl to me.

"Why is she on the floor?" He asks.

"The stools are too high. They're unsafe." I say, walking over to the girl, watching as she wipes the yogurt from her mouth using the inside neck of her shirt. "Use your napkin!" I shout, pointing at the piece of cloth in her lap.

She stares wide-eyed at me and shrinks in on herself, dropping the bowl on her lap as tears form in her eyes.

"No, don't cry. You don't have any clothes here. I'm sorry." I say softly, kneeling in front of her and picking up the bowl, placing it on the floor next to me. I take the napkin and swipe gently around her mouth, wondering if she got any of the food inside of her mouth.

"You two seem to be getting on well." Flynn says with a smirk. "What's your name?" He asks.

The girl eyes him warily, glancing at me the same way she did with Danielle, so I give her a nod.

"Christian." She murmurs, and Flynn smiles at her before glancing toward me. He's being a smartass. I'm aware of how this all looks.

"Can we chat for a bit, Christian?" He asks. I open my mouth to answer, before I realize he's speaking to the girl.

She nods at him and he takes a seat on the cushion next to her.

"Can Mr. Grey stay with us?" She murmurs quietly, biting her lower lip nervously.

Flynn raises an eyebrow at me. "Mr. Grey?" He asks, gesturing to the cushion on the other side of the girl.

_This is going to be interesting._

Before he leaves, Flynn assures me that the girl is doing well, considering what she's been through and how she's been thrust into an unfamiliar home.

"What do I do about her question?" I ask, referring to what I told him about the previous night.

"Do you know what Ana has told her?"

"No. I had no idea, John…" I say. "I would have—I would have tried to help if I'd known." I say, glancing over at the girl.

"Well, maybe you should start by letting her call you by your name. Mr. Grey is quite informal for one's daughter." I nod. "And maybe stop calling her little girl. Use her name. Ask her what she'd like to you to call her." I nod again. "You've got a great little girl, Christian. Get to know her. You don't know how long you'll have her."

…

"Are we going to mommy?" She asks as we ride down the elevator.

"No, we're going to get you some clothes."

"Then mommy?"

"We can't see mommy right now." I say as calmly as possible.

"Is she still sleeping?"

"Yes."

"Why is she sleeping?"

"Shhhh." I say, putting my finger to my lips.

I'm relieved when the elevator door opens and I take her hand, leading her through the parking garage toward the Audi SUV. I open the back door and gesture for her to climb in, but she just stares at me.

"Where's my seat?" She asks, gesturing to the empty backseat with her casted arm.

"You can have any seat you like." I say indulgently, trying not to become annoyed. _Why is this such an ordeal?_

"There's no big girl seat." She says, staring up at me.

"Oh." I say. _Shit._

…

An hour and $1500 later, I've convinced my doorman who convinced my neighbour with several small children, to sell me a child's safety seat. I'll need to invest in a newer model with better safety features, but this one will have to do.

"So, what do they call you?" I ask, glancing at her in the rearview mirror.

"Christian." She says, sounding confused.

"Nobody calls you anything else?"

"Auntie Kate calls me Baby Katie." She says with a frown. "I'm not a baby." She grumbles, and I laugh.

"What does your mother call you?"

"Mommy calls me CJ." She replies sadly, and I realize that I probably shouldn't have reminded her that she can't see her mother.

"CJ… I can deal with that." I say as we pull up outside the only store I know of that sells children's clothing.

As we walk into the store, I tell her she can call me Christian if she likes. She responds with a shrug, and I'm not sure what it means.

"Hello, we require a personal shopper." I say, approaching the young woman standing behind the cash counter.

"Um, GAP Kids doesn't really have personal shoppers, sir." She replies, looking at me as if I have two heads.

"You're kidding." I say, glancing around at the teenage employees folding and hanging items.

"Who would like to help me and make a little extra on their next paycheck?" I ask them, but nobody moves.

They glance from me to one another, acting as if I'm insane.

"Let me rephrase." I start. "My name is Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Incorporated. For those of you who aren't catching on, that means I can, and will buy this store right now and fire each and every one of you." They gasp in unison. That's the response I'm used to. "Now, who would like to help my friend and I find something to wear?"

…

"We need to make another stop." I say, pulling the car up in front of the drug store.

"I'm hungry." She says, and I look at the clock.

"Shit! I didn't realize how late it was." I turn when she gasps and see that her hand is covering her mouth. "What's wrong?" I ask, concerned. "Are you ill?"

"You said a potty word!" She says in a hushed tone, pointing at me with her good hand.

"I said what?" I ask, eyeing her questioningly.

"You said a bad word!" She scolds. "You're in BIG trouble!"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I say, feeling self-conscious about my slip. I hadn't even noticed that I'd said it. "I'm just going to run in this store and get you some items." I say, climbing out of the car. "Here, play with this." I say, handing her my blackberry and closing the door.

I use the remote on my keys to lock the doors and set the alarm on the Audi before hurrying into the store.

…

My basket is nearly full. I have a cashier helping me choose child-friendly shampoos and soaps.

"Why does she need her own toothpaste?" I ask as the young woman hands me a bright pink tube.

"Well, kids don't really like the minty taste of toothpaste. This one tastes like bubble gum." She says, pointing out the label and blinking up at me.

_It's just a pretty face, baby._

I nod, dropping the tube into the basket.

"Does she wear diapers?" The young woman asks.

"Well, she pissed in my bed last night, but she assures me that doesn't happen all the time." I mutter. "We purchased undergarments already today." I continue when the woman eyes me warily.

…

I glance at my watch as I check out. _Shit. I really need to get her some lunch._ I hit the alarm release button as I approach the SUV with my bags.

"Excuse me, is this your car?" A woman asks, wrangling two small children.

"It appears that way." I reply sarcastically as I open the trunk and put the bags in.

"I've been standing here for fifteen minutes, watching your car." She says. She looks angry. I give her a once over, appraising her attire and her children.

"It's an Audi. You probably can't afford one." I say, walking toward the driver's door.

"Sir, you should just know that it isn't safe to leave your child unattended in the car!" She shouts at me.

"This is one of the safest vehicles in the world. With the doors locked and the alarm set, my child is very secure." I assure her, glancing at the older of her two children. "Yours just ate something he pulled from his nose."

I close my door, shutting out the woman and smirking smugly. I like this. CJ is fits into my lifestyle nicely. All of my assets, including her, are better than the average person's. I look back at CJ's face, hoping to share my triumph with her. She looks so sad, and it makes my chest ache. Turning my mood around completely.

"How about we get some food now?" I ask. She nods and hands me back my phone. "Thanks."

…

I haven't been in a McDonald's in years. The food is grotesque, but this is the only place I could think of that served child sized meals. I add that to my list of things to search when we get home, along with a better clothing and shoe store.

I watch her eat excruciatingly slow, but she seems to be enjoying herself. I'm glad she's eating. I was worried she would be like her mother and defy me about eating three times a day.

My phone buzzes, and I fish it out of my jacket pocket.

"Elliott."

"Hi, how's it, uh, going?" He asks as if he's not sure what to say.

"Oh, you know, it's all lollypops and fucking unicorns over here, Ell. How the hell do you think it is?" I hear a gasp and look up at CJ. Her grey eyes are wide and her hand is frozen in midair, a French fry poised in front of her open mouth. "I'm sorry." I mouth, listening to Elliott speak, but she shakes her head, glaring at me.

"How's Ana?"

"I haven't been able to go there yet today, but I called. There's no change. Taylor is going over there later today, once he drops off Sophie."

"We're still trying to get back. Everything is backed up. People are trying to get to Seattle from all over." He explains apologetically. "Kate wants to speak to the baby."

"She's not a baby." I say automatically, having heard CJ say it a million times today. I hand her the phone, and instantly regret it when her greasy little fingers come in contact with my hand.

"Mommy?" She asks excitedly. My stomach clenches as her face drops with disappointment."I'm fine. Mr. Grey isn't scary." She says, glancing at me funny. "We went shopping."

I listen to her one sided conversation for a little longer before she hands me back my now greasy phone.

"Hello?"

"Christian Grey, you had better be taking care of that baby, or so help me…"

"Kate, she's doing well, considering." I say, quoting Flynn. I hear a sob and then silence before Elliott comes back on the line.

"Keep us informed, okay?" He says, his voice sounding pained.

"I will. I'm going to try to get over there once Gail is back at Escala." I murmur before we say goodbye and I tuck my phone away.

…

Dressed in a brand new pair of bright pink pajamas that rival her cast, CJ comes into the great room with Gail.

"She's all ready for bed, Sir."

"Thank you." I say, rising from the sofa and walking over to them.

"Shall I put her to bed now?" Gail asks, and I nod.

"Yes, please. That would be wonderful." I reply, looking down at CJ. "Goodnight." I say firmly before turning toward the kitchen in search of a much needed glass of wine.

I'm startled when I feel something grasp my around the knees.

"Goodnight, Mr. Grey." She says softly, hugging my legs tightly. I look down at her, eyeing her warily before glancing up at Gail. She has a wide smile on her face.

"You can call me Christian." I say softly, reiterating what I told her at the clothing store. I suppose she's still not sure. I turn slightly and stroke her soft curls.

"Goodnight, Christian." She whispers, squeezing my legs one last time before prancing off toward Gail.

I watch them exit the great room and disappear down the hall before I remember.

...

I tap on the open door as Gail helps CJ into the pink canopy bed that Taylor assembled this evening, pulling the brand new princess covers up over her. The room looks strange with all these new items in it, but it looks more like a little girl's room now.

"We bought these today." I murmur, holding up the bag from the bookstore.

"Oh, why don't you read her one of them?" Gail suggests, before kissing CJ's forehead and walking toward the door.

"I should read them?" I ask. Gail nods, and winks at me as she squeezes past me through the door and leaves.

I sit on the edge of her bed and take the stack of books that she chose out of the bag.

"I like this one." She says, picking up a picture book.

"Are You My Mother?" I read the title out loud. It sounds familiar to me, but I'm not sure why.

"A mother bird sat on her egg…" I begin reading. Not far into the story, CJ begins reciting the words as well. "You've read this one before?" I ask, and she smirks up at me. "Why don't you read it to me?" I ask, and she takes the book from my hands.

I recline back against the headboard, stretching my legs out on the small bed, and I listen to her tell me the story.

"Then the mommy bird said 'I have to get something for my baby bird to eat. I will be back!' and she flewed away."

I close my eyes, and listen as she continues, and I begin feeling an ache in my chest.

"'Are you my mother?' He asked a hen." She 'reads' and I feel the pain becoming more raw.

"That's enough." I whisper, sitting up.

"But the story isn't done yet." She says with confusion.

"It's too scary for you." I tell her, hoping she'll accept my reasoning and move on to a different book.

"It's okay. He finds his mommy in the end. Just listen." She tells me, looking down at the book again and continuing.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I remember something, something from before I lived with Grace and Carrick.

"_It's okay, Baby Bird." The woman tells me, stroking my hair. _

_I'm scared, and I miss my mommy. I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't know these people. The other kids at this house aren't nice to me. Dr. Grace is nice. She wants me to live with her. I want to live with her. She smells nice._

"_Shall we read the story now?" The woman asks me, sitting on the edge of my bed. I nod silently, shifting slightly away from her when her arm touches mine. _

"_A mother bird sat on her egg…"_

"I do have a mommy said the baby bird." She reads, her adamant voice bringing me back to the present.

She pauses, I open my eyes, glancing down at her sad grey eyes.

"I don't have a daddy." She says softly. I watch her, unsure of what I should say. "Mommy says that I do, but he's sad right now. She told me that maybe when he's not so sad anymore, he will want to see us." She continues.

Her voice quiet and cracking with emotion. She feels abandoned and rejected, and I feel at fault.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, stroking her hair.

"Can we pretend that you're my daddy?" She asks, gazing into my eyes.

"If you'd like to." I whisper back, feeling the ache in my chest begin to throb.

"Then, when I go home with mommy, Abigail can't tell me I don't have a daddy." She says through a yawn.

"Who's Abigail?" I ask

"She's in my class. She's mean to me. She said I don't have a daddy because I'm a bad girl." She whispers, looking contrite.

"When you see her again, you can tell her that you do have a father, and he's very fond of you." I whisper, closing my eyes and leaning back against the headboard with my hands laced behind my head.

I freeze as I feel her snuggle up to me, placing her head on my chest. I swallow hard. I can't handle this touching.

"I love you, Christian." She mumbles sleepily.

I gasp at her genuine declaration. It's comforting. I believe her, but it's contrasting with the physical sensations. I stay completely still, terrified to move for fear of causing her to move any further onto my body, but the feeling of her touching my chest pains me. I carefully reach into my pocket and remove my blackberry, dialing Taylor's number.

"Sir?" He asks with confusion.

"I need backup in CJ's bedroom." I whisper before hanging up.

A moment later, I see Taylor's gun appear in the doorway and choke.

"Taylor." I whisper as he enters the room, raising an eyebrow at me. "I need you to move her." I gasp, feeling claustrophobic now.

Taylor nods, knowing exactly what to do, and moves her gently off of my body and onto her pillow. I watch her as I carefully ease off of the bed and follow him out of the room.

…

"You'll be okay here with her?" I ask, Gail as I pick up my jacket off the back of the sofa.

"We'll be just fine. You go find out how Ana is." Gail replies, kissing Taylor's cheek briefly before shooing us out into the foyer toward the elevator.

"I'd like to increase security while she's here." I say as we ride down to the garage.

"Yes, sir."

"Two for her at all times, around the clock." I say, watching Taylor nod as he mentally files my request. "One male and one female for each shift." I add, and I notice the corners of his lips twitch.

…

"She's stable, Mom. She's in a coma still. There is still swelling on her brain." I explain, relaying the information that Ana's doctors have given me. "I've spoken to my pilot and Air Traffic Control. I've been permitted to send the company jet to retrieve you day after tomorrow." I say, giving her the details she needs to meet the jet. "I'll be sending for Ana's parents as soon as you're here to oversee her care."

"I'll be with you soon, darling." She says in a soothing voice. "I love you." She whispers before hanging up.

I tuck my phone into my pocket and walk into the large ward style ICU room. The nurse smiles at me as I walk back over to the chair I'd vacated to call my family. I sit down next to Ana's bed and take her hand in mine.

"You have to be okay." I whisper, stroking her knuckles. "Your daughter needs you to be okay. I need you to be okay." I brush my lips across the back of her hand. "I'm sorry." I say softly against her skin before rising and walking out of the room.

…

I hear voices coming from the great room and glance over at my clock. It's not even six yet. I climb out of my bed and stroll down the hall, listening as the voices grow louder. I sigh inwardly as I recognize who is here.

"Elena." I say coldly, wishing, for the first time, that she didn't have free access to my home.

She raises a finger at me and continues speaking into her phone. I raise an eyebrow at her and glance over to CJ.

"G'mornin', Christian." She says sweetly, walking over to me and hugging my legs. I freeze, stiffening slightly, as I take a deep breath and place my hand on her hair.

"Hi." I say because it's all I can manage without choking. Clearing my throat, I pull out of her grasp and take her hand. "Are you hungry?" I ask, leading her toward the breakfast bar.

She nods, and I lift her carefully into one of the new chairs we bought. It has a back and arms on either side, and it makes me feel much more comfortable about her eating at the counter.

"I don't like your friend." She whispers, glancing over at Elena as she speaks in hushed tones into her phone.

"I don't like her very much either." I say, placing a bowl of cereal down in front of CJ. "Eat." I command before walking toward Elena.

"No, social services needs to pick her up immediately. There's no proof that he's even her father." She says to whomever she's called.

I take the phone from her and listen for a moment.

"That won't be necessary. My daughter and I are both happy with our arrangement." I say brusquely before hanging up and tossing the phone into Elena's lap.

"Christian…" She says, trying to sound soothing.

"Get out." I say coldly, but she doesn't move.

I grab her by the arm, pulling her to her feet and across the great room. "I told you to leave." I say, pushing the elevator button.

I don't even really know her part in all of this, but I know she betrayed me. She knew, and she kept this information from me. I trusted her implicitly. I depended on her and looked up to her and she betrayed me.

"Christian, you're hurting me." She says, trying to pull free of my grip.

"Stay away from me, Elena, and stay the fuck away from my daughter!" I shout, releasing her arm as I simultaneously shove her into the elevator. "Don't come back here." I say, staring into her eyes as the doors close.

"Christian?"

"What?" I snap irritably. "Sorry." I say more softly when I realize it was CJ speaking to me.

"Are you my for real daddy?" She asks, her grey eyes wide and boring into mine.

I hesitate only a moment before I nod. "Yes. I'm your father."

"Okay." She says, scooping her cereal onto the spoon.

"Are you alright with that?" I ask, sitting on the stool next to her.

She shrugs shyly and looks down at her bowl. I watch her carefully as looks up at me from beneath her long dark lashes.

"Can I call you Daddy?" She whispers.

I'm taken aback by her question.

_Why would she want to do that?_ I feel uneasy, but also something else, something good and warm.

"I would like that very much." I whisper back, stroking her hair. "Eat your breakfast."

"I thought I heard someone down here." Gail says and she and Taylor wander into the kitchen fully dressed.

"We had company." I mutter irritably.

"She was mean." CJ adds. "Daddy kicked her to the curb!"

Gail laughs out loud, and I notice Taylor trying to hide his smirk as he sits down at the end of the breakfast bar.

As the four of us eat the breakfast that Gail has prepared, Taylor and I discuss the flight plan for the jet to retrieve my family… and Katherine.

"What's a gold digger?" CJ asks when there's a quite lull in the conversation.

"I beg your pardon?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

"What's a gold digger?" She repeats, gazing up at me.

"Don't worry about it." I mutter, sipping from my coffee.

"Is it someone who digs for gold?" She presses on.

"Yes, that's precisely what it is. A gold digger, a miner, like the small men in the Sleeping Beauty movie." I agree with her, hoping it will end her line of questioning.

"Snow White." Taylor says under his breath, and I nod agreeing as if I knew that.

"I want to be a cereal digger." She says, scooping her cereal, which is now soggy due to her less than speedy eating habits, onto the spoon and shoving it ungracefully into her mouth.

We all chuckle at her innocence, and I'm glad to have the conversation steered elsewhere, knowing that she heard that term from Elena.

"Where's Jill?" She asks, and I roll my eyes.

"Who's Jill?"

"My nanny. She came on the plane with us. We were gonna have a super fun time while mommy went to the wedding." She says casually, carefully picking up her bowl and drinking the milk from it slowly.

"I'm not sure. I'll find out though. Do you know Jill's surname?" I ask, glancing toward Taylor with an unspoken request.

"I don't think she has one. She's just Jill." I sigh. She's not going to be much help.

"Okay. We'll try to find her." I assure her. "Are you done?"

She nods, bringing her good arm up toward her mouth.

"Not on your sleeve." I scold, gently grasping her wrist to stop her.

She glances up at me briefly before leaning forward and wiping her mouth across the sleeve of my long sleeved t-shirt.

…

Upon speaking to the hospital, Taylor informs me that Jill was still a patient in the hospital but had only minor injuries compared to Anastasia. The brunt of her injuries were to her legs, which she needed surgery to repair. The doctor assured us that she was fine, otherwise and would need a few days to recover in the hospital.

"Can we go see her?" CJ asks me as we walk toward the elevator of Grey Enterprises, but I shake my head.

"The hospital is no place for a child." I inform her more sternly than I intended.

"I want to see mommy." She says adamantly, crossing her arms and stopping in the middle of the lobby.

"We can discuss this upstairs." I tell her, narrowing my eyes at her.

"No! We can disgust it now!" She shouts, mispronouncing the word.

I stare at her wide-eyed and surprised at her outburst for a moment, but I soon grasp my bearings.

"I said we would discuss it upstairs." I say in a slow, quite voice, extending my hand to her.

"I said NOW!" She shouts even louder this time, stomping one foot at me and drawing the attention of my employees and visitors to my building.

Without another word, I step toward her, picking her up and walking toward the elevator.

"I WANT MY MOMMY! HELP! MOMMY! MOMMY!" She screams, drawing even more attention toward us.

I freeze again, holding her out from my body like she's a mangy animal. I'm shocked and somewhat frightened by this angry little beast in my grasp. I'm not sure what to say. She's so defiant and I want to punish her, but I know this is an inappropriate reaction on my part.

"Stop screaming." I say calmly, staring into her troubled eyes.

"Take me to see mommy right now." She says, narrowing her eyes at me.

I glance around at the people staring at us and cock my head to the side.

"Grey Enterprises and Holdings doesn't negotiate with terrorists." I tell her, smirking a little.

"What?" She asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I secretly love that she can execute that facial expression so well.

"I negotiate with rational, well mannered, upstanding members of society and most importantly the business world." I explain, slowly stepping onto the open elevator so she won't notice in her confusion and gently placing her on the floor of the cart before reaching to push the button.

"I wanna push it!" She shouts, jumping up and down as the doors close and we embark on our trip upward.

"I'm afraid that pushing the elevator button is a privilege, not a right. You'll have to earn that." I explain, pressing the button and keeping my eyes fixed on the closed doors.

She mumbles something, and I look down at her.

"I don't take kindly to embarrassing tantrums in the lobby of my workplace. If you wish to jump up and down and scream bloody murder again, save it until we're in the privacy of our own home." I say in a low voice, thankful that we're alone.

"You can't tell me what to do." She says angrily.

I'm shocked, and I look down to find her glaring up at me. Her eyes smoldering with anger.

"I can and I will tell you what to do. Until your mother gets out of the hospital, I'm in charge. Who knows, maybe we'll be stuck with each other forever!" I growl, turning to face the elevator doors once more.

I'm satisfied when she remains silent. I've won this parenting battle. I fight the smile twitching at my mouth because I want to maintain my stern face. I don't want to make light of her behaviour.

"I don't like you anymore." She whispers, and I whip my head toward her. "You're not my daddy."

I'm appalled as I watch her wipe her tears on the sleeve of her shirt. Why is she crying? I can't bear it. My chest aches.

"CJ, I—" I start, hoping for her to look up at me, but she doesn't. She stares straight ahead at the elevator doors.

I didn't want her to cry. I wanted her to understand that I'm in charge. I'm only looking out for her well being. She doesn't get that. She's not very logical at all.

She's ridiculously stubborn, not to mention disobedient and she has the smartest mouth I've ever heard since… shit. She's exactly like Ana.

"This is us." I mutter softly when the doors open on my floor.

My receptionist hurries toward me carrying a stack of mail and various phone messages, but I wave her away, heading directly toward my office with CJ beside me.

As soon as she enters the office, I close the door behind us and gaze down at her troubled face.

"I didn't mean to yell at you." I say calmly, watching her face to gauge her reaction.

She stares emotionless at the wall behind me.

"CJ." I say, hoping to make her look at me, but she doesn't respond. "Christian…" I try again, feeling odd about saying my own name. I feel uncomfortable and unsure what to do with her or say to her as she stands in front of me, angry and alone. I wonder if this is how I made Grace and Carrick feel when I was a child.

"Is she dead?" She finally whispers.

"No." I whisper back, as if raising my voice any louder than hers will spook her.

"Why can't I see her?" She asks, sniffling slightly as fresh tears roll down her face.

"She's very ill. She…" I pause, unsure of how much I can tell her without tainting her innocence.

I've only known her a few days, but I'm already devastatingly worried that the entire experience will ruin her entire life. I had Grace and Carrick to help me through it, but who does she have? She has fifty shades of fucked up trying to guide her in the right direction.

"She was hurt very badly, and the doctors are fixing her. She's—she's asleep, but they can't wake her up just now." I explain, furrowing my brow as I try to make her understand.

"Do you want mommy to wake up soon?" She asks, blinking at me.

"Of course I do." I say, nodding firmly.

"So that I will leave?" Her voice cracks slightly, and I'm shocked.

"No. I want her to wake up because you need her." I explain. "Frankly, I don't want you to ever leave." I say, more to myself than to her.

"I miss my home." She whispers, knotting her fingers in front of her and biting on her lower lip.

"You don't like Escala?"I ask, wondering what is so bad about my apartment.

"No." She shakes her head.

"Why?"

"It doesn't have home stuff in it." She says with a shrug.

"I have furniture." I defend my decorating style.

"There's no pictures of me and of Mommy and our family. There's no drawings on the fridge. Your house is scary and big and mean."

"Come." I say, extending my hand. "We're going to forget the contracts I had to sign. They can wait."

She eyes me warily, and I frown.

"Please?" I ask, feeling uncomfortable with her constant defiance, but it does the trick. She takes my hand, and I lead her back out of the office, ignoring my receptionist as she follows me with a steady stream of questions.

…

"Smile." I say encouragingly as I hold the camera up to my eye and snap a photo of CJ sitting on the sofa.

Instead, I'm rewarded with a scowl and a raised eyebrow. It's cute, nonetheless and makes me smile.

"Why don't I take one of the two of you?" Gail asks, standing in the doorway. I turn, surprised by her presence, and I wonder how long she's been watching.

I look to CJ, wondering if she even wants a photo with me, and she shrugs.

"Go on." Gail coaxes as she takes the camera from my hand. I raise a brow at her, wondering when she became so much like family and so unlike common staff. She's comfortable ordering me around, and I'm not sure I'd appreciate it from anyone else.

I sit down next to CJ, and we both stiffen under the scrutiny of the lens.

"Mr. Grey, you need to move a little closer." Gail instructs from behind the camera.

I shift closer.

"Hmm, you're quite tall. CJ, go up on your knees."

CJ does as she's requested, kneeling up at tall as she can, and Gail snaps the photo.

"Smile." Gail says excitedly. For some reason her relaxed enjoyment of taking these photos makes me smirk, and the flash goes off again.

"Make a fishy face, Daddy!" CJ tells me, squishing her cheeks with her hands so that her lips pucker dramatically.

My mouth twitches in a half smile and the flash goes off again.

"Like this!" She says, mimicking her previous motions on my own face.

I'm taken aback by her contact, and I'm vaguely aware of several bursts of light, as I feel myself melting from the joy in CJ's eyes.

She's enjoying this.

…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This chapter is slightly shorter than the usual, but I wanted to leave you on the note that I left you on. (You'll see what I mean)

I've begun writing the next chapter, but I don't have my two chapter cushion to work with anymore, so it may be a couple of days before Chapter 7 is going to be finished and posted. I'm going to say Monday or Tuesday because I'm also working on an essay for a bursary to help pay my college tuition. (Yaay)

I'm so glad everyone is loving CJ. I've heard nothing but wonderful things from all of you, and I can't even begin to express how wonderful that makes me feel!

-EDIT: it's been brought to my attention that I fluffed up a little on the hotel name! Oops! Sorry guys & thanks for letting me know! The Heathman is in PORTLAND, not SEATTLE. I've changed that in this part and will ensure to use the FAIRMONT, which is in Seattle.

**Chapter 6:**

_"Daddy! Help me!" She screams as she's pulled from me. _

_"Come back!" I shout, running toward her, but the figure carrying her away from me keeps moving further away. "You can't take her from me!" _

_I can't keep up. She's so far away, and suddenly I can no longer hear her screaming or see her and the figure anymore. She's gone. My baby is gone. I've lost her._

I sit straight up in my bed, sweating and breathing heavily. I blink into the darkness, running my hand through my hair.

"Shit." I mutter, glad to have woken up from that dream.

"Daddy?"

I jump, startled when her quiet voice speaks out. I look over and see her lying on the other side of my bed.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask quietly, glad for the assurance that I haven't really lost her.

"I had a bad dream." She replies softly, rubbing her eyes.

"Me too." I whisper, falling back down onto my pillows.

"You don't like hugs." She says, staring at me with sleepy eyes.

I stare at her, wondering why she's pointing this out now.

"You always do this," she says, stiffening her entire body and widening her grey eyes, "whenever I hug you."

"I don't mean to." I say, feeling ashamed that I can't bear my child's touch, ashamed that she notices.

"Will you hold my hand, so I don't fall?" I gaze curiously at her.

"Why would you fall? This is a big bed." I explain.

"The airplane was big too." She says, her voice cracking.

"Come here." I whisper, holding my breath as I pull her closer, wrapping my arm around her and tucking her small body in against my side. "I won't let you fall ever again. I promise." I continue, releasing my breath and taking another deep breath, exhaling it slowly.

"I was scared." She says, and I still, listening to her, letting her get this off her chest. "There was loud noises, and Mommy put a mask on my face. She was crying. I think mommy was scared too."

"Then what?" I ask softly, not wanting to startle her.

I'll never admit this to anyone, especially Flynn, but he's right when he says that talking about terrible things helps you to get over them. I want her to get over this. I want her to be happy and wonderful, not fearful.

"Then Mommy hit her head, and she wouldn't wake up, and I was crying and shaking her, but she wouldn't answer me." She says, her brow creasing with troubled thoughts. "Then there was bright lights, like when the sun is in my eyes, and a man was talking to me. He wanted me to go with him, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay with Mommy. He picked me up, and I was crying. My arm hurted a lot, too. I just wanted Mommy to wake up and come with me."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wish I could take it all away from you, make it so that never happened." I say, stroking her hair away from her face. "I won't let anything like that happen again."

"I wish my mommy was here." She says through a yawn.

"Me too." I say back, more to myself, but she eyes me curiously.

"You wish my mommy was here?"

"Well, yes, but I was talking about my mom." I explain shyly, feeling embarrassed that I feel strongly about needing someone.

"Is your mommy nice?" She asks softly.

"Yes. She's very nice."

"Does she give good hugs? My mommy gives good hugs."

"I'm not sure. I don't like to be hugged, remember?" I reply warily as the conversation goes further than I'd like it.

"Have you ever hugged anyone? Ever in your whole life?" She asks, her eyes wide with wonder.

"I don't recall ever hugging anyone, no." I reply. For some reason, I find her so easy to talk to. She's just a child, but she has a knack for pulling the information from me with such ease.

"Maybe you should try it. How do you know you won't like it, if you never tried it?" She asks, and I roll my eyes.

The world through the mind of four-year-old is so matter-of-fact and simple.

"My GiGi makes me try weird foods all the time. She can't cook so good, but Mommy says we should be polite. GiGi says, if you didn't ever try it before, you should try it at least once to see if it's really as bad as you think it will be."

"Who's your GiGi?" I ask softly.

"She's my mommy's mommy. She didn't want to be called Grandma because she's too young and fabulous for that."

"Oh, I suppose she is." I agree. "I'll keep that advice in mind. Perhaps someday." I mutter, glancing at the clock that reads 4:13. "Go back to sleep." I say, closing my eyes and tightening my arm around her slightly, holding her in place at my side.

…

"Christian?" I hear my mother's voice echoing throughout the great room as I sit on the edge of CJ's bed, pulling her hair into a second pigtail.

"In here!" CJ and I both call back. I glance down at her, narrowing my eyes as a smirk plays at my lips. I grin ever wider when I see an identical expression gracing her tiny face.

"She's calling me." I say in a mock menacing tone, kissing CJ's head as I move to stand up.

"Don't go!" She cries, grabbing my arm and clinging to it.

"I'll be back in a moment." I say softly, but the room is being invaded already.

My parents, Mia, Elliott, and Kate enter the bedroom, looking at CJ and I with shocked expressions.

"Oh my god, she's so cute!" Mia shrieks, breaking the stunned silence and lunging toward us. She lands on her knees next to CJ and reaches for her.

CJ clings to me, her tiny fingers digging into my forearm and her face cramming against my hip.

"Mia!" My mother scolds her.

Mia frowns up at me, and I narrow my eyes, silently scolding her, though I agree; CJ is quite cute, if I do say so myself.

She's dressed in a pair of jeans, a pale pink hooded sweater, and bright pink Converse. I was impressed that she picked this out herself.

"Hey, Baby Katie." Katherine says softly, moving to the front of the crowd. "Do you remember me?"

CJ peeks over at her, keeping a firm grip on me, but quickly buries her face back in my pant leg. She's confused and nervous, possibly frightened. I can feel her trembling against my leg.

"Perhaps you can all go and wait in the family room while she finishes getting ready." I say in a stern voice, placing my hand on CJ's back.

They all nod, filing out of the bedroom.

"Mom..." I say quietly, stopping her as the rest of the group leaves.

"Yes, Darling?" She asks, looking at me with worried eyes as I gently disentangle myself from CJ's body and move toward her.

I hesitate only a moment before stiffly wrapping my arms around my mother and burying my face in her neck. I can tell she's startled, but her arms envelop me in return, holding me close as I stifle a sob.

When we pull apart a moment later, I feel a warmth I've never felt from within me. I glance down as my mother reaches into the pocket of my pinstriped jacket and removes my handkerchief, gently dabbing it on her moistened cheeks.

"Sorry." I mutter, giving her a shy smile.

"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for doing that, Christian." She says, gazing at me as fresh tears threaten to fall.

"Did you like it?" We're both startled from our moment by CJ's voice.

"Yes. It felt very nice… comforting." I say, softly. "Come." I command, holding my hand to her.

She takes it and steps toward my mother and I. When I look at Grace, she looks a combination of amused and curious, but I ignore it for the time being.

"Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey, I'm pleased to introduce you to Christian Katherine Grey." I say with a flourish.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Christian." Grace says, smiling down at CJ and extending her hand. "That must get confusing." She says, winking at me.

CJ eyes my mother's hand warily, glancing up at me for reassurance. I nod, my lips twitching with the hint of a smile as she takes Grace's hand and shakes it gently.

"I'm CJ." She whispers shyly. "You're a doctor?" she asks with wide eyes.

"Yes." My mother nods.

"Can you fix my mommy?"

Grace smiles softly. I know she wants to say 'yes'. I want her to say 'yes', but she can't make that promise.

"I'm going to try my very best, darling." She says, stroking CJ's cheek. "There are some people out in the living room that would really love to meet you. Are you okay with that?"

CJ looks up at me, her brow creased with anxiety.

"It'll be fine." I assure her, stooping to pick her up.

…

"Because she was sworn to secrecy!" I hear Mia say in a hushed but harsh voice.

"Stay out of it, Mia." Elliot snaps, turning back to Kate. "You should have told me."

"It wasn't my job to tell. We've have this discussion so many fucking times since you guys found out. Can you just drop it?" Kate snaps back.

"You could have convinced Ana to tell us!" Elliott yells back.

"If you want to know why she didn't tell you, ask you brother!" Kate yells back.

I've heard enough. My daughter doesn't need to see this anger. If anyone is angry, it's me, and I've been able to hold it together for my child. I clear my throat as we enter, and everyone turns, smiling as if the entire conversation never happened.

"This is CJ." I say, feeling her arms tighten around my neck ever so slightly as everyone looks at her.

"Hello, CJ." My father says, approaching slowly. "My name is Carrick. I'm your grandfather."

"Like PopPop?" She asks, looking inquisitively at my face.

I nod softly.

"This is your Auntie Mia." My father says, beckoning Mia to come over.

"I can't wait to buy you dresses and play makeover with you! I always wanted a baby sister! You're so cute!" Mia gushes, reaching toward CJ and pinching her cheeks.

CJ stiffens in much the same way as I do when I'm touched unexpectedly. I glance down and see her grey eyes wide with terror as she stares at my sister.

"Mia…" My father says in a warning tone before I even have a chance to open my mouth.

"This is your Uncle Elliott." My father says, brining Elliott forward.

"Hello, CJ." Elliott says, smiling softly at her. "We've been waiting to meet you for very long time." He continues, and I note that his eyes look sad.

"Do you know your Auntie Kate?" My father asks as Kate steps forward with a big grin.

"I'm not a baby!" CJ says, pointing a finger at Kate.

"I know. I'll just have to get used to calling you CJ, but you'll always be a baby to me." Kate says, stroking CJ's pudgy little hand.

"How did you get out of the computer?" She asks curiously, causing the room to erupt in laughter.

…

I glance over at Mia and Kate playing with dolls on the floor with CJ, then to Elliott and my father standing near the kitchen speaking in hushed tones before I turn back to my mother.

"Well?" She repeats. "Have you gone to see her?"

I tilt my head to the side, knowing that she won't be happy with my answer.

"I did, just for a moment, to check on her progress." I answer quietly. "I called today. There's been no change."

"Christian!" She scolds me, maintaining her hushed tone.

"I have CJ. I can't bring her to that place, to see her mother in that state." I defend.

"You have Gail and Taylor to keep watch on CJ. You could have gone to spend a few moments with Ana."

"I'm angry with her, Mom. I feel so angry that she kept CJ from me. She just ran away when things got too hard." I admit. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?" She asks, her perfectly sculpted brow creasing.

"That Ana will never wake up. That she will wake up, and she'll take CJ from me again." I answer, feeling a dull ache in my chest as I remember my dream. "I may not be the world's greatest dad, but I'm still her father. I still have a right, don't I?"

"Whatever the reasons for you two not being together or raising CJ together, you have a right to know and see your child, Christian. CJ has a right to have her father in her life." She tells me, forcing me to look into her eyes.

"What if Ana doesn't make it? CJ will have nobody." I say, glancing over at her where she's still playing.

"She'll have you, and you'll have us." Grace says, hesitantly taking my hand. "You never stopped having us. We've… we've been worried about you since, well, since Ana left you've just not been yourself."

"I'm sorry, Mom." I whisper, squeezing her hand.

"CJ can stay here with Mia and Gail. I'm going to the hospital to check on Ana and familiarize myself with her case. You're welcome to join me." She says.

A war wages on inside of me. I want to be there. I want to see Ana, hold her, make her wake up, but I'm angry and confused. I'm hurt and I'm afraid if I open up and hope that she'll be well again and we can work on where we went wrong, she'll leave again. I couldn't bear losing her a second time, whether it be in death or because she simply doesn't want me.

"Okay." I whisper, agreeing before I can convince myself of all the reasons not to go, not to care.

"Good. Let's get moving. I want to get there as soon as we can." She says, going all trauma doc on me with her high efficiency attitude. "And when you're ready, I'd like to hear your side of this whole mess."

I say goodbye to CJ and leave her in the capable hands of my sister and Gail as the rest of us head to the hospital.

"I like your new décor." My mother says, breaking the nervous silence enveloping the elevator.

I smirk, giving her a sideways glance and noticing the discreet grins all around me.

"We needed an update." I say casually.

"It looks lovely, adds a little something… homey to the apartment." My mother continues casually.

"Yes, I think so too." I agree with a nod, keeping my voice nonchalant.

"Although, most parents hang their child's drawings on the refrigerator with magnets, not in frames that once held priceless works of art." My father adds, his voice laced with humour.

"They still hold priceless works of art." I reply, maintaining a casual tone as I chance a sideways glance at my parents and see them grinning at one another.

"What have you done with the Madonnas in the foyer?" Elliott asks, snickering at me.

"I put them in them in the guest room." I say with a loud sigh. "Yes, I hung photos of my daughter and myself in the foyer. I'm a proud daddy. Let's move on now." I snap, feeling irritated with this conversation.

I know they're not used to me having such a blatantly soft exterior, but I wasn't thinking about me when I hung the photos and the drawings. I did it for CJ. She needs to feel at home. I didn't do it because I want corny family photos. It was for her.

"I did it for CJ, not me." I mumble petulantly, pointing it out almost seemed useless though. They've already made up their minds.

…

I wait nervously in the hall outside the ICU while Katherine and Elliott visit with Ana. My mother has been meeting with Ana's doctor for a long time now, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I'm pacing. I don't pace. I'm calm. I'm collected. I'm not the nervous wreck I've become over the past few days.

I sigh, pulling out my phone. CJ should be napping about now. She always tends to pass out just after lunch. I decide to call anyways, pressing the speed dial for my home phone.

"Grey residence."

"Mia, how is CJ?" I ask, wondering why she's answering my phone instead of Mrs. Jones.

"She's fiiinnee." Mia says irritably. "You're so over protective. You've only been gone two hours."

"Is she asleep?" I ask, ignoring her comment.

"Gail just took her to lay down a moment ago. Do you want to speak with her?"

"Just go and see if she's asleep yet. I want to wish her sweet dreams." I say, feeling self conscious about admitting this to my little sister, but I can't help myself. I need to hear her voice right now.

A moment later, her sleepy voice comes on the line.

"Daddy?"

"Hello, Angel." I say softly, wondering why it feels so natural to call her something sweet, something other than her name. "Are you going to sleep now?"

"Yes, Daddy." She replies through a yawn.

"Okay. Sweet dreams, baby." I say in a near whisper.

"I love you, Daddy. Come home soon." She replies, and I can't prevent the grin that breaks across my face as I press end and tuck my phone away.

I try to compose my face back to an impassive expression, reminding myself that I'm in a hospital, outside of a critical care unit where people are dying daily, but CJ's words echo throughout my head.

She loves me, and I know she means it.

"Are you ready to go in?" My mother's voice startles me, and I turn to face her.

"I—yes." I say, committing to it before I can back out.

My mother leads the way, and I follow her in. Kate and Elliott are sitting next to Ana's bed, whispering softly to her.

We all stand back as my mother gives Ana a once over, but she agrees with what's been written in the charts.

"I'd like order a newer MRI." She says, writing something on Ana's chart as she speaks to the nurse.

"I'll set it up right away, Dr. Trevelyan." The nurse replies, taking the chart from Grace and walking away.

"We'll leave you alone." She says softly, glancing briefly to my eyes before ushering Kate and Elliott out of the room.

I sit down nervously into the chair next to Ana's bed and eye the machines surrounding her warily.

"I'm so angry at you Anastasia." I whisper, wondering if it will do any good. "What you did was unforgivable. I—I hate you." I hear my hushed voice cracking and feel myself becoming more and more wound up. "I hate you so much for doing this, for leaving me, for keeping my child from me. I could have tried. I could have kept her safe. Neither of you would be in this mess if you'd have just given me a chance to be her father." I continue, but my voice is becoming louder.

Taking a deep breath, I stare at her face. She seems so relaxed and serene, as if she's just sleeping, save for the machines keeping her alive.

"I guess I can see it the way you did. I'm unstable, demanding, I'm bossy and over protective. What is it you called me? A control freak? I am all of those things, but you ground me. You make me better. With you, me and you together, we could have been great parents. I don't know what I'm doing with CJ. She's… stubborn and feisty, and for the love of all humanity, she pushes my buttons. I swear it's on purpose. She's exactly like you. How could you keep her from me? Did you honestly think I wouldn't love her? How could I not?"

I take a deep breath, my chest aching as the words sit perched on the tip of my tongue.

"I love you, Ana." I whisper, wiping a tear from my cheek before anyone notices it falling.

Rising from the chair, I lean over, stroking a stray hair away from her face and leaning over her body. My lips gently graze her forehead, the only spot on her face that isn't marred by tape and tubes.

"Just come out of this. We can figure the rest out after." I whisper. "Laters, baby."

I walk out slowly, aching to turn around and shake her with every step I take.

"There's someone else I need to check in on." I say to my family, and Katherine, waiting outside the doors.

"Who?" My mother asks, "I'll come with you."

"The nanny, Jillian James. She was on the flight as well. Minor injuries, but I'd like to see how she's doing." I reply softly.

My mother nods, walking over to the nurses' station and using the computer.

"We're going to stick around and visit with Ana a while longer." Elliott says, and Kate gives him a small but grateful smile.

The tension between them is obvious, but Elliott is sticking by her. I'm jealous that I've never had this kind of relationship before. Frankly, I'm with Elliott. I'm furious with Katherine Kavanaugh, and I think she knows it because I can't help but glare at her every time she speaks.

When my mother returns with the room information, she and I depart, leaving my father, Elliott and Kate.

...

"Hello, Miss James." I say, entering the room, two floors below Ana, on Orthopedics. "You spoke recently with my head of security, Mr. Taylor. I'm Christian Grey."

I extend my hand to her, and she smiles.

"This is my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan." I continue, gesturing toward my mother.

"Hello Miss James." Grace says softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you. It sure was nice of you to arrange for private accommodations, Mr. Grey." She says softly. "I'm supposed to be discharged at some point this afternoon, but I haven't heard back yet." She continues, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.

"We'll look into it." My mother replies.

"Where will you be going?" I ask. "Is your family in town?"

"My parents are on their way from Georgia. The nurse said there's a motel down the street from the hospital, so I'll probably go wait for them there." She replies.

"Nonsense. I'll make arrangements for you at the Fairmont. It's a nicer hotel, and the only rats you'll encounter, work there. Perhaps I can bring CJ by to see you. I'm sure a familiar face will help her." I say, stepping out of the room to make the call.

…

"She should be with me. I know her. I know how Ana is raising her. I'm the closest thing to family she has here." Katherine says, and I glower at her.

"I'm her father. She has all the comforts of home here. She stays." I say adamantly.

"Christian, you aren't the best with little kids. Maybe she should come home with us. Mom can take care of her." Mia pipes in, and I turn my death stare on her.

"She is MY child! This is not up for discussion! Nobody is taking her from me!" I shout. I'm breathing heavily, glancing around the room at startled faces of my family, and Katherine. "She stays." I say more calmly before heading into the kitchen for a glass of wine.

"Christian is right. CJ seems very comfortable staying her. It would only do her more harm to move her around again." I hear my mother say softly. "And we're all only a phone call away if he feels he needs some support." She continues, her voice raised slightly, and I know she's speaking indirectly to me.

"That's settled then." My father says. "We should all head home now. Christian and CJ need their rest. Ana's parents will be arriving in a couple of hours."

I glance at the clock. 11:30pm. My father is right. My company jet, carrying Ana's parents, is due to arrive at 1:30am.

…

I glance at my phone, noting that it's almost 1:30 in the morning. Taylor should be ringing me any moment with news that Mr. and Mrs. Steele have landed safely, but it startles me when my phone goes off in my hand.

"Taylor." I said brusquely.

"Sir." He replies. "I've just retrieved the Steeles. They've requested to go directly to the hospital, so I'll drop them off and bring their belongings to the Fairmont."

"Good. Retrieve them when they're through at the hospital. Sawyer and Prescott are due to arrive at six. We'll be fine here until then." I say.

I've kept a cool head and had thorough background checks done on both security guards, but nevertheless, I find myself nervous to bring them into my daughter's life. They will be responsible for her well being during every waking hour. I'm not sure I'm ready to relinquish that position.

…

I walk slowly toward the ICU while Taylor parks the car.

"Mr. Steele." I say, extending my hand as I approach him just outside the door.

"You have some nerve showing up here, Grey." He says, his voice angry and his face creased with pain.

"I'm sorry?" I say, confused by his hostility.

This is the first I've spoken to him since Ana's graduation. Taylor handled the correspondence with the Steeles over the past few days. I had no warning for such an outburst.

"You son of a bitch." He says in a harsh hushed tone. "You have no right to show up here after all this time. You left her! You get the hell out of here."

"I assure you, whatever happened between Ana and I, it's not what you think." I say, trying to calm him.

"Ray." Carla says, stepping out of the room, probably because she heard us from inside. "Please, this isn't the time or the place." She says, resting her hand flat on his heaving chest, her voice apparently having a soothing effect on her husband. I'm still shocked to see them together.

"He has no right." Ray murmurs, glaring at me.

"He wouldn't be here if he didn't care." Carla assures him, sounding very diplomatic. "Ana can use all of the love and well wishes she can get right now."

"Is her friend still in there? I'd like to sit with her a while before we go and get our granddaughter." Ray says, his eyes boring into me.

My nightmare from the other night flashes into my mind. Is this it? Are they going to steal her from me? Do they have the right to do that? I'll have to speak with my father about my legal rights. I can't bear to think of them stealing my child from me. I won't lose her again.

"No, she left while you were getting some air. What a sweet lady. She brought the most lovely bouquet of lilies." Carla replies.

"Which friend?" I ask, knowing, by way of Kate, that Ana kept in touch with very few people from this area.

"I believe she said her name Elena?" Carla replies, seemingly wracking her brain.

I'm furious. I want to hit something, _someone_. Namely, Elena.

After a brief moment with Ana, which her mother granted me against her father's wishes, I head home. The flowers had no card; I assume she knew I'd see them and check for the card.

…

"Sir?"

I glance up from my computer to find Gail standing in the doorway.

"Mrs. Taylor, please come in." I say, standing and gesturing to the chair across from me. "What can I do for you?"

"I have something I'd like to discuss with you." She replies quietly, her eyes casting downward.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, and she looks downright contrite.

"I heard how upset you were with Mrs. Lincoln and Miss Kavanaugh about keeping the information of Ana's pregnancy from you." She says slowly.

I've never seen her so nervous or upset.

"Yes. I'm furious about that, but you haven't any need to concern yourself with that." I assure her, hoping to settle her nerves.

"I'd like to give this to you." She says, handing me a plain white envelope.

"What's this?" I ask, eyeing it warily.

"It's my letter of resignation, Sir." She says, her voice nearly a whisper, and I gasp in response. "I ran into Ana just before she moved away."

My eyes widen, and I wait for her to continue.

"I noticed that she, well, she had obviously begun showing somewhat." She says, taking a shaky breath. "I thought—I mean, she was with a young man. They seemed very friendly. I just assumed…"

I silently hand her a box of tissues as a tear rolls down her cheek.

"I thought it would only cause you more heartache to know about this." She says, wiping her eyes. "I just, Mr. Grey, I care deeply for you. I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I just want to apologize and offer you my deepest gratitude for all you've done for me."

I watch her stand from the chair, smoothing her skirt and composing herself as she walks out of my study.

She's leaving me.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I really wanted to get this out to you guys as soon as I could. I finished it late last night, but I haven't had a chance to read it through until just now. However, you're about to be left very angry! *hides*I'll try to get the next chapter done in a two day time frame.

Also, I had to edit the last chapter because I made a minor error with the hotel! I changed the Heathman to the Fairmont because some of you pointed out my mistake. Thank you again for letting me know!

- just to save some confusion: the large chunk of italics coming your way is the person both sharing and remembering, so it is in that person's POV. I'll add dividers so it's easier to tell the difference again.

**Chapter 7: **

I can't let her go.

She's… my family.

"Mrs. Taylor. Gail!" I shout, my voice sounding panicked to my ears. "Please, don't go!"

I feel like a small child, begging his parents not to go off to late night event because I fear they won't return.

"Please, stay." I say, hesitantly touching her arm.

"Mr. Grey, I feel terrible. I couldn't force you to keep me on staff here. I feel as though I've betrayed you." She says, her lower lip trembling.

"This whole mess—this wasn't your fault. You… you've been wonderful." I say, unsure how to express how I feel about her. "You can't leave. You're family." I say, my voice carrying more strength. "I forbid you from quitting." I say, keeping my eyes trained on hers.

The seconds tick by slowly as I try to maintain a stern expression, fearful that she's going to call my bluff any moment.

"Alright then. I'll go and fix you something to eat." She says, turning around and heading to the kitchen.

I wait until she's got her back to me before my smile escapes.

…

"Sir?" Taylor says, entering my study.

"Taylor." I nod, closing my laptop.

"Gail told me what happened. Thank you." He says, keeping his face as stoic as usual.

"Yes, well." I say, unsure how to continue this awkward conversation.

"Yes. My thoughts exactly." Taylor says, knowing my meaning without having to hear it.

"Good. Anything else?" I ask.

"The Steeles are on their way up to see CJ."

I stiffen. Are they intending to take her from me? I nod my dismissal, and take quick strides toward CJ's bedroom.

"Hi." I say, catching my breath and looking down at her where she sits playing with dolls.

"Hi." She says, pushing something behind her back.

"What's that?" I ask, narrowing my eyes as her face flushes.

"I dunno." She shrugs, staring wide eyed at me as I walk around her.

She shifts so that whatever it is moves under her.

"Stop moving." I command, picking her up and placing her on her feet beside me.

As I lift her, a pile of blonde hair tumbles to the floor along with one of my razors and a can of shaving cream.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shout. "What is all this?"

I'm furious. She shouldn't be playing with razors or defacing her toys. She's made a huge mess. She's lied about it. I don't know what to do or say or how to react to this.

"Wasn't me." She says quietly, only fueling my anger.

"Oh, it must have been Prescott then?" I ask sarcastically, glaring down at her, grey eyes to grey eyes.

"Maybe." She says, her face serious as she nods.

"Maybe not!" I shout, becoming even more angry. "Why did you do this?"

She doesn't answer. She just stands there, staring at me as her eyes fill with tears.

"Don't even pull out the waterworks, CJ! It's not going to work."

A knock on the bedroom door startles us both and we turn in unison to see who's there.

"GIGI!" CJ shouts, running away from me and into Carla Steele's arms. "PopPop!" She squeals again when he comes into her sights.

"Mr. and Mrs. Steele." I say cooly, ushering everyone out of the bedroom and closing the door behind me.

I'll think of what I need to do with her and her mess later. One dilemma at a time.

…

"Please, sit." I say, gesturing to the sofa as we enter the great room.

"Thank you." Carla says.

Raymond just grunts, scowling at me one minute and smiling joyfully at CJ the next.

"Are you finding your accommodations at the Fairmont to your liking?" I ask, trying to feel less unwelcome in my own home.

Ray grunts and receives a glare from Carla.

"Yes, everything is so wonderful, Christian, we really appreciate it. We've also been told that Ana's hospital bill has been paid in full already with a credit card on file for any further time spent and tests needed." She says, sounding almost hesitant.

"Like we can't take care of our own daughter." Ray grumbles.

"I meant no disrespect. Frankly, with everything you're dealing with, I thought it would be easier for you to not have to worry about the financial strain." I explain. "I'd also like to try to make up for the fact that I haven't been there, financially, for her and CJ."

"Oh, you think you can just throw money over all your problems and make it all better?" Ray says.

"Raymond, not in front of CJ." She says softly, squeezing CJ tight as she just sits curled up in Carla's lap.

"Take her out of here then, because I can't sit here with this scoundrel any longer without getting a few things off my chest!"Ray says, his voice nearly a shout that beckons all three of my security guards to the doorways of the room.

"How about we go and play in your bedroom, sweetpea?" Carla says, receiving a nod from CJ. I watch warily as they exit the room and are followed by Sawyer.

"All that money you sent her every month, throwing it at her like some high paid call girl while she sat around raising your child, you think that was enough? You think that once the pregnancy was over, you could just stop paying support? Not that she wanted your money, mind you. It made her feel used, and cheap." He says, keeping his voice low and angry. "She didn't spend a dime of it! She's been waiting for the day when she could just throw it all back in your lap and tell you that she did it all, all by herself."

"Mr. Steele, I assure you—"

"I don't need your assurance, Grey." He snaps. "I need my daughter and my granddaughter home and safe from the likes of you."

"If you would be so kind as to shut up," I say, glaring at him. "I've been holding my tongue. I've been polite where I should have been a monster. I have gone above and beyond what I should have, but I've had enough. I didn't want to say anything because I'd rather not speak ill of Ana while she lies there in her goddamn deathbed, but your daughter STOLE my child from me!" I shout, running a hand through my hair.

"You bite your tongue." Ray spits, standing up over me.

I stand, glaring into his angry eyes.

"She never told me! She kept this from me! I didn't send her any money, but I guarantee you if I'd known, she would have been taken care of!"

"She did tell you!" He shouts back at me. "You sent some assistant to her, telling her you didn't want any further contact from her, like she was some kind of crazy stalker trying to take you for all you've got!"

I feel my hands tighten into fists, and I glance down at Ray's; his look the same way. We stand there staring into one another's angry eyes, white-knuckled and furious, heaving for air.

"Keep denying it, Grey. You're just a wolf in sheep's clothing, taking advantage of young girls and leaving them when they become too much to handle." He says.

I open my mouth to speak, but stop when Taylor approaches, clearing his throat.

"What?" I ask as I hear the elevator doors ping.

We all glance toward the foyer, and I sigh heavily. This is exactly what I need right now.

"Danielle." I say, greeting her with a curt tone as I walk toward her.

"Young lady, you'd better scram before this bastard ruins your life, too." Ray says from behind me.

"Uh, are we still…" Danielle starts, her eyes shifting around the room.

"I meant to call you." I say softly. "Take the night off. We'll talk later."

She looks uncomfortable as I usher her toward the elevator again, pressing the button and waiting for her to board before I turn back around to face Ray.

"Perhaps you can tell me exactly what you know about this situation from Ana's perspective, and we can speak about it more calmly." I say, trying to keep my voice level and calm as I sit on the sofa.

Ray eyes me warily, a scowl marring his normally kind face, but he nods after a moment, sitting down as well.

Thirty minutes later, while I've been frozen in stunned silence, I've heard what Ana went through without me. I'm furious, so furious that I'm speechless. It all comes down to one person, _the person._

I swallow hard, feeling a slight tremble encompassing my entire body.

"You really had no idea, did you?" Ray asks, obviously taking in my demeanor.

I shake my head, unable to speak. I feel sick to my stomach and my head is pounding almost as rapidly as my heart.

"There was an incident. I hit her boyfriend, and that was the last I saw her. She sent me an email. She said she didn't want to see me. I thought—" I say, more to myself than anything as I begin putting the pieces of both halves of the story together.

"Sounds like someone's been playing some mind games." Ray observes calmly. "Perhaps you should speak to that assistant of yours."

"She—yes, I should." I say, catching myself before I correct him on my relationship with Elena.

"Are you boys all done chatting in here? We want some ice cream!" Carla says, coming into the great room with CJ up in her arms, clinging to her like a baby monkey.

"We're all through, dear. Why don't we all go out for ice cream?" Ray says, and I'm surprised that he's inviting me, though I'm wary about them leaving the apartment with CJ.

"And perhaps you can all stay for dinner?" I offer, guaranteeing they'll be returning to the apartment with me.

"That would be nice! Why don't I cook?" Carla offers.

"No"

"Nooooo"

Both Ray and CJ say simultaneously.

"That's not necessary, Carla. You're a guest." I say, trying to ease the sting of their so blunt rejection.

…

Ice cream was only somewhat uncomfortable, but CJ kept the conversation rolling by rambling on about our adventures over the past several days. It's interesting to see Carla and Ray doting on her and fawning over her every word. They truly adore her. I try to imagine how Ana interacts with her, but it makes me feel sick. I may never know.

"GiGi, did you go see mommy?" CJ asks casually as she licks her dripping ice cream cone.

"Yes, I did." Carla replies, and I can tell she's trying to keep the sadness from her voice.

"Is she still sleeping?"

"Yes, sweetpea, she is." Ray says, noticing the same thing that I did, Carla turning her face away from the table and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I want to see mommy." She says, looking from Ray's face to mine.

"I—I wasn't sure what was appropriate." I say nervously, wanting them to know I haven't deliberately been depriving CJ the right to see her mother for my own shits and giggles.

Ray nods slowly before looking down at CJ's pleading eyes.

"I think you should wait until mommy wakes up. That way she'll know you came by." He says softly, stroking her hair.

She seems to be okay with this response, but I'm sure this won't be the last we hear of this.

…

When we arrive back at Escala, we're surprised to find my family, and Katherine, lounging in the great room.

"This is a surprise." I say with a smile, glancing over at Gail.

"We came to see CJ!" Mia exclaims, rushing toward us.

CJ turns away, burying her face in Ray's neck. I realize it's going to take some time for these two to really warm up to one another.

"Perhaps some introductions and drinks then." I say, ushering Carla and Ray into the great room.

The dinner conversation is casual, but the feeling is tense. Kate and Elliott are sitting at opposite sides of the table. CJ is sitting between Ray and I. She's being abnormally quiet, for once. I'd be more concerned, but she's eating so well, I don't want to disturb her.

"Shit."

All eyes dart to my daughter as the expletive radiates off of her lips to the ears of all surrounding her. Her pink plastic plate and fork set are sitting in her lap.

I hurry to grab my napkin, moving the plate slowly as Ray does the same. I stop, wondering if I should let him do it. He knows what he's doing, but he nods at me, gesturing for me to go ahead and placing his napkin next to my arm. He trusts me to handle this.

"You may need more than one for that." He says with a smirk as I remove as much of the saucy pasta from CJ's lap.

"You shouldn't say that word." I whisper, hoping to save her any further embarrassment by publicly scolding her.

"Sorry." She says, her entire face becoming a lovely shade of rose.

"Don't let it happen again." I say, my voice remaining quiet with only a slightly stern edge.

"Come, CJ." Gail says, showing up with a towel. "I'll help her to the shower." She says to me, wrapping CJ in the towel to contain the mess and helping her down from her chair.

"I can do that, Gail." I say, rising from my seat and picking a swaddled CJ up from the floor. "Excuse me, everyone. Please, continue with dinner."

I'm anxious. Do I know how to do this? I need to trust myself. I'm Christian Grey. I take over companies and negotiate mergers and acquisitions. Surely, I can manage bathing one child.

…

The night is wearing on, and it's becoming rather late. I've been in agony all evening, wondering when Carla and Ray are leaving and if they plan to take CJ with them.

"We should head out." My mother says, nudging Mia on the sofa and startling her awake from her nearly asleep state.

"Yes, we should head out as well. I'd like to go see Ana first thing in the morning." Carla says with a nod.

"Will we see you there tomorrow, Christian?" Ray asks, and my stomach flutters.

"I'd like very much to stop by." I say with a nod.

"Good, you bring the donuts." He says in a gruff tone.

"We'd like to kiss CJ goodnight before we leave, if that's alright." Carla says slowly.

I eye her warily as the slow realization hits me.

"Absolutely, I'll show you to her room." I say, knowing she's fast asleep, but thanking my lucky stars that I didn't have to barricade her in her bedroom to avoid them taking her with them.

As I stand by the elevator with Carla and Ray, waiting for it arrive, Carla places her hand on my forearm.

"Ana used to cut the hair off of all her dolls as well." She says softly. "They all do it. CJ really loves to play beauty parlor with her toys. You should see the lipstick stains on her stuffed animals." She continues with a laugh, and I somehow feel better about what happened earlier.

…

When all of my guests have left, I retreat to my study and pick up the phone.

"Danielle." I say when she answers.

"Mr. Grey, hello. Should I come over, sir?" She asks softly.

"Yes, I'd like to see you immediately."

"I'll be right over." She says before I hang up.

I've got about twenty-five minutes to handle the two other calls I need to make.

I dial again.

"Do you have the data I requested?"

"Yes, sir. I was going to bring it all by tomorrow for you." Welch replies.

"No, I want it emailed to me right now. Barney was helpful?"

"Yes, sir. I'll send it right away."

I open my email and watch for Welch's message to come through, hanging up and looking at the clock. I've still got twenty minutes, but this call may take longer.

I decide on a text message instead.

***I WANT TO TALK. COME OVER IN THE MORNING***

That's all I write, partially because that all I can say without going positively ape shit, and partially because I'd like to see Elena's face when I tell her I know everything she's done.

I read through all of the proof of her betrayal and interference while I wait for her reply.

***SURE. I'M GLAD WE CAN FINALLY TALK ABOUT THIS***

I laugh out loud at her audacity. Does she honestly think this is a peace conference?

***BEFORE 8AM***

I reply, feeling satisfied with the arrangements.

I'm completely lost in the financial records and correspondence records and even a few surveillance videos from surrounding venues that caught images of Elena's betrayal.

"Sir?" Taylor says, knocking on the door frame.

"Taylor." I acknowledge without looking up from my computer screen.

"Miss Alexander is on her way up."

I nod, closing my laptop and pulling a folder out of my drawer.

"Send her in when she arrives."

A few moments later, I'm rising from my seat and gesturing for Danielle to sit down opposite me.

"Thank you for coming." I say, my voice devoid of any emotion.

"Of course, Sir." She replies, her eyes slightly downcast.

"This isn't a scene, Danielle." I say, forcing her to look into my eyes. "I have here, our contract, signed for a three month period."

I open the folder and hand her a photocopy to look at.

"I'd like to end our agreement earlier than the specified date." I continue, and her brow creases with confusion.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks, looking contrite.

"No." I say simply, handing her another small stack of papers.

"Can I ask why then?" She sounds hurt.

"I have other priorities." I explain. "If you'll look at this," I say, pointing to the new papers, "this is another contract, in which I agree to offer you financial support for one year while you do whatever it is you need to do to alter your life to one without me. There's also a clause that states if you find a new dom before that time, I will be released of any and all responsibilities to you. There is also a medical insurance form to cover you for that year and the deed and insurance information to your vehicle, which is yours to keep until you wish to part with it."

"So, this is it?" She asks, glancing from the paperwork to me and back again.

"Yes. I'm ending our contract. You're free to go back to whatever lifestyle you prefer."

She nods, glancing down at the contracts in front of her.

"I've included a copy of the NDA you signed when we first begun our relationship, but please feel free to look over everything else and sign by the end of the week."

She nods again, standing and extending her hand to me. I accept it, giving it a firm squeeze.

"It's been a pleasure." She says with more confidence than I've ever heard from her.

"Yes." I agree, though I'm not sure how much pleasure she got from a relationship that rarely included sex.

"Good luck." She says, smiling softly before gathering her new stack of paperwork and leaving my office.

Taylor meets her in the doorway and escorts her to the elevator while I sigh a breath of relief.

I feel both a sense of loss and heavy weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I have too much responsibility to handle now. I don't have time for anything outside of raising and protecting my daughter.

…

Sitting in my study with Elena sitting across from me, I listen carefully as she recounts her version of the story. I smirk when she says she was doing us all a favour, and I laugh out loud when she denies intercepting any correspondence between Ana and I.

"She contacted me, Christian. She asked ME to be the middle man." She insists.

"She hates you. She thinks of you as a pedophile, who caused me more harm than good." I say in a casual tone as I turn the laptop for her to see.

A store across the street from Ana's apartment recorded the day Elena sat in the car and watched Ana for me. It also showed Ethan leaving alone when Elena told me Ana had left with him. The same store had surveillance video on another occasion of Elena approaching Ana in the doorway of her apartment and then entering with her.

"That doesn't prove anything, Christian." She says, her voice skeptical, but I notice a slight waver.

"Elena, why did you do this?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her. "I know you did it. I've seen your bank records. For nine months you had $100,000 electronically transferred into Ana's account. Why did you stop after that?"

She sighs, obviously accepting her fate, and begins speaking.

* * *

_I'm sitting alone in my office, contemplating the dilemma at my feet. This girl, this submissive that Christian thinks he's in love with, she's going to ruin everything. We're supposed to be together. Him and I. Me and Him. He's mine._

_Mine._

_I know, from what Christian has told me of her, Anastasia has a fragile and self-conscious side. I can appeal to that. I pull up an online florist delivery service on my computer and place an order. Something I know Christian has done before. In the space provided, I type the note. I want it to be clear what 'Christian' feels and needs from her. _

_Opening my wallet, I pull out the disposable credit card I purchased at the drug store earlier today and use it to pay for the delivery. _

…

_Sitting in Anastasia's… quaint condo, I carefully look around, desperately seeking a way to get her out of the room._

_I'd like to say I feel terrible about spilling hot coffee on her, but I don't, and it really wasn't all that hot. This is the moment I need. She should be gone a few moments, soaking her white slacks in the bathroom._

_I reach for her purse, and snatch her phone out of it, quickly firing off an email to Christian and then blocking his address. If there's anything I've learned from my precious, it's to always cover my tracks. I delete the message from her sent mail folder and close the application completely. I'm almost done when I hear the water in the bathroom shut off. _

_Tucking her phone back into her tacky purse, I replace it exactly how I found it and take my seat again, smoothing my skirt and plastering a smile on my face as she comes out in the most hideous sweat pants I've ever seen in my life. _

_My god, is she twelve? Hasn't she anything more presentable to lounge in?_

…

"_There's only one person I know in Georgia." Christian insists. _

"_If it was Ana, and I'm not saying I think it was because, frankly, you sound insane right now, why on Earth would she call and hang up?" I ask, hoping to hide my nervousness as I sit on the edge of his desk, nearly in front of him, and cross one leg over the other._

"_I don't know. That's why I'm going to call her back." He insists._

_I need a way to stop him. I need him to focus on something else. I slap him across the face and glare into his eyes. _

_At first he looks shocked, but then a smirk plays at his lips. The kinky fucker liked it. I glance down at his lap, and my suspicions are confirmed. When I meet his eyes again, I raise an eyebrow at him. _

"_She left you." I say in a stern voice. "Leave her be. Wherever she is, leave her alone. You can't stalk your ex-subs." I continue, placing my hand on his reddening cheek._

"_She was more than—"_

_I cut him off with another slap. _

"_Only to you. She didn't see it that way." I say, this time keeping my voice low and commanding. "Leave. Her. Alone."_

_He looks pissed off, and I wonder if he's going to listen. _

"_Christian, look at me." I command, forcing him to meet my eyes. "She left because she couldn't handle being with you. I can tell, from what you've told me, she did care for you, maybe even loved you. It probably took all of her strength to admit that she couldn't handle it. Do you really want to force all of your fucked-upness on her again? Do her a favour and don't try to track her down." _

_He seems to accept this. I hate that I have to appeal to his soft side. Where's my rough and tumble boy gone? _

…

"_Mrs. Lincoln." She answers the phone, her voice is cold. _

_I wish I gave a damn, but I really don't. She's trash, and she doesn't deserve Christian. _

"_Ana!" I beam, trying to sound friendly. "How are you doing, darling? Have you had the baby yet? I haven't heard from you in quite some time."_

"_I had the baby last week. Why do you care?" She sounds snippy._

"_Oh, that's wonderful news. Congratulations." I say, rolling my eyes._

_One more piece of white trash to dilute the dying breed of upper class citizens. _

"_Thank you." She says, though she sounds more bored than thankful. _

"_You're so welcome!" I gush as I file my nails. "I've actually got such wonderful timing. Mr. Grey has been wondering if the child was born yet."_

"_He has?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly, but she sounds excited._

"_Yes, he'd like a paternity test before sending any future payments." I explain casually, glancing at my bank statements._

_Frankly, I'm sick and tired of playing this charade with this idiot girl. I know a few doms who would simply eat her alive, not swoon over her clumsy, uncoordinated disarray like Christian did._

"_You can tell that ASSHOLE that I don't need his money, nor do I need a paternity test! THIS IS HIS CHILD! If he wants the DNA test, tell him to get on a plane and come and ask me for it himself!" She shouts, and I smirk._

_This is exactly what I wanted to happen. _

"_I'll let him know." I say, trying to hide the humour and joy from my voice. _

* * *

I glare at her for a long moment, unable to speak.

"You did all of this because you wanted me back?" I ask finally, staring into her eyes.

I realize in that moment, I've never seen eyes so full of evil and devoid of anything good. Perhaps the only exception is when I look at myself, my dark soul shining through, but I've never been so manipulative, so vindictive, playing with people's lives as if they're nothing, toying with their emotions, intentionally ruining lives for sport.

"Christian, we were meant to be together." She says, reaching out to touch my hand.

I pull it back. I'm revolted and furious, and I want to hurt her, physically bring harm upon her. I want to tie her up in the playroom and beat the living shit out of her.

"Get the fuck out of my home." I say, rising from my chair.

"Christian, please…" She says, as tears well in her eyes.

I wish I felt something. I wish I felt sad or upset that she'd no longer be in my life. I wish I felt guilty for causing these tears on her cheeks, but I don't. I hate her, and if she doesn't leave now, I'll kill her with my bare hands.

"Taylor!" I shout, hauling Elena out of my study by her upper arm.

"Sir?" He asks, standing in front of us.

"Escort Mrs. Lincoln out. I want you to see her to her car and then make the appropriate arrangements for a new key code in the elevator."

"Yes sir." He says, ushering Elena out.

I watch Taylor and Elena board the elevator before walking across the great room to the breakfast bar.

"You made her cry." CJ says quietly as I sit down in the chair next to her.

"She deserves to be upset." I reply, watching her stuff a fist full of pancake into her mouth. "Let me help." I say, picking up her discarded fork and spearing some fresh berries.

She opens her now empty mouth wide.

"Here comes the GEH Jet!" I say making airplane noises and flying the fork toward her mouth.

Her eyes widen and she slams her mouth shut, staring at me with a trembling lower lip.

"CJ…" I say, dropping the forking as I realize what I've just done. "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to upset you."

I stare into her shocked, pained eyes, and I feel my heart tear in half.

"I'm full." She whispers, and I glance over at Mrs. Taylor for help.

"You've barely touched it, CJ. Please eat a little more." Gail says in a soothing voice.

"I don't like airplanes." CJ mutters, picking up a blueberry with her fingers and popping it into her mouth.

"I know. I'm sorry." I say softly.

I feel terrible as she angrily swipes a tear off of her cheek with her goopy hand. I'm desperate for her to stop crying. I'll do anything. I can't bear it.

I throw my arm in front of her face, and she turns and looks up at me with confusion.

"Your napkin, Miss Grey." I say with a flourish.

She smirks, leaning forward and wiping her syrup covered mouth on the sleeve of my Armani dress shirt. I don't even care. She could use the shirt to wrap dead fish if it would make her smile. I'd do anything to see her smile.

"I have to go out in a short while. You'll stay here with Gail." I tell her, watching as she stuffs more of the pancake into her mouth with her good hand.

"Do you have parks in Saddle?" She asks, her left cheek puffing out like a hamster storing its food.

"Yes, we have parks." I say cautiously.

"I want to go to the park." She says matter-of-factly.

"I'm not sure I like that idea." I say, shaking my head as a million scenarios run through it.

"Please, Daddy? PLEEASSEEEE?" She says, her grey eyes wide and boring into the very depths of my being.

"I'll make you a deal." I start slowly. "I will do some research on the local playgrounds and find a suitable one in the area by tomorrow, then and only then, myself and a team of four or five security guards will take you to the approved park." I say, internally rolling my eyes at myself for negotiating with a four year old.

Logically, I know I can just tell her the answer is 'no' and she can just deal with that however she likes, but I don't want to. I want her to be happy all the time. I want her to smile, and I want to know that I was the one who made her smile.

"You sound crazy." She says, and I notice Gail stifle a laugh as she turns her back to us.

"I'm aware, but when it comes to keeping you safe, I will be madder than a hatter." I say, winking at her as I rise from my seat. "I've got to change my shirt. I'll have what she's having when I come back out, Gail." I say as I walk toward my bedroom.

…

"How is she today?" I ask my mother as Carla, Ray and I stand next to Ana's bed.

"I wish I could say better, darling, but the last MRI shows a slight increase in the cranial swelling. If it increases any further, we'll need perform a surgery to allow space for the brain to swell freely without pressing too firmly against her skull." She explains.

"What does that mean?" Ray speaks up, asking the question we're all afraid to ask.

"The surgery involves removing a piece of Ana's skull. It's only temporary. The piece will be replaced as soon as the swelling in her brain reduces enough that it would be safe to do so." My mother explains.

I feel sick. This can't be real. They can't be considering cutting a piece of her head off to make room for her brain!

I watch as Ray wraps an arm around Carla, hugging her close to his body.

"You do what you need to do, Grace. You just do your damned best to save our girl." He says, and I notice a crack in his voice.

We're all startled as the machines around Ana begin beeping and her body convulses.

"I NEED A CODE TEAM!" My mother shouts. "You need to leave!" She says sternly to the three of us as she moves toward Ana.

We're all frozen in place as my mother and this 'Code Team' begin an intense and mesmerizing dance in front of us, frantically shouting orders and readings from the various machines.

I hear words like 'tachycardia' and 'v-fib', and I know somewhere inside of me that my brain knows these words; I just can't seem to comprehend what's happening before me.

"I've lost her heartbeat!"

I turn my head, trying to find the person who shouted that.

"Paddles!" My mother yells. "Charge to 200!" She orders.

My eyes are blurring the images before me, but I know her voice. I'd know her pained voice anywhere. I've heard that pained voice many times growing up, mostly when I'd done something that got me into a whole world of trouble that my parents weren't prepared for.

"Charging!" Someone shouts.

"CLEAR!" There's Grace again.

Why can't I see! I rub my eyes and my hands become coated in moisture. For a brief moment, my vision is clear, and I see Ana's body convulse as the current passes through her.

"CHARGE AGAIN!"

"CHARGING!"

"CLEAR!"

"Anything?"

"CHARGE TO 400!"

"CHARGING!"

"CLEAR!"

A long beeping sound echoes throughout my ears, sinking into my brain and branding it like a hot iron, and I feel the hard, linoleum floor smack harshly against my knees.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: The last chapter was met with some VERY passionate feedback and private messages! I love that you guys are so connected to the story that I was able to evoke such emotion! I read every single message and review, and I try to respond to some of them. A million thanks are going your way, guys!

This next bit is a doozy, so this is your Kleenex advisory!

- this chapter is a little shorter, but you'll thank me later for leaving it where I left it.

Also, a lot of you have made such wonderful comments about how I've written CJ. Some of you even suggested that I must have children. I'm so glad that I've been able to convince you with this character, but, alas, I don't have any children! I've actually just graduated high school, and I'm starting a three year advanced biotechnology program at college next month, so absolutely no time in my life for real children! I'll take CJ any day though! 3

xo

**Chapter 8:**

My chest is tight. I feel like I'm unable to breath. Everything is aching. I glance over at the forlorn faces surrounding me. Everyone is here now, Kate and Elliott, Mia, my parents, Ana's parents. We're all sitting here, around a cramped, somewhat sticky, cafeteria table in the hospital.

Nobody's speaking. I'm afraid to speak, and I wonder briefly if they're all feeling the same way.

"She wants to see her mother." I say, finally breaking the silence and looking to the four people who know more about the difference between parenting and traumatizing a child.

"How do you feel about that, Christian?" My mother asks, and I wonder why they care about my opinion.

I'm not a father, well, technically I am, but I'm not a good one, not like Carrick and Ray.

"I—I think it's important for her to feel..." I say, trying to find words that Flynn has told me.

I think for a long moment about my birth mother, about how I was pulled from her lifeless form, never to see her again and about CJ is going through something similar. I feel my lip begin to tremble. I don't want this moment. I want it to go away. I want to demand these people leave me and my child alone and let us pretend this isn't happening.

"I think it's important for her to have a chance—to have the opportunity to say good—" I choke, unable to get the words out, and stand.

I need to get away from their prying eyes. Everyone is staring at me, watching my emotions unfold.

…

When I arrive home hours later, Gail informs me that CJ is in her room. I nod, declining anything to eat when she offers, and head toward my daughter.

She's sitting on the floor, playing with the dollhouse in the corner of the room.

"Come." I command, sitting on the edge of her bed.

She glances up, all smiles and shining grey eyes, and I realize I'm about to ruin her entire life with what I'm about to tell her. I manage to give her a small smile, though it pains me to even move my face in that way right now.

"Are we going to the park now?" she asks, sitting next to me on the bed.

"No, I haven't had a chance to research the parks yet." I tell her, stroking a rogue curl away from her eyes. "I have something I need to talk to you about."

"What's wrong?" She asks, frowning up at me.

"It's about your mother…" I start, gauging her reaction.

"Is mommy still sleeping?" Her pure innocence makes my heart ache.

I can't do this to her.

"Yes. She's still sleeping." I start, trying to piece together the appropriate words. "She's—she's going to be sleeping for a long time, CJ."

"She must be pretty tired." She observes as her face creases in thought.

"Yes, I think so." I agree.

I imagine she's exhausted, really.

I spoke to Flynn, and he informed me that children can't actually grasp the idea of death and dying until around the age of eight or nine, so I'm unsure how to explain the logic of it to CJ. She needs visual, tangible explanations.

"I want to take you someplace, but I need to know that you trust me." I tell her, forcing her to look into my eyes.

"Where?" She asks curiously.

"Do you trust me when I promise you that I would never let anything hurt you?" I ask, lifting her into my lap.

"Of course." She says immediately.

She's so quick to agree with me, to trust my every promise, just like Ana.

"Look at me." I command, and she does. "It's going to be scary, and you might be sad or frightened, and you might cry, but I want you to know that I'm there. I want you to understand, REALLY understand, that I would NEVER let anything happen to you. Do you understand?"

She stares at me for a long moment before she nods slowly.

"Good." I say, kissing the top of her head. "Let's go then."

Standing up, I place her on her feet and grasp her hand.

"Where are we going?" She asks again as we board the elevator.

"Heaven." I say softly, hugging her to my side as I press the up button.

…

"What's that?" She asks, pointing in front of us.

I smile and lift her up into my arms.

"That's Charlie Tango." I say with a smile. "My helicopter."

"Heplicompter?"

"Heli-cop-ter."

"Helpacopper?"

"Chopper." I say, finally succumbing to Elliott's favourite word and my personal vice.

I look at her face again, she's frowning, and I realize she's becoming nervous.

"Remember my promise?" I ask, and she nods. "I won't let you fall."

She looks troubled, but she nods slowly anyways. I can feel her trembling in my arms as we walk toward Charlie Tango.

"I don't wanna fly." She says, gripping onto me as in a white-knuckled clench.

"It's not turned on. I won't turn it on or fly unless you say so." I tell her, opening my door and climbing in with her still in my arms.

I sit in the pilot's seat and position her on my lap, pointing to various things around the cockpit to both inform and relax her.

"Who sits there?" She asks, pointing to the passenger seat.

"Well, that's your seat, if you'd like to sit in it." I say casually.

She looks thoughtful for a moment before she nods, and I help her into the seat, fastening the harness buckles and adjusting them to fit snugly around her.

"That's tight." She says, futilely tugging on the chest pieces.

"I know." I say with a wink, smiling at her. "They're to keep you safe. I have some too."

"How do you make those things go around and around?" She asks, pointing to the part of the propeller she can see through the window.

"I have to turn it on to make those go around. Are you okay with that?" I ask, trying to look excited.

"Is it gonna fly?" She asks, and I shake my head reassuringly.

"It doesn't fly unless I make it fly."

She seems appeased by this answer and gives me a wary smile, so I put our headsets on and power up the engines. She watches with held breath as the propellers begin to rotate.

We sit this way for a long moment before she turns her attention from the spinning blades back to me.

"You know how to make it fly?" She asks softly.

"Yes. I can fly it."

"What if we fall?" She asks, her eyes becoming moist.

"I won't let that happen." I assure her. "I promise you, I won't let you fall."

She bites her lip nervously before giving me a slight nod.

"I want to see heaven." She whispers, and I nod back, conversing with Air Traffic Control before we begin out ascent.

I risk a glance at her as we clear the top of Escala. Her eyes are clamped closed and her hands are gripping the harness for dear life.

"It's going to be alright, CJ." I whisper as we move further up.

As we rise further up above the Seattle skyline, I see her open first one eye, than the other.

"Wow." She whispers, gazing out the window.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I ask, as we move over the city and through the clouds.

She nods, looking mesmerized by everything she sees.

I fly us further, moving toward the coast until the only thing in front of us in the distant horizon where the sky meets the ocean.

"It's so nice." She says, her voice wistful.

"It's heaven." I say simply. "No beginning, no end. You could chase that line forever, and you'd never catch it. It's just wide open and free."

"Is that what heaven is like?" She asks curiously.

"Yes, I think so." I say, nodding. "Nothing can hurt you up here. There's no time, or schedules, or stress. You're just here, not part of the land or the water, not part of the sky. You're just… hovering in peace." I explain, hoping it sounds logical to her.

"Heaven sounds like a good place to be. Can we live there?" She asks, and I shake my head softly.

"Not yet. We aren't ready to go there yet." I say as we turn back around and head toward Escala again.

"We should bring mommy here when she wakes up." She says, staring out the window.

I don't respond. I'm not sure how to explain that I wanted to show her how wonderful heaven could be because her mother…

I shake my head, trying not think about that right now. The rest of the flight is spend in silence as the helipad grows nearer.

…

Heading back down in the elevator, I hold her hand.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I ask, watching for any hint of dismay in her features.

"No. That was nice." She says, nodding slowly.

"Good. I'm glad you liked it."

"Where are we going now?" She asks as I press the lobby button.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital. I want to tell you something." I say slowly.

"Okay." She replies hesitantly.

…

"Are you ready?" I ask her, crouching down to the left of the door so that we're eye to eye.

She nods and bites her lip.

"Is she going to be sleeping?" She asks quietly, and I nod.

"Yes. She's going to be sleeping, and she's going to have a tube in her mouth. That's helping her to breathe while she sleeps. There are other machines around her too. They make funny noises, but they are all there to help mommy." I tell her, reiterating what we discussed in the back of the car on the way here.

"Okay." She whispers, clutching my hand as I stand and guide her into the room.

…

The car ride home is spent in silence aside from CJ's soft crying as she sits with her face buried in the side of my arm.

She doesn't understand, and I'm not sure how to help her, though I'm also not sure any amount of explaining or understand could help her accept that her mother may never wake up. She doesn't get the permanence of the situation, so she continuously asks the same question over and over, expecting it to become more clear for her, but it just doesn't.

"What can I do, baby? How can I make you smile?" I ask, feeling like my heart is in an ever-tightening vice with every sob she emits.

"I wanna go to the park." She mumbles against my arm.

How can I deny her this?

"Okay." I say softly, meeting Taylor's eyes in the rearview mirror. "All hands on deck." I tell him, receiving a nod before he presses a button on his earpiece and begins handing out orders to the rest of our security detail.

…

"What, uh, what do you want to do?" I ask her as we stand at the edge of the playground.

She points, without speaking, to the swings on the far side, in Sawyer's sector. I nod, clasping her hand and leading her toward the leather-seated-death-traps-suspended-by-chains.

"You're sure?" I ask, eyeing them warily, and she nods, approaching the lowest hanging swing and climbing on.

"I need a push." She says softly after we stare at one another for a long moment.

I nod, standing behind her and gently pressing on her back so that the swing sways forward slightly.

"Higher." She says, and I raise a brow at the back of her demanding little head.

Nevertheless, I push her a fractionally harder, making the swing sway even further out before coming back toward me.

"Higher, Daddy!" She says, her knuckles white and her pink cast contrasting against the silver chains.

I push her again, with more force this time, allowing the swing to soar even further away.

"I'm flying!" She shouts as she alternates between bending and straightening her knees, forcing the swing to continue moving back and forth.

"Not so high!" I shout back.

"I'm going to heaven!" She shouts back, pumping her little legs even harder. "Race you!" She shouts again, looking over her shoulder at me and then nodding at the swing next to her.

I eye it warily, glancing between her smile, the swing, and the security detail surrounding the empty park. I nod at Sawyer, and he moves in closer, preparing to catch CJ should she, for some reason, fall off of the swing.

I sit next to her, holding the chains and using my feet to push against the ground and make the swing sway backwards, then forward again.

"Go higher, Daddy! Let's FLY!" She shouts, pumping her legs even harder.

I smile at her, and pump my legs, forcing the swing to gain momentum and sway faster, higher. I rapidly catch up to her with my substantial advantage of strength and coordination, and we stare into each other's eyes, grey to grey, as we swing, nearly in sync.

…

"That was fun." She says as we climb into the back of the Audi SUV.

"Yes. I enjoyed that." I agree, nodding thoughtfully.

I never thought I'd enjoy being on a swing. It was liberating and freeing and relaxing.

…

When we arrive home, Gail meets us at the elevator looking quite nervous.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, glancing to Taylor for information, but he looks just as confused.

"Your ex-wife called." She says slowly, looking at Taylor. "Sophie was hurt at school and she couldn't get there to pick her up. She asked if you were available." Gail explains, glancing nervously toward me.

"Oh, why didn't you call? Is Sophie okay?" Taylor asks.

"She tripped while playing hopscotch and skinned her knee pretty badly, but she was just beside herself, so the school thought it best that she go home for the afternoon."

"We can arrange for someone to pick up Sophie." I interject, pulling out my Blackberry.

"Well, that's the thing." Gail starts.

"Gail! I'm finished! Can I have a popsicle now?"

"I picked her up already. She's, apparently, just finished her homework."

Both Gail and Taylor look nervously to me, obviously gauging my reaction.

"Would you like to meet Taylor's daughter, Sophie?" I ask, looking down at CJ.

"She's ten; that's a little older than you, but she likes dolls just as much." Gail says with a wink at CJ.

CJ nods, running into the great room and leaving us in the foyer.

"I would have called, but we just arrived here. I had to go to the market get dinner started. I apologize for not—"

I cut her off.

"This is your home, Gail. You and Taylor are welcome to bring Sophie here any time. I'm sure CJ would enjoy someone less old and stuffy to play with for a change." I say with a smirk before we all walk into the great room.

"What happened to your arm?" Sophie asks, pointing at the bright pink cast still covering CJ's arm.

"It broke." CJ says simply. "What happened to your leg?"

"I fell." Sophie replies.

She turns toward us as we enter, catching sight of Taylor and runs toward him.

"Daddy!" She shouts, jumping into his arms.

I find it so odd to see Taylor pick her up and murmur into her hair as he squeezes her. He doesn't see her often, and I've only met the girl once, so I'm not familiar with how he interacts with his daughter. I'm intrigued to see this other side of him.

"You miss her." I observe as the girls run along, and I'm left with just Gail and Taylor.

"Yes, sir." He replies, all business again.

"It must be hard, not to see her every day." I say, realizing how lost I'd be without CJ in my life.

"It is." He replies with a firm nod.

"Perhaps she can come by more often, play with CJ. I know when my sister was young, she often had gaggles of girls sleeping over and doing god awful things to each other's hair."

"I'm sure she'd enjoy that. Thank you, sir." He says before retreating to his office.

"It means the world to him, you know." Gail says softly as she prepares dinner.

I don't respond. I'm not really sure what to say, other than that I now understand completely.

"I'll be in my study." I say, finally departing from the room.

…

"_Ana, please, wake up baby." I say, shaking her limp body. "Please, come back to me!" I shout, but she doesn't move. _

_She's lying still, her eyes closed, though she doesn't have the array of machines attached to her anymore. She looks peaceful, as if she's sleeping. _

_I shake her again, more violently._

"_Wake up!" I shout. "God damnit! WAKE UP!" I scream, touching her face._

_I flinch, pulling my hand away from her skin. It's ice cold._

_She's dead. Ana's dead._

_From somewhere behind me, dirt begins to fall onto her body. I brush it away from her face, frantically shouting at whoever is throwing it to stop, but they don't. The dirt just continues to fall, covering more and more of her as I try to pull her up. _

"ANA!"

I wake myself up, screaming her name as I sit up straight.

"Daddy?"

I turn, CJ is in my bed next to me. When did she come in here?

"Sorry." I mutter, rubbing my eyes and blinking into the darkness.

"You had a bad dream?" She asks.

"Yes." I reply simply.

"About mommy?"

"Yes."

"Do you need a hug?" She asks, reaching for my hand.

"I think I do." I say, pulling her close to me and wrapping my arms around her.

I can feel her warmth and her breath on my skin as she buries her face in my neck. She's so alive, so vibrant, so here. I squeeze her tighter, and she returns my squeeze with one of her own, her cast pressing into the side of my neck.

"Thanks." I say as we finally pull apart.

"Anytime." She says, and it makes me smile.

"Did you have a bad dream?" I ask, realizing again that she's in my room instead of her own.

"No. I just like the big bed." She says, snuggling down into the pillows and pulling the duvet up to her neck.

"Okay." I whisper, laying back.

I'm not going to argue with her. My bed is quite comfortable, and I find it comforting when she's nearby.

…

It's been three days since I told CJ about the possibility of Ana never waking up and our flight in Charlie Tango. She still continues to ask me when her mother will wake up. Apparently, Flynn was right about her not being able to comprehend this.

Not that I expected it to change, but Ana's condition remains the same, no better, no worse than the day we nearly lost her.

I walk into the ICU room and glance at her empty bed.

"Where is she?" I ask, turning toward the nurse at the desk nearby. "Where is Anastasia Steele?"

I'm terrified. Why would her bed be empty? There's only one logical explanation, and I'm too afraid to even think it, let alone ask it.

"She's gone down to radiology. Dr. Trevelyan just took her herself. That's some VIP treatment." The nurse says with a wink.

She must be new.

"She's family." I say simply, not indicating which 'she' I'm referring to, but the nurse seems to get it and nods with understanding.

I move to the chair next to Ana's bed, prepared to wait for her to return.

"Christian, darling." My mother's whispered voice in my ear wakes me.

I open my eyes and stretch. I glance over at the bed to see Ana back in it, safe and sound… or as such as she was when I last saw her anyways.

"How was the scan?" I ask, sitting up and watching my mother jot something in Ana's chart.

"It's good news." She says, smiling brightly at me. "There's a reduction in the swelling."

"She could wake up from this?" I ask, astonished by this sudden change of direction.

Just days ago, the entire team of medical professionals, including my mother, told me that the swelling may be permanent. They'd advised me to prepare my daughter for her mother's impending death.

"I can't say for sure, but this is a step in that direction." She replies.

"You hear that, baby?" I whisper, leaning toward Ana. "You're coming back to us."

…

A/N: I thought I'd leave you with a happier note this time. We're basically at what I hope is about the halfway point for the story. It's much longer than I anticipated, but there were/still are several things I want/need to cover in order for it to end the way I want it to. Since I'm leaving you on such a nice note, you're going to have about a two day wait for the next chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

****A/N: Just thought I'd add this note in case you guys are wondering about the next chapter. It's going to be a couple of days between each chapter because I don't have my cushion anymore. I promise to keep a 2 - 3 day limit on your wait time, but I have a system for writing, and I like to follow it!

xo!

**Chapter 9:**

"Whatchya doin?" CJ asks, coming into my study.

"Working." I say simply, looking over some numbers.

"Working on what?" She asks, coming to stand next to me.

I glance down at her, and grin. I can't help but smile when she's around.

"I'm liquidating some assets." I say, lifting her onto my lap.

She gasps, coving her mouth with her good hand.

"I said assets, not asses." I tell her, rolling my eyes at the sweary police.

"You just said it now!" She says, her eyes wide with shock.

"Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!" I say loudly, glaring at her in mock frustration.

"Oh mon dieu!" She says, and I stare at her for a long moment.

"Parlez vous Francais?" I ask, wondering if she speaks the language or if she's just picked up a phase from somewhere.

"Oui, Papa!" She says, grinning at me.

"Where on Earth did you learn to speak French?" I ask, completely mystified.

"I take French lessons after school." She says as if it's the most natural thing for a four year old to be bilingual.

I can't believe I never thought of this before. She needs to go to school at some point. We don't know if there will be any more improvement in Ana's condition or how long it will take. It's been three days since that small amount of swelling reduction was shown, and there haven't been any new developments since.

"What asses are you liquefying?" She asks, breaking through my thoughts.

"Some beauty salons that I'm part owner of. I've sold the entire chain to a very mean man who will sooner buy out the other owner and turn them into bait and tackle shops." I say in a low and evil voice.

"That's not very nice." She says, shaking her head at me.

"It's revenge." I say simply, not letting those judgey grey eyes penetrate too deeply into my conscience.

"That's still not nice. I'm not impressed." She says, crossing her arms over her chest and tightening her lips, scolding me like she's the adult, and I'm the naughty child.

I raise a brow at her, challenging her to continue, and she bursts into laughter.

"Who did you give the beauty salons to?" She asks, watching as I crunch numbers.

"His name is Mr. Lincoln." I tell her, opening the new email that popped onto my screen.

"What's that?" She asks, pointing to the message.

"It's an email from Mrs. Lincoln." I say with a smirk. "She must have heard the good news about the beauty salons."

"Is that the wicked witch with the super high shoes who came here, and you made her cry?" She asks, pointing to the contact image next to the email.

"Yes, that's Elena Lincoln." I say distractedly as I read her angry message.

Linc must have called her. Shame. I wanted to do that.

"I bet you made her cry again." She says, furrowing her brow at me.

"Probably." I laugh.

"It's not nice to make people cry, even when they're really mean to you, and they call you a bastard and push you off the slide." She says, looking genuinely upset as she clambers off of my lap and walks out of my study.

I'm stunned. I didn't call anyone a bastard. I did call Elena a medaling bitch, but CJ can't read that in the email… can she?

…

"Hi." I say softly as I enter CJ's bedroom.

I find her sitting on her bedroom floor, brushing a fluffy toy dog. It's been an hour since she stormed out of my study, and I thought that if I gave her a bit of space, she'd eventually come out.

"I'm not talking to you." She says, scooting on her bottom until her back is to me before she continues brushing the dog.

"Well, I'm talking to you." I say, walking around her until I'm in front of her body.

"Get out of my room." She says, her eyes never leaving the dog.

"Excuse me?" I say, shocked and appalled at her audacity.

"I said," she begins, standing up onto her tip toes and glaring up at me, "get. Out. Of. My. Room!"

"This is my house. I'll go in any damn room I want, and you're my daughter, so you'll sit down and listen when I have something to discuss with you!" I say back, trying not to shout.

She clenches her teeth and then her fists, glaring up at me with, what appears to be, both frustration and determination.

"You are a bully!" She shouts. "My MOMMY says to IGNORE bullies!"

I stare down at her as her chest heaves. Her eyes are full of anger and pain, and I realize that she's referring to something else, something not related to me.

"You have a lot of experience with bullies?" I ask, wondering why she even knows the word.

"I told you, I'm not talking to you." She says more calmly, abandoning the dog and brush before leaving me standing alone in her bedroom.

It takes me a moment to catch my bearings before I follow her.

"CJ." I say, but she continues walking down the hall toward the stairs. "Christian!" I shout, becoming frustrated.

She freezes in her tracks, but doesn't look back at me.

"Where are you going?" I ask, knowing there's nothing upstairs for her; she's only been up there the one time when we needed to raid Danielle's wardrobe.

"I'm walking away!" She finally says, glaring at me over her shoulder.

"Who bullies you?" I ask, striding purposely toward her.

She doesn't reply, so I pick her up. She struggles, but I subdue her by gently encircling her in my arms so that we're chest to chest, and eye to eye.

"Who? Has someone hurt you?" I ask again, and I see her face soften.

"Lots of people bully me. I can handle it. I'm better than they are. They're just sad that they have stupid hair cuts or dumb names, so they try to make other people feel sad to make themselves feel better." She replies, and I realize she must have heard this from Ana after being picked on.

"Who is it? I'll kick their ass." I tell her with the hint of a smirk on my lips, hoping she'll relax.

She rolls her eyes, I assume at the word ass.

"Come on," I coax, "who picks on you? I'll go over to that school yard and hang those little assholes by their feet until they promise never to pick on you again." I say, grinning at her as she fights the urge to smile.

"There are these boys at school…" She starts, averting her eyes to anywhere but mine.

"What did they do?" I ask, adjusting her in my arms so that she's resting on my hip.

"They call me names." She says softly.

"Like what?" I ask, but she shakes her head. She doesn't want me to know.

"When I was in school, kids called me names too." I admit to her, despite the fact that I left that life far behind me when I began my path to what I am now.

"They did?" She asks, gazing up into my eyes.

I nod softly, recalling the names and the brawls and detentions that followed. I don't want to think about the names I was called or the beatings I received before I was ever school age, before Grace and Carrick. She doesn't need to know about that.

"Bastard."

"Excuse me?" I ask, wondering why she's calling me a bastard.

"They call me that, Bastard." She says, her cheeks flushing. "And they call my mommy a whore 'cause I don't have a daddy."

I'm shocked into silence, unsure how to respond to the fact that my child has been called such vulgar names, or that she's just repeated them to me. I feel guilty as I wonder if she repeated them to Ana as well. She's not a whore, and my child is not a bastard. Well, technically, she was born out of wedlock, but she has a father, and she was created in a moment of love.

"What kind of people raise their four year olds to know these words?" I ask, more to myself as I carry her back to her bedroom.

"Jackson and Toby aren't four. They're in fifth grade." She informs me as I sit her down on her bed.

"Oh, so these little assholes are, what, ten? Eleven? What a bunch of big fucking shots, picking on a kid half their fucking age."

I glance down at her. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open.

"Sorry." I mutter, kissing the top of her head. "Listen, what happened with Elena, with Mrs. Lincoln, she did some really bad things to me. She told lies and she stole the most precious asset I have from me. I got very angry, and I reacted in the wrong way." I explain, realizing how important my influence is for her development.

"You should say sorry." She says.

"I'm not sorry that I did what I did. I AM sorry that I let you down, though." I explain. "I didn't actually take anything from her, really. I sold things that belonged to me. The events that followed just happen to not work in her favour." I say, trying to rationalize the situation to her.

"It still wasn't very nice." She says.

"I know, but you know what they say; an eye for an eye, right?" I ask, with a smirk.

"They also say you should turn the other cheek, AND to forgive and forget." She points out, pursing her lips at me in challenge.

"You truly are your mother's child." I state softly. "I'm going to forgive myself and forget that I was such an asshole." I say, hoping she'll accept it.

She shakes her head, but she's smirking at me.

"You're so sweary." She says with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

"That's very disrespectful." I point out, raising a brow at her.

"What is?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.

"Rolling your eyes. It's very rude."

She shrugs, smiling at me as she rolls her eyes again.

I growl, trying to hide my smile as I tackle her to the bed, tickling her sides. She's giggling hysterically and thrashing about on her bed. I'm relentless; I pin her upper body with one arm, my back to her head, and grasp an ankle, tickling the foot attached to it.

"Please!" She shouts through her giggles.

"Are you going to roll your eyes at me again?" I ask, taking her other, kicking, ankle in my hand and tickling both feet at once.

"I wo— I—I won't—" She struggles to speak.

"You won't what?" I ask, halting my actions for a moment, but maintaining my grip on her tiny ankles.

"I won't roll my eyes again." She says, gasping for air.

"Okay." I say, releasing her and standing up.

I watch her lay completely still except for her heaving abdomen as she catches her breath.

"I think you've brushed that faux fur to death." I say, pointing at the toy dog on her floor next to a pile of matted fur.

"Because it's not nice fur." She explains, furrowing her brow. "My real puppy has soft fur. I like to brush it, and it doesn't all fall out like that."

"You have a dog?" I ask, wondering why I haven't heard of it yet and who is taking care of it.

"Yes." She say simply.

"Where is it? In Georgia?" I ask, sitting back down next to her.

"Yea. It lives at the pet store. I just brush it in my head." She says, tapping her index finger to her temple, and I laugh out loud.

"Dogs are a lot of responsibility." I tell her.

"That's what everyone says." She sighs. "I could do it though. I'm a good pet keeper. I only lost my turtle three times, and I know that I can't take my fish out of the water to go for a walk." She says with an unbelievably casual air.

"You walked your fish?" I ask, trying to keep the humour from my tone.

"Just once. He slept for a long time, but then he was fine. Mommy says walks make fishes too sleepy, so they like to stay in the bowl." She explains. "He didn't even do any of the work. I let him ride in my pocket."

I feel a knowing smile etch itself on my lips.

"Yes. Mommy is right." I reply, lying down next to her with my feet hanging off the side of her bed.

"Can I have a puppy?"

"You have one, two if you reuse that ball of fur you combed off it." I say, turning my head to smile at her.

"A real one." She says, smiling back.

"I don't think so."

"Please, Daddy? PLEASSEEEEE!" She says, pushing her lower lip out and widening her grey eyes at me.

"Don't make that face at me." I warn, sitting up.

She follows, clambers into my lap so that we're face to face. She grabs my cheeks, pushing them together and causing my lips to purse.

"Don't make that face at me, Daddy." She says in a deep voice, which I assume is meant to sound like me. "Can I have a puppy?" She asks again.

Before I have a chance to say no, she guides my head into a nod.

"Of course, CJ. You can have anything you want because you're the best daughter in all the land." She says, using her deep voice again.

"Oh, you're too much!" She gushes in her own voice. "You're the best daddy ever!" She says, jumping off my lap and running out of the room.

I sit, dumbfounded as I contemplate what just happened.

…

"Daddy?"

I stir, opening one eye to find two wide eyes staring into my face from the side of my bed.

"What?" I grumble, glancing at the alarm as the red numbers burn 3:08AM into my retinas.

"Can I have a puppy?"

"No." I groan, rolling over.

I've heard nothing but the same question all day.

"But you said you would think about it!" She protests, climbing onto the bed and over my body to get to the vacant side.

"Go to bed."

"PLEASE!" She begs, putting her thumbs over my eyelids and trying to pry my eyes open.

"Shhhh." I say, blindly reaching out and fumbling before finding her head and stroking it.

"Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy." She says until I open my eyes and glare at her.

"What?" I ask.

"Can I have a puppy?"

"Fine! You can have a goddamn puppy, CJ! GO TO BED!" I shout, rolling over again so that my back it to her.

"Kay." She says brightly, and I feel her squirm her way under the duvet.

"You could sleep in your own bed, you know." I mumble.

"No thanks. I'm good." She says, yawning as she snuggles into my back.

…

"That's not a dog." I tease, glancing down at the puppy sitting in CJ's lap as we ride home in the back of the Audi. "It's a mouse, or bunny." I continue, raising my brow at the tan coloured, bug eyed Chihuahua she's holding.

"This is a cute dog. THAT'S a beast." She replies, pointing at the, admittedly overweight, brown and white English Bulldog on my own lap.

I look down at my dog, scratching between his ears. I couldn't say no. They were going to put him down. He was rescued from an abusive home. I just couldn't walk away from him.

"We should name them Princess Buttercup and Wesley!" She squeals, lifting her puppy up and kissing the top of her head.

"Why?" I ask, raising a brow at her.

"Like from the Princess Bride." She explains, raising a brow back at me.

"Oh, I haven't seen that one." I say with a shrug.

She gasps, her second eyebrow joining the first .

"It's SO romantic!" She gushes. "Wesley is a farmboy. He works for Buttercup's family, and every time she tells him to do something, he tells her 'as you wish', no matter how mean she is to him. Then, the fall in love, but Wesley has to go away, so he promises to come back to Buttercup, but he's captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts. Then she has to marry stinky old Prince Humperdink and pirates kidnap HER. THEN Wesley comes back and takes her from the pirates, but she doesn't know he's Wesley because he's wearing a mask, and she thinks he's the Dread Pirate Roberts, so she hates him because she thinks he's the one who stole her love and killed him."

I listen carefully, trying to keep up with the storyline as it becomes more and more absurd.

"He died and was brought back to life, and was tortured, and lived with a pirate and climbed a cliff and came back to her years later because she was his one true love!" She says finally, sighing heavily. "So romantic!"

I smile because I'm not sure how to respond to all that she's just told me.

"So?" She asks, staring at me with questioning eyes. "Can we name them Princess Buttercup and Wesley?"

"Oh, sure." I agree, remembering why she'd gone on that tirade to begin with.

"Yay!" She says, grinning at me.

…

"Sir?" Taylor says, entering my office.

It's late, and I'm about to begin a video conference with the site manager at my shipping yard in Taiwan. It took forever to get CJ to bed, and she'd only stay in her room if Princess Buttercup and Wesley could stay in there too, so I finally ended up tucking her and both dogs into her bed.

"Yes?" I ask, glancing up.

"There's something you should see." He says, picking up the television remote on my desk and flicking on the flat screen.

"_**That's right, ladies; you heard correctly. Seattle's most eligible bachelor may not be so eligible! A source close to THE Christian Grey has given us exclusive, insider information. It seems Mr. Grey has acquired a lady Grey, but don't let that get you down! She's about three feet tall and bears a striking resemblance to, who we're told is, her daddy!" **_

I stare at the screen as a photo of CJ and I walking down the street is cropped into the corner of the screen next to the reporter's head.

"I suppose I need to comment on this." I say simply. "Have a statement done up and emailed to me. You can release it the media outlets as soon as I approve it."

…

"Whatchya doin'?" CJ asks, prancing into my study with Princess Buttercup in her arms.

"What have you done to that poor creature?" I ask, eyeing the pink tutu flopping about the dog's waist.

"I took it off my dolly! It fits!" She shouts, smiling down at the dog.

"I see." I reply. "I'm looking at schools." I explain, answering her earlier question.

"Why?" She asks, climbing into the chair opposite me.

"Because you've been here a month, and you need to go to school."

"I like staying home with you and Gail." She says.

"I can't keep working from home all the time, CJ. I have meetings and interviews that I need to handle, and you need to go to school. Education is a very important part of life." I explain, browsing through the curriculum for Seattle Country Day School.

"Am I ever going back to my old school?" She asks, furrowing her brown in confusion.

"I'm not sure, but while you're here, I think you'll go to this school. Come look." I say, pushing my chair back and beckoning her onto my lap.

While CJ clicks aimlessly about the website, I fire off an email to Welch, including a link and requesting full background checks on all of the faculty, donors, and student families. I think this is the school for her.

…

"Sophie will be here soon." I say, kissing the top of CJ's head before I leave to visit with Ana. "Be good for your Auntie Mia. She means well." I say, nodding at Sawyer and Prescott.

Things have settled down substantially since CJ first came into my life just over a month ago. She's settling into her new school and is enrolled in a French class on weekends to pick up where she left off in Savannah. She seems happy. The only complaint she seems to have right now is that she's the only kid in her school with four security guards following her around all day.

I felt the need to increase her detail when, on her first day, an unexpected fire drill left her standing outside in the open playground while teachers and students scrambled to make sure that everyone was accounted for.

Frankly, I could care less if the teacher cannot account for my child in the situation, as long as my highly trained, highly paid security officers know where she is at all times.

I just want to protect her from everything that could possibly cause her harm or hurt her.

She still questions when her mother will wake up and come home. I can tell she misses her. It's the one thing I can't protect her from.

I've begun think that Ray and Carla are losing hope, but I'm forcing myself to hold on. She's had several improvements. She's getting better. I know she'll wake up when she's ready. I have to believe that.

…

I arrive in the ICU to find someone standing next to Ana's bed. He's holding his hands out, palms down, over her body and humming.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, approaching and glaring at the man.

He turns, startled from… whatever he was doing, and gazes at me.

"Kavanaugh?" I ask, rolling my eyes. The last I heard he'd dropped out of school and decided to travel. I assume Katherine and her family have kept in touch, but I couldn't have really cared less to ask.

"Christian. Namaste." She says, placing his hands together, palm to plam, and bowing slightly.

I raise a brow at him, really wondering what the hell he's doing now.

"I came as soon as I heard. I've just spent three months on an ashram in India, living in complete silence with a group of monks." He tells me, and I roll my eyes.

"Great." I reply, completely uninterested.

"I owe you an apology, Christian." He says, taking a deep breath. "For my part in breaking you and Ana up." He continues.

I don't reply. I can't handle Ana's douchebag, hippie ex-boyfriend spreading his peace, love, and all-of-the-above all over me right now.

"We were never together. I gave into my primal instincts of jealousy, envy, and lust. I lied to you because I coveted what was rightfully yours, Ana's heart." He says, and despite how ridiculous these words sound coming from Ethan Kavanaugh's mouth, I can't help but believe that he truly is sorry.

It doesn't hurt that he told me Ana was rightfully mine.

"We're fine, Kavanaugh." I say, hoping he'll shut up now.

I've spent so long being angry and resentful that I'm physically exhausted. All I care about is Ana and her health. She needs to come out of this, so we can set the record straight and deal with what's happened.

"So what the hell happened to you?" I ask, breaking the long stretch of silence that has encompassed Ana's bedside where we've both been sitting for over an hour.

"What do you mean? He asks, seemingly more himself than he was when I first arrived.

"What's with the ashram and dropping out of school?" I clarify.

"You dropped out of school." He says, sounding defensive.

"I did. I also became a multibillion dollar enterprise. You took a vow of silence." I point out.

"And celibacy." He says with a sigh. "I just needed to get away. All of the psychology babble and analyzing yourself and the people around you, it just got into my head." He explains, looking somewhat wounded. "I felt guilty. Ana, the baby, you… Jose… being a part of that entire dramatic situation just made me hate myself." He admits.

"Baby?" I ask, feigning surprise.

"My sister told me she's been living with you since the accident. Nice try though." He says with a smirk.

I can't help but smile. I just love fucking with him.

"What about Rodriguez ? Has Ana seen him much since she moved?" I ask casually.

"Nice try, buddy." He says with a grin. "Like you don't know and haven't been twitching to beat the shit out of him too."

"I'm sorry?" I ask, my eyes widening.

"You really don't know." He says, and it's a statement, not a question. "Shit."

"What? They dated?" I ask sarcastically.

"For a while. They broke up just before Christian was born, uh, CJ. He was an ass. He had a hard time accepting that she was having your baby. He told her once, that if it was ANYONE else in the entire world, he'd be fine with it, but the fact that it was Christian Grey's baby, he always said your name like that, Christian Grey." He laughs, shrugging slightly.

"I wouldn't want him around my daughter with that kind of hatred for me anyways." I say softly, reaching for Ana's hand.

"Well, they tried again last year. They were engaged, and he wanted to have a child of his own with her. Kate says Jose turned into a really dark person when Ana couldn't get pregnant again, infertility or something. She racked up a decent amount of debt from it, too. He couldn't accept that the only child he'd raise was yours. Apparently, they had a huge blow out, and he left. He's off in Prague taking photos for a small travel magazine."

I nod thoughtfully. How could anyone not adore CJ, even if she wasn't their child? She's amazingly bright and kind. She has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. It hurts to know that someone rejected her that way.

Kavanaugh was right; I do want to beat the shit out of Jose.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." An older nurse says, stepping toward us. "I'm going to have to ask you both to leave while I give Miss Steele her bath."

We both nod, rising from our chairs. I feel Ethan's eyes on me as I bend over to kiss Ana's forehead.

"I'll be back, baby." I whisper before stepping out of the way for the nurse to pull the curtains.

"Coffee?" Ethan asks, and I nod, leading us out of the ICU room.

…

* * *

Everything feels fuzzy. My head hurts, though everything else does as well.

_Where am I?_ I wonder, but I can't open my eyes to check. I try to move my hand, but it feels stiff and heavy as if it's encased in cinderblock. I try to speak, but no words leave my mouth. They just echo throughout my head.

_Help! Help me! Please, is anyone there?_

I try again to force my heavy eyelids open; they budge just the slightest bit, and I feel blinded as bright lights stream through the tiny slits they've created. I push harder, against my throbbing head's protests, and successfully open my eyes almost entirely.

_What is this?_ I wonder, glancing as best as I can around at my surroundings. _A hospital? Oh god! The plane! _

I try to speak again. I need to get up. I need to find my baby. She must be terrified.

There are no sounds coming from my mouth, and I try to scream. I force my heavy hands up to my throat and feel something, plastic tubes?

_Oh god. I can't breathe. _

I smack my hand against the side rail of the bed, it hurts, but I need to get someone's attention.

"Calm down, Miss Steele. My name is Nurse Nora. You're in the hospital." She says in a soothing tone.

I try to speak, respond to her, introduce myself, tell her to call me Ana, ANYTHING, but nothing comes out.

"Don't try to talk. You've got a tube in your throat to help you breathe." She says, placing her hand on mine and gently moving it away from the plastic tubing.

I'm exhausted. How can I be exhausted? I've barely moved. I try to signal that I want a pen and paper, but I feel so jittery, I'm not sure if it's making any sense to Nurse Nora.

"You want to write something down?" She asks.

_Thank god!_ I think, giving a weak 'thumbs up' before she nods and wanders away somewhere.

She returns a moment later with a pen and clipboard. She hands me the pen and holds the clipboard down low enough that I won't have to reach up too high to write on it.

- Christian Grey? – I write, hoping she can look in their database to see if she's a patient.

"He went down to get a cup of coffee about an hour or so ago, but he's been here every day."

_He? Oh god! _ I start to panic, but I regain myself quickly. I have more pressing matters.

- No. Baby Christian Grey. Girl. – I write, trying to piece together enough information without having to write in full sentences.

"You mean little Christian." Nurse Nora says with a smile. "She's been by a couple of times. It's hard for kids, though."

- CJ okay?

"Yes, yes, of course! I'm so sorry! She's just fine." She assures me with a smile.

- Not hurt? Plane crash?

"Yes, you were both in a plane crash, but no, your daughter wasn't seriously injured. She's got a fractured arm, but nothing that won't heal up in a couple more weeks." Nora says.

I feel relieved, though now I wonder how long I've been asleep if she'll be fine in only a couple of weeks. I know from experience that a fracture take several weeks to heal.

- how long? Today's date?

"You've been in a coma for thirty-five days. Now, I want you to rest. I'm going to call your doctor; she'll be very pleased to see those eyes open." She says before taking the pen from my hand and walking away.

_I wasn't finished. _I grumble internally as I try to relax. I'm so aware of every sound, every feeling, every ache, especially the one in my chest.

CJ wasn't hurt badly.

Christian's been here? Does he know CJ is his child? Who has her? Where are my parents? Where's Kate?

I feel so helpless.

"Ana?" I open my eyes, realizing that I must have dozed off.

I give a silent 'thanks' to the universe for letting me wake up again without a month passing.

As I adjust to the lights again, my eyes focus on a familiar face.

_Grace! Oh god! It's Dr. Grace! _

I'm both ecstatic and terrified. How much does she know about what happened between Christian and I. Does she know about CJ now? I feel awful. I should apologize. I owe her something.

"How do you feel, darling?" She asks, but she must be aware that I can't answer.

I move my hand toward hers, grasping it rather rough and clumsily, and I feel a tear roll down my temple and into my hair.

"You're okay now, Ana. It's going to be fine." She says, reaching with her free hand to stroke my hair.

"Is she here?"

I hear someone speak. I'd know that voice anywhere. Christian is standing nearby, speaking to someone.

"Good. Bring her up." He says. "No, not in the room yet."

He must be on the phone. _Who is bringing whom up here?_

"Ana, I'm going to check your vitals and then remove this tube." Grace says softly, meeting my watery eyes.

I nod slightly, and she checks me over before she instructs me to take a deep breath. I do, and I soon feel the tube slide out.

I'm gasping for air, choking slightly. I feel parched, but she must have anticipated this because someone brings a straw to my mouth, and I sip greedily.

"Not too fast." Grace says, taking the Styrofoam cup away.

"CJ?" I try to say, but it comes out as a, nearly inaudible, hoarse whisper.

"She's fine. She's just outside the door when you want to see her." Christian says.

"Let me raise your head a little." Grace says, reaching down the side rail of the bed.

I feel myself slowly sitting up, but not completely. I can see him now. He's standing at the foot of the bed. His face is red and shimmery.

_Has he been crying?_ I wonder, but it's a fleeting thought. His eyes meet mine, and we're staring, unblinkingly, at each other.

I'm shocked when he suddenly breaks the gaze and walks away. I want to call him back, but I'm afraid. I feel so blessed to be alive and awake right now. I can't bear to curse him and yell all of the angry words I've pent up for the last five years.

"Christian?" I try, wanting to ask him a million questions, tell him a million things.

"Mommy!"

"CJ?" I try to match her high pitched squeal as her beautiful voice invades my thoughts, radiating off of my every nerve.

"You woke up!" She says, standing next to the bed where I can finally lay my eyes on her.

She looks exactly the same, with the exception of the hot pink cast encasing her arm.

"Hey, Princess." I say, raising my trembling hand up to cup her cheek.

I smile at her, reassured that she's okay.

"I missed you, Mommy." She says, and I stroke a tear away from her cheek with my thumb.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, unable to speak any louder.

"CJ, darling, Mommy needs to rest her voice." Grace says, stroking my daughter's unruly curls.

"Okay. You can just listen. I have SO much to tell you!" She gushes, climbing into the chair next to the bed.

I can't help but smile. She makes me so happy. I'm vaguely aware of Christian, Grace, Ethan, and Taylor standing around, but my eyes and ears are glued to my baby.

"You have a new school?" I ask as she tells me she's started at Seattle Country Day School.

"Yep! Sawyer, and Prescott, and Reynolds, and Ryan come with me!" She says excitedly.

"Who are they?" I rasp.

"My enterpodge." She says, and I glance briefly toward Christian.

"Entourage." He says softly, correcting her, and I nod.

"That's quite a large entourage for one small girl to take to school."I say trying to clear my throat and project my ever dying voice.

"That's enough chatting for today, ladies." Grace says, giving me a stern, pointed look that silently tells me to behave myself and stop straining my voice.

"We should probably… go." Christian says, not meeting my eyes. "You have your piano lesson in an hour." He continues, and I feel a pang of anger.

He's had her for a month and already he thinks he can just forget about how he abandoned her by throwing expensive schools and extracurricular programs at her?

So much for not feeling bitter. I open my mouth to demand answers when I see my mother's damp face coming through the door.

_Next time, Grey._ I silently say, glaring into his eyes briefly before my mother takes my attention.

"Oh, sweetheart!" She says, hugging me gently as Ray stands behind her.

"I guess I ruined the honeymoon." I say, trying for humour, but still only getting raspy career smoker voice.

They both chuckle, and I can tell they're just so relieved to see that I'm okay. I suddenly feel so guilty about being in a coma so long. They've put their lives on hold, cancelled plans, lost time. Everyone has.

I start to cry, trying to hide it because CJ is still sitting next to me.

"Mommy?" She asks.

"I'm fine, sweetie. Give me a hug and go to your lesson, okay?" I rasp, wrapping one arm around her back in a partial hug.

I'm both thankful and pained when Christian comes over and picks her up, pulling her away from me.

After a parade of Greys and Kate following my parents, Grace tells everyone to leave so that I can rest. I'm grateful; frankly, just keeping my eyes open has exhausted me entirely. I feel even worse now that I've heard that Kate and Elliott didn't get married because of the accident.

They seemed off, as if they weren't speaking to each other, rather than the gushing lovers they normally are.

* * *

I feel odd, out of place. Ana is awake, and I'm wondering where that will leave CJ and I. Ideally, I'd like Ana and I to reconcile and try again at being in a relationship, though the way she looked at me makes me believe that won't happen in the near future.

She seems so angry.

"When can Mommy come home?" CJ asks, breaking into my thoughts.

"I'm not sure. She's still very tired." I explain distractedly.

"She can come live at Escala with us and Princess Buttercup and Wesley and Gail and Taylor!" She exclaims excitedly.

"That's not our decision to make. That's up to your mother." I say, pulling out my blackberry and pretending to write an email.

"Are you working?" She asks

I nod, knowing that our conversation about asking questions while I'm trying to work is still fresh in her brain.

She sighs heavily. I know she has a multitude of inquiries, but I just haven't the energy or the answers to reply.

…

"Hi." I say simply, entering her new private accommodations in another wing of the hospital.

I'm glad my request to have her moved was done so quickly. She only woke up earlier today.

"Hi." She replies, her voice gravelly and raw.

"Do you mind if I sit?" I ask, gesturing to the chair next to her bed.

"Since when did Christian Grey consult people before doing things?" She asks, turning her head toward the wall.

I sit, but I don't reply. We stay this way for several moments, sitting in utter silence.

"X-Ray vision?" I ask, trying to break the silence. "Or are you fascinated by the colour of Hospital Wall White?"

"Visiting hours were over at nine." She snaps in her croaky voice, keeping her back to me.

I smirk, glancing at the clock on the wall she's facing; it's just after 10PM.

"I have a little pull around here." I say in a cheeky tone.

"Of course you do. Christian Grey wants, Christian Grey gets." She says, rolling over to glare at me.

That's a start.

"I don't have you." I say, feeling emboldened by the knowledge that she didn't leave me of her own accord.

"And you never will." She rasps, rolling over again.

I sit in silence, staring at the back of her head for a long while. Finally, I sigh, standing up and giving her one last backward glance before walking out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: By the end of this, some of you may be SUPER angry, and other may be SUPER excited. Don't be either of those things. ;)

**- The next chapter is about 2 days away – (for those of you who love to ask for it sooner.) :P **

**Chapter 10:**

"Coffee?" I offer as soon as her eyes open.

She glares at me in a half-asleep state. _She's_ mad at _me?_ I'm the one who's been sitting here for the past hour and a half wondering when she was intending on waking up.

"What are you doing here, and why are you watching me sleep?" She asks, wincing as she tenderly sits up. "No, don't answer that. I already know all about your stalking tendencies. Old habits die hard, I guess." She continues, rolling her eyes.

"Ah,yes, they do, don't they? Just like your smart mouth and utter lack of respect." I say, handing her the coffee.

She eyes it warily for a moment before accepting it.

" I had breakfast with your doctor. She says it's okay." I say, though I know it's not the coffee, but rather the person who brought it, that she's wary about.

I watch her take a slow sip, then cringe.

"I've been here a while." I say with a wink. "Early bird gets the hot coffee."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to remember to wake up from my drug induced slumber at a more polite hour next time." She says dryly, and I feel kind of guilty for letting her drink the cold coffee.

"Here." I say, standing and reaching for the cup. "I'll go warm it up."

"You don't have to. It's fine." She says, but I take it anyway, walking out of her room before she has a chance to protest.

I find the microwave in a small room near the nurse's station, but I decide to just toss the coffee completely and head toward the Starbucks in the cafeteria on the floor below us.

When I return to her room, Ray is sitting in the chair nearest the door, reading a newspaper. He must have come in just as I left. I'd only been gone ten minutes.

He raises a finger to his lips and then points at Ana. I guess she's fallen back asleep. I glance down at the latte in my hand and sigh, walking around to the window side of her bed and sitting down.

…

* * *

_Who just came in?_ I wonder, feigning sleep for the past several minutes when I thought Christian had come back with my nuked coffee, but a second person has entered the room and taken a seat right in my line of view if I were to open my eyes.

I fight the urge to. Maybe if I pretend long enough, I'll actually fall asleep.

"She won't talk to me." Christian says. He's the one on the side of the bed I'm facing, but who else is here?

"You blame her?" Ray scoffs.

_Ray! Oh, my daddy is here!_

"I guess not, but how can we resolve this if she won't listen?" Christian asks him.

Why is he asking my father for advice?

"Make her listen. Hold her down, take her over your knee, beat it into her. She needs to know this wasn't your fault."

Why is Ray being so nice to the enemy?!

I hear Christian chuckle slightly, and I assume it's because Ray just gave him carte blanche to do with me as he pleases.

"She needs to know that it wasn't you, that you didn't even know she was pregnant."

What lies has this jerk been telling?

"I live an eclectic lifestyle, Ray. I just thought that she wanted to get as far away from it as possible. That's why I didn't question it. She's not the first… girlfriend… to be unable to deal with such a high maintenance world." He says, and I'm growing intrigued. "I thought she just wanted the space to move on. I didn't want to force her to be with me."

"I know all this. You need to tell HER." Ray tells him.

There's a long silence, and I wonder if they're done talking, until I hear Ray's gruff voice again.

"You love her?" He asks.

_Christian Grey wouldn't know love if someone bent him over the bench in the playroom and beat it into him. _

"Yes." He says softly after a long pause. "I love her. I love CJ. I just want the family we should have been." He says and his voice sounds strained. "Before Elena stole everything that eve mattered to me."

"When Ana was growing up, her mother went through a few husbands. Her third husband was a piece of work. He… he didn't love my Annie, didn't really want anything to do with her. Annie's real dad, well, you know he died. She just wanted to know she had a place." I hear Ray pause, like he's trying to muster up the courage to say the awkward words. "I'm not one of those feeling expressing types, but I tried my hardest to let her know, she needed to know that despite all the people coming in and out of her life, someone loved her. I made sure I told her." He says and then chuckles. "You know what she'd say? She'd say 'prove it'."

I hear Christian chuckle, and I fight the urge to smile, but I can feel my lips twitching. I just hope neither of them can see.

"So you're saying…" Christian starts, catching onto my father's meaning.

I hear Ray stand up.

"Prove it." He says, leaning over my body to kiss my temple.

"You're leaving?" Christian asks.

"I was just stopping in to drop some things off for Annie. She wanted a sweater and some, uh, fresh under things." Ray says, sounding awkward. "I'm supposed to meet Jose Sr. He's wanted to come by, but, well… he just wasn't so sure it was a good idea."

_Definitely not. I don't want to see Jose's father. Not with how things were left between Jose and I._

I hear Christian get up, and I wonder if he's going to leave as well, but he steps closer and leans over my body.

_Kiss me._ _No, wait! What am I thinking!?_

"You can stop pretending to be asleep now." His breath is warm against my cheek as he whispers softly.

My eyes pop open, and I'm staring into his smirking face.

"How'd you know?" I demand, sitting up slightly.

"I know your body, Anastasia." He says with a cocky air. "Also, your poker face is terrible. You must have been having SOME dream to make you smile like that."

I roll my eyes, and catch his glare.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"You know what." He replies. "If you were mine—"

"Well, I'm not!" I snap, cutting him off because I've heard this lecture, or one like it, before.

He seems irritated. _Good!_

"So, you were going to marry the attempted rapist?" He asks in a disturbingly nonchalant tone.

"Jose never… did THAT." I say softly, unable to say that word. It sounds so dirty.

"He tried." Christian insists.

"Really? You haven't seen me in five years, and you want to lecture me on probably the most humiliating night of my life?" I ask, crossing my arms and gazing at the window.

_Why the hell are the shades always drawn? I look like I'm staring at the wall again!_

He obviously senses my dismay and leans over, pulling the string and letting the sunshine flood the room.

"How did you charm my father into being on Team Christian?" I ask, keeping a stubborn edge to my voice.

"I told him the truth." He says simply, handing me a Starbucks cup.

I'm grateful that it's still warm when I take a much needed sip.

"And that would be…" I coax him between sips.

"That I had no idea you were pregnant, that I thought you wanted out… Ana, you heard most of this while you were pretending to sleep. Why do you want me to repeat it?" He asks. He sounds frustrated.

"I thought…" I pause, trying to find the words. "Christian, you micro-manage every single aspect of your life. When the flowers came, when that _cunt_," I freeze, coving my mouth with my hand.

That's another word that I find far too dirty to even think, let alone say, though it comes so naturally when I speak of Elena.

I can feel myself blushing profusely, and I risk a glance at Christian. He's smirking at me as if he's enjoying my slip.

"Such dirty words from such a pretty little mouth." He says, raising a brow at me.

_How can he make that sound so seductive!?_

I bite my lip, and I hear him growl, though it appears unintentional as he clears his throat to cover it.

"I have a boyfriend!" I blurt out.

I had intended on the words to come out casually, but they sounded like a rushed excuse to stop him from undressing me with his eyes.

I glance down at myself and wonder why he'd want to undress me. I look wretched.

"No, you had a fiancé." He says, standing up from his chair again and leaning over me, his eyes gazing into mine.

"Jose?" I squeak, trying to find my voice.

Why, after five years of being a confident, well-rounded, grown woman, am I reduced to the meek, blushing fool again? It's him. This is his fault.

He nods slowly.

"I know all about Rodriguez." He says in a husky voice. "I'd like to wrap my hands around his cowardice neck."

I flush. _Why is that hot?_

"No, not him." I squeak again, internally chastising myself to get a hold of my vocal cords. "His name is Jamie. I work with him." I say more calmly.

"Jamie? What kind of name is that?" He asks, laughing, though I can see the jealously raging in his eyes, just like it did that night he punched Ethan.

"It's the south." I say defensively, glaring at him.

"And where is this boyfriend, then?" He asks, raising a skeptical brow.

I groan.

"Fine, he's not my boyfriend. We went on one date, and we were supposed to go out again when I got back from the wedding. Happy? I'm still not interested in… whatever it is you think you're offering up." I say, scowling, more at myself than him.

He looks smug, and it only makes me angrier.

"Like you haven't had any new subs in the last five years." I accuse, remembering back when I stupidly assumed he was celibate… or gay.

He shifts uncomfortably, as if he's ashamed to admit that I'm right.

"So you have!" I exclaim, watching him squirm some more.

"It's not the same thing." He says, sounding like a petulant teenager.

"How so?" I demand, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

"You were… sweet and innocent." He says, obviously hinting at the fact that he was my first.

"And you were fifty shades with a trail of fifteen and Mrs. Robinson." I say back. "We were a ticking time bomb. It's better this way." I say, trying to convince myself of the same thing.

"You really believe that? That we could never make it work? Even with… more?" He asks. He looks wounded.

"Christian, how long do you think you could really last without going back to that lifestyle? How long DID you last before going back to it?" I ask, but he doesn't answer. He just stares.

"I could have been vanilla forever for you. Nobody else was worth it." He says, leaning down close to my face again. "I'm going to kiss you now." He whispers.

I should stop him. I need to stop him. I want to stop him, don't I?

The kiss is chaste, his lips just barely brushing against mine, and I feel bereft when they're gone.

"I've changed. I'm going to prove to you that you are everything I need, you and CJ. We're a family, whether you like it or not. We're stuck with each other forever." He says with a wink.

…

* * *

She looks sad. Why would she be sad to know that I still love her, that I want a life with her and our daughter?

I hear her mumble something and wipe a tear from her cheek.

"No, baby, don't cry." I whisper, rubbing the pad of my thumb under her eye as fresh tears escape.

"I didn't really go on a date with Jamie." She says, but I'm sure that's not what she mumbled a moment ago. "He asked. I said no. I wanted to. I really like him."

_Why is she telling me this? Why is she crying over some guy she works with?_

"I can't be with anyone, Christian. I'm… damaged goods." She says, and I realize that's what she mumbled before.

"Don't say that." I tell her, stroking my thumb over her soft lower lip. "You're perfect."

"I'm broken, barren, dried up." She says.

"And just the slightest bit melodramatic?" I ask, raising a brow at her and trying for a reassuring smile.

"It's not funny." She warns through her tears, though I can see the hint of a smile playing at her lips.

"No, it's not." I say with complete seriousness. "I'm sorry you went through that."

"Jose and I didn't just break up, okay. He left me. He just… left me. When the going got tough. Just like you." She says softly.

"I didn't—"

"I know." She says, cutting me off and staring into my eyes. "I know that now, but it's… everything is changed, Christian. We can just pick up where we left off."

"I don't want to pick up where we left off. I want what I offered you that night at the gallery." I say, feeling anxious. "I'm not leaving without a fight, and I think you're just as torn."

She eyes me suspiciously for a moment.

"Are you quoting songs to me, Christian Grey?" She asks, and I feel myself flush slightly. Caught.

"It's fitting." I defend.

"I know." She replies softly. "I listened to it on repeat for a month after I moved."

"They're releasing you tomorrow." I say, needing to break the tension gripping my heart. "You can stay with me."

She looks uneasy.

"To be near CJ." I add, hoping that will entice her.

"I guess that would be fine." She says slowly, eyeing warily.

"Do you think I'm going to get you drunk and pull a Jose just because you're in my house?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

"That's not funny." She says, pouting like a child… like MY child.

"You've trained her well." I say, narrowing my eyes. "She controls me." I admit.

"Oh, don't tell me that the great and powerful Christian Grey is letting a four year old walk all over him." She says with a dramatic sigh.

"It's like she has all of the power." I go on, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Those eyes! They bore into you and grip onto your self control."

"You do realize she has your eyes?" She asks, and I smirk. "Exactly. It's like I'm competing with myself and you." I say as I begin to realize something. "Ana, you and I together are stronger than me alone."

She smiles softly, and I'm left wondering what she's thinking.

"You have to be her father, Christian, not her friend." She says, and I know she's right.

"I've kept her fed, clothed, housed, and safe. She's not really done anything that required any strong discipline." I tell her, defending my parenting techniques.

"I don't doubt for a moment that you two are doing just fine, Christian. I'm sure you're a wonderful father." She says, and I feel better. "I always knew you could be, if you'd only just give yourself the chance. Now, I realize someone took that from you."

She's been a parent for CJ's entire life. I'm still learning. It's nice to have the confidence of a veteran backing me.

…

* * *

"Mommy!" CJ shrieks as we walk off the elevator. "Let me show you my room!" She says, grabbing my hand.

"Gentle with mommy, CJ." Christian scolds, and I smirk at him. "The irony is not lost on me." He whispers before I'm whisked into the living room full of our families.

"We're just here for one toast to Ana being well." Grace says to everyone, handing me a small glass of champagne. "Then we're all leaving, so she can rest."

I nod gratefully. I'm glad to see everyone and to be out of the hospital, but I'm weak and tired still. Just coming home has worn me out.

_Except this isn't my home._ I remind myself. My home is in 's nice two-story house with four bedrooms on the upper floor and an office on the main. The best feature, the selling feature really, is that it's on the beach. Though, I have always loved the view here as well.

…

"How are you feeling?" Christian asks once he's seen the last guest out.

I shrug, curling my legs up under me on the massive sofa.

"Dinner?" He suggests.

"No thanks." I say, and I watch him squirm.

He looks like he wants to lecture me about eating. That's his thing. He feels awkward with me here, like he's unsure of what to do with himself, so he's going to try to stuff me.

"You should eat." He says through clenched teeth.

"I'm not hungry." I reply.

I won't let him boss me around. I'm not his girlfriend or his sub.

"I'll see what Gail left." He says as if I'd given him a completely different response.

"I want pizza!" CJ shouts from the floor where she's colouring.

"You had pizza two nights ago." Christian says, shaking his head as he walks toward the kitchen.

"PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!" CJ shouts, and I'm shocked.

"Christian Katherine Grey!" I say in my sternest voice, rising onto my feet with as much grace and balance as I can muster. "You go to your room until you can remember where you left your manners." I tell her.

I can feel Christian, the man, watching me, but my eyes are unyieldingly fixed on CJ. She pouts and looks over my shoulder at Christian.

"I can order—" I cut him off, waving my hand at him dismissively.

"Go!" I say again, pointing to the doorway leading toward her bedroom.

I wait until I hear her bedroom door slam before I turn around and glare at him.

"You can't just give into her like that. She knows how to ask for something politely. I did not raise a spoiled little brat." I say, putting my hands on my hips.

He's smirking.

"Why the fuck are you smirking at?!" I shout, my anger just flowing freely now.

"You're so…" He starts, cocking his head to the side and pursing his lips as he thinks for a moment. "You're such a mom."

I stare at him, speechless. Why the hell is this amusing?

"It's kind of… sexy." He says, flooring me even more.

I feel myself blush.

"Don't do that." He whispers, and I realize I'm biting my lip.

I watch him as he moves toward me, each stride long and graceful, his eyes almost predatory, like a lion stalking a gazelle.

"What are you doing?" I ask through ragged breaths as he brings his hand up toward my throat.

He pauses, staring into my eyes as a slow smile creeps over his features.

"Lint." He says softly, picking what I'm sure is a non-existent piece of fluff from the shoulder of my grey knit sweater. "How about that dinner?" He says, his voice back to normal as he turns away and walks back into the kitchen.

I sigh. I feel disappointed, but I don't know why, or perhaps I'm just refusing to know.

"I said I wasn't hungry." I challenge, sitting down at the bar.

"When you're in my home, you eat dinner at dinner time." He says, his voice low and menacing.

"I'm not your sub." I state flatly, toying with the placemat he puts down in front of me.

He freezes, and his brow creases.

"Why are you being so stubborn?" He asks, as if he's shocked. "It's like you're saying no just because it's against what I'm offering. You're biting off your nose just to spite your damn face."

I blush. I guess I am doing that. I just want him to realize that I'm my own person. I've grown up and become a self-reliant, independent woman.

"Sorry." I say, feeling guilty.

"Me too." He says, placing a plate of reheated mac and cheese down in front of me. "You know how I feel about food, Ana. I'm not doing it to be an asshole. Please, just eat."

"Christian, I've barely been on solid foods for a day. This is too much. I don't feel hungry." I explain, wondering why we don't just say what we're thinking and feeling out loud more often.

Communication. I scoff at internally at myself. That would have saved us a whole world of trouble.

"Eat slowly. I'll get you one of those meal supplement shakes my mother recommended." He says softly, walking over to the fridge and poking his head inside. "Chocolate or Vanilla?"

I smirk.

"Chocolate. I could use a little flavour in my life." I reply in a completely unintentionally flirty tone.

It's the truth though. It's been over a year since I've had any kind of sexual relationship or felt truly desired. Even longer since I had anything exciting happen in that department either. Not that my sexual relationship with Jose wasn't satisfying; he got the job done, but he's old fashioned and liked to stick to the plain mechanics of love making.

.

"_Do you think we could… try something?" I ask nervously, kneeling on the edge of the bed in a pair of black panties and a lacy black bra._

"_Try what?" He asks, pulling off his shirt._

_I grin, taking his hands and pulling him toward me. I place a gentle kiss on his lips, tugging the lower one with my teeth. He groans. I've got him where I want him. I move off of the bed, and gesture for him to sit. He does, eyeing me warily. _

"_What are we doing, Ana?" He asks, his voice thick and husky. _

"_Playing." I say back, and I feel myself flush slightly, but I refuse to back down. _

_I pick up the chair in the corner of the room, bringing it over and placing it next to the bed before grabbing the arm rests and bending over, my bottom aiming directly at Jose. _

_I bite my lip nervously, wondering what he's thinking._

"_Are you saying… you want me to… Ana, what the hell is this?" He asks. _

"_Can you see it?" I ask, wondering if the words are distorted when the underwear is on. _

"_I can see it just fine!" He says, sounding offended. "Spank you? Seriously, Ana, what kind of disgusting joke is this?" He asks, standing up off the bed and walking into the bathroom. _

_I sigh, taking the underwear off and quickly grabbing the handcuffs I stashed under the pillow. I stuff them into the back of my top drawer and pull on a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants._

_So much for date night._

_.  
_

"Hello? Earth to Ana."

I glance up; Christian is staring into my eyes and smirking.

"Where'd you go?" He asks, placing the shake down in front of me.

"Nowhere that I'd like to revisit anytime soon." I mumble around the rim of the can before taking a sip.

"The plane?" He asks, his face etched with worry.

"No." I laugh, shaking my head. "It's not important."

"If it's bothering you, it's important." He says, sitting next to me.

I take a deep breath as his closeness overwhelms my senses. He smells so good.

"I feel it too." He says softly, raising his fork to his mouth.

I blush, trying to hide my smile.

…

* * *

I mumble to myself as something rouses me from my sleep. What is that? I sit up, realizing someone is knocking on my bedroom door.

"Go back to bed, CJ." I shout sleepily, but she knocks again.

Since when does she knock? I usually wake up to find her sleeping in the bed next to me. I throw the covers back and pad across the floor, pulling the door open.

"Hi." She says, standing there in the dark hallway in a pair of shorts and a thin camisole, her hair disheveled as if she's spent the last few hours rolling around restlessly.

"Hi." I finally find my voice, dragging my eyes away from her shapely body and staring into her eyes. "You okay?" I ask, wondering why she's waking me up at three in the morning.

She doesn't speak. She hauls her body against my chest, pressing her lips against mine as her fingers tangle in my hair. I'm stunned for a moment before I snake my arms around her body and pull her into my room, kicking the door closed behind us.

…


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Guess who's getting a chapter earlier than they thought?

**YOU ARE! **

Remember, when reading this, that every journey of a 1000 miles, must first begin with one step. ;)

I think it's so funny that a lot of you were wondering if the last scene was a dream. Am I really that cruel? Gosh!

***** KLEENEX & PARENTAL ADVISORY *****

FYI: I forgot to mention, the song they're talking about in the last chapter is Where I Stood by Missy Higgins. I wish this was a movie, because I have song to relate to basically EVERY scene I've written so far! Awwkwaaardd!

The book in this part is Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss.

***CHAPTER 12 WILL BE POSTED ON SUNDAY NIGHT (around 10 or 11 EST) ***

**Chapter 11:**

I press my hand into her lower back, holding her hips against mine as we stumble toward my bed. She feels so soft, smells so perfect, as our lips move together.

My hand slips under her shirt, and I revel in the feel of her silky skin. It's intoxicating, and she's overwhelming every one of my senses.

She moans as I move my mouth to her throat and grind my hardness into her cotton-clad hip. I feel her hands on the hem of my t-shirt, but she hesitates and moves them to my hair again.

"It's okay." I mumble against her skin as I move lower to her chest. "Take it off."

I glance up and see her burning blue eyes watching me with question.

"Touch me, Ana." I whisper, sitting up just enough to pull my shirt over my head.

I stiffen slightly when her warm hands come into contact with my skin, but it feels so perfect, so right. Her hands belong on my body.

She gasps and whimpers, her hands moving to my back as I move lower still, tugging a nipple between my lips. I let my hand slid down her stomach, over the smooth curves of her hip and under the waistband of her shorts. I stop, leaning back and looking into her eyes again.

"Do you want this? Do you want me to make love to you?" I ask, searching for any sign of doubt she might have.

"No." she whispers, and I start to pull away. "I want you to fuck me. Hard." She continues, her breathing uneven and her eyes clouded over with lust.

I groan, capturing her mouth as my fingers dip into her. She's ready, and I've been dying to have this back in my life for the past five years.

She pushes my cotton pants down my hips, and I kick them off, pulling her shorts off as I move.

I kiss her again and reach over to the bedside table, pulling the drawer open and digging through it. She shifts, sitting up slightly.

"What are you doing?" She asks, her voice raw with need.

"Looking for some condoms." I explain, pushing some papers aside.

"Oh, Christian, I don't have any—I mean, I'm… clean…" She says, sounding awkwardly shy.

"I'm sure you are, but I don't want to get you pre—"

I freeze, cutting myself off as she tenses beneath me.

"That's not actually a problem." She says, sounding as if she's covering her pain with a snarky tone.

"Christ, Ana, I… I'm sorry, baby." I say. I feel fucking terrible. I can't believe I just said that.

I push the drawer closed and move off of her body, lying next to her.

"It's fine." She whispers, and I know it's not.

"I just thought I should be cautious. The last woman I had unprotected sex with ended having my baby." I say, trying to lighten the mood.

"What a slut." She says, her voice laced with a slight humour.

I roll onto my side and grab her face in my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes.

"If you, or anyone else for that matter, EVER say something like that again…" I warn, glaring into her face and forcing her to hear my words.

She smiles slowly, and I can see unshed tears forming behind her eyes.

"Can we just… lay here?" She asks, smiling awkwardly, and I nod silently, draping my arm over her waist and resting my cheek on her shoulder.

I'm just glad to have her back in my life, in my bed. I'm satisfied with lying here, listening to her breathing, feeling her warm skin against mine.

…

* * *

"So what did they say?" He asks, and I laugh.

"I ordered them on the internet. I thought it would be a cute ice breaker!" I exclaim, turning on the plush pillow to stare at his grinning face.

"What did the panties say, Anastasia?" He asks, sounding like the seasoned dom that he is.

"They said… 'it ain't gonna spank itself' on the butt." I say reluctantly, watching his expression, gauging his response.

His face is serious for a moment and then it cracks into his full blown, megawatt, Christian Grey: Heart Throb, smile. I pull the duvet up over my face, hiding under the safety of the covers.

"Stop laughing at me!" I say, though I'm sure my voice is muffled.

"I'm not laughing." He says, and I can hear the humour in his voice.

"Christian!" I whine, peeking out from under the duvet to look at the smirk I know he's wearing.

"What about the hand cuffs?" He asks, and I blush even more.

"I, uh, I didn't know what to do with them, so I ran them through the dishwasher and stuffed them into a box of clothes my mother was donating to the church." I say, and I'm sure I'm rivaling a tomato.

He laughs out loud, and it's a full blown, deep in the belly roar.

"The pastor was probably rightfully shocked." He says between laughs, and, I shake my head as a fit of giggles envelop me.

Our conversation flows from one to another easily. I commented on his new artwork, and he blushed. I love seeing him this way.

"The foyer looks wonderful as well." I point out.

He looks questioningly at me, and I smile.

"The Madonnas are gone." I hint, reminding him of the enlarged, black and white photos of him and CJ goofing around that are now hanging in their place.

"Can we discuss the elephant in the room?" He asks a while later, and I know we still really need to talk about what happened.

We both have been working with bits and pieces of the truth, and we've been able to forgive each other, but he's obviously thinking the same thing that I am.

"Are you calling me fat?" I ask, nudging his arm playfully.

"I prefer you with this little bit of… plump." He says, stroking my still flat belly. "I don't like it when you look starved. You know that."

I smile tenderly at him.

"So the elephant." I say, bringing it back up, so he doesn't think I'm avoiding it.

"Yes." He agrees, rolling onto his side and facing me. I follow suit, resting my head on my elbow.

"You first." He says, but I feel nervous.

"Age before beauty." I grin, and he rolls his eyes.

"Did you really just do that?" I ask, and he smirks, daring me to challenge him.

"All right." He says, taking a deep breath. "That night at the gallery, after I decked Kavanaugh, I spoke to Elena. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know if he'd press charges. I was unstable, not in the right mind after that. I couldn't figure out what happened to me…"

I listen, enraptured and angry as he tells me all of the things Elena did and said to him. How she used his dark past against him and toyed with his emotions.

I tell him what happened on my side, and he seems furious, standing up and pacing the bedroom, running his hands through his hair.

"This is why I told you from day one that you should run far away from me. You shouldn't have gone through that. My past shouldn't ruin your life. It's already ruined mine." He says, and I crawl across the bed, still wrapped in only the duvet, and reach for his hand.

"We're moving past this, Christian." I say, running my hands up his well-defined biceps. "We can't take back what we've lost, but we can make sure that CJ doesn't lose anything else." I assure him. "Holding a grudge against Elena, letting her continue to torture us, even now that she's out of our lives, it's like giving her rent-free space in our minds."

…

* * *

I love this. We're lying in my bed, laughing, joking, catching up on the past five years, sharing soft kisses and caresses. It makes me jealous that she was with Rodriguez, but I feel so much better knowing that he couldn't give her what she really wanted: me.

This is where we belong, where we've belonged all along.

I yawn, glancing at the clock, and realize that we've been lying this way, naked and chatting, for the past three hours.

"Where are you going?" She asks as I climb out of the bed.

"Stay." I warn, pointing at her.

"Am I a dog?" She asks, looking indignant.

I walk around to her side of the bed and lean over, pressing my lips roughly against hers.

"Stay, _please_." I say, and she seems appeased.

…

* * *

I watch him reenter the room a half hour later carrying a tray with a covered plate.

"Breakfast in bed." He says, placing the tray on my lap and lifting the lid with a flourish to reveal two slices of toast.

I try to hide my giggle, but it escapes in the form of a hiccup, and he looks wounded.

"Everything else is burnt." He says, with a shrug.

"It looks delicious." I say, picking up a piece of the toast and crunching into it before holding it out to him.

He groans and leans in, taking a bite, his eyes raw and intense as they stare directly into mine. I smile at him. Last night… this morning, was really nice. It was a side of Christian I've never seen. He was so open and talkative, telling me all about the last month he's spent getting to know CJ. I laughed hysterically, which I haven't done in ages, when he told me about the puppy incident and the naming fiasco.

…

"Oh, sweetheart, here's your flight information." My mother says, reaching into her purse and handing the information and ticket to me.

"Flight information?" Christian asks, coming out of the kitchen and gazing questioningly at me.

"Her plane ticket." My mother clarifies. "To go home."

"To Georgia?" He asks, his eyes wide and fearful.

"Of course. That's where we live." She laughs, and I glare at her.

"We'll talk about all the details later, Christian." I assure him, wanting him to know I'm not going to keep CJ from him.

"No. Now." He says forcefully. "My office."

He sounds like a caveman, and roll my eyes as I follow him in and close the door behind me.

"When were you going to tell me you were leaving?" He asks, crossing his arms.

"Christian, I thought you knew." I say, shocked by his outburst.

"But last night …" He starts, running a hand through his hair.

"Last night was nice, but it just, Christian, it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have come to you like that." I say, feeling guilty.

"So you don't love me?" He asks, staring coldly into my eyes.

"Of course I love you!" I shout. "How could you think otherwise after last night?" I ask, stepping toward him. "We just… we can't be together. Not right now. Too much has happened. We're different people. Besides, my whole life is in Georgia, my job, my home, CJ's school and her friends, my friends…"

"Jamie." He says, and it's almost a growl.

"This isn't about Jamie or anyone else. This is about me. I can't just pick up my whole life and move here because we had one night of open conversation." I defend.

"What about CJ? When will I see her again?" He asks, and I can tell he's afraid.

"She is your daughter, and nobody will ever take her from you again." I assure him, placing my hands on his folding arms. "As soon as we get home, we'll talk and arrange a schedule for her to come visit and you can come visit. We'll make it work for you guys."

"I can't lose her. She's everything." He whispers.

"She's pretty great, isn't she?"

"The best." He agrees. "Don't go."

"I have to." I say in a nearly inaudible voice.

"When do you leave?" He asks, closing his eyes as if he's bracing himself for a blow.

"Tomorrow." I say softly, willing him to open his eyes and look at me.

"Fine. I'll have you flown home on the company jet." He says, sounding all CEO.

"It's fine, Christian. We have tickets already." I assure him, but he looks at me with disdain.

"The last time you flew on a commercial plane you ended up on your death bed. This is non-negotiable."

I roll my eyes. There's no point in arguing with him. Besides, he's already on his phone making the arrangements, and if I'm being honest, I've been a little wary about flying. Being on his company jet will definitely provide some ease of conscience.

…

"Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to great places. You're off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." Christian reads as I stand unnoticed in the dark hallway outside CJ's open bedroom door.

"You're on your own, and you know what you know, and you are the guy who decides where to go." CJ picks up, reciting the next line.

"You will look up and down streets, look 'em over with care. About some you will say, I don't choose to go there." Christian reads again.

I can't help but smile as I listen to them go back and forth. I've never read this to her, so I assume it's something he's read enough that she remembers vividly.

"Wherever you go, you'll be the best of the best. Wherever you fly, you will top all the rest!" CJ says excitedly.

"Except when you don't." Christian says, and they both laugh.

"Because sometimes you won't." CJ replies back.

"I'm sorry to say so, but sadly it's true, that bang ups and hang ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickly perch, and your gang will fly on; you'll be left in a lurch." Christian says, sounding melancholy.

"All alone, whether you like it or not, alone will be something you will be quite a lot." CJ says, and I can hear her sigh heavily.

I listen a while longer as they continue reading, though I feel like I'm invading their privacy.

"You're off to great places; today is YOUR day! Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!" Christian says.

"I don't wanna go." CJ says softly.

"I don't want you to go, but sometimes we just have to do things that we don't want to do." Christian replies.

"When will I see you again?" She asks.

My eyes begin to water, as I tiptoe away, heading back through the great room to the kitchen. I open a chocolate shake and chug it back too quickly.

"Is there liquor in that, or do you just love chocolate?"

I put the can down, wiping my lip, and shrug. Frankly, I wish there had been liquor in it. It might have helped.

"You're really good with her." I say, walking toward him.

"She means everything to me." He says softly. "You both do."

I want to hug him, to feel his body against mine, his arms around me, but I don't want to confuse our relationship anymore than it already is.

"My life has been on hold for the last month. I lost an entire month of my life. It's so appalling to me that all this time has passed, and I spent it asleep in a hospital. I'm so afraid of what I'll find when I get home." I confess.

"Probably a hell of a lot of cob webs." He points out, and I'm grateful for him being light about it right now.

"Probably." I agree. "I just feel like I missed so much, like I lost so much."

"I know how you feel." He replies, his brow furrowing.

"Christian, I just want you to know how much it means to me that, despite whatever happened, you stepped up. You took care of her." I say, stepping even closer to him.

"She's my daughter." He replies simply, as if that's all the explanation needed.

And it is.

...

"This is for you." Christian says after he buckles CJ into her seat on his company jet. "Don't open it until you get home."

CJ nods, and he kisses her head.

"You can call me anytime you want. Day or night. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing. You're number one." He tells her, closing his eyes for a moment. "I love you."

"I love you, Daddy." She says back.

"Take good care of Princess Buttercup. You know she likes the soft food, not the hard stuff. I put her pink sweater in your carry on, in case she gets chilly." He says, and I realize he's micro-managing in order to hide his emotions.

"Okay." CJ nods, her voice and expression both very serious. "Tell Wesley we love him, and we will see him soon."

"I will." He promises, nodding firmly before glancing over at me. "Please rethink the security detail." He asks.

"Christian…" I warn.

We'd spent the entire night arguing about this. I don't want her standing out at school anymore than she already does. We live in a perfectly safe neighbourhood. She doesn't need four security guards following her around.

He finally agreed, but he was so reluctant. I think he was just trying to prove that he could make compromises for me. I'm glad. It's a step in the right direction.

"Call me as soon as you get home." He says crouching to check my seatbelt. He glances at his watch and thinks for a moment. "It's 9am here, you should be home between 4:30 and 5:00pm Georgia time."

I nod, letting him micro-manage this if it helps him. He glances around the plane. My parents are chatting with each other, and CJ is looking at a book.

"I love you." He whispers at an almost inaudible level as he leans in close and brushes his lips across mine.

"OOOOOOH! MOMMY AND DADDY SITTING IN A TREE…" CJ sings.

I know she's done because she can never get the next part correct, but nevertheless, it draws my parents' attention toward us. I blush, and they both smile knowingly at me.

"Laters, baby." He says softly before standing up, bidding farewell to my parents, giving one last check in with the pilot and disappearing off of the plane.

…

"Can I open it now?!" CJ asks for the millionth time since we landed.

I sigh, carrying her dog and her backpack in the door and putting them both down.

"Go ahead." I say, walking through and turning on the lights. "Is this thing litter box trained or something?" I ask, glancing at the dog as she sniffs around her new territory.

"She's not a cat." CJ points out, rolling her eyes at me and grinning.

"Oh, my apologies, madam." I reply. "So what did you get?" I ask, opening the living room window to air out the house.

"I dunno. A little tv?" She says, handing me the newest iPad tablet.

"You gotta be kidding me." I groan, turning it on.

It begins ringing immediately, and a photo of Christian and CJ pops up on the screen under the word DADDY.

I press the answer button and hand it back to CJ.

"Daddy!" She squeals.

"Hey, Princess!" He says back. "How was your flight?"

I smile, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. At least they'll get to sort of see each other every day.

…

* * *

"Would you like something for dinner, sir?" Gail asks, but I shrug, slumping onto the sofa.

I feel miserable and lonely and lost. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I glance over and see Wesley on the couch. The stubborn dog just doesn't understand that he's not allowed on the furniture. He whimpers, eyeing me warily. I pat the seat beside me, and he scrambles over, climbing into my lap.

"I miss them too." I mumble, scratching his head. He groans, shifting his chubby body around more comfortably on my legs.

…

As I climb into my empty bed, I feel even worse. How can I miss her this much? I've only just met her. I stand back up, staring at the empty space and wander down the hall to CJ's bedroom.

"Move over, boy." I say, shoving the dog over to one side of the bed and sitting down on the edge.

I look around at all her books and toys and fluffy pink things. There was a time when I'd have beaten the shit out of someone for ever suggesting that these things would have pride of place in my home, but now, they look like they belong here. They do belong here.

I pick up the last book we read together. It's still sitting on her bedside table. I lean back onto her pillows and open it.

"Congratulations. Today is your day. You're off to great places. You're off and away." I read softly to myself.

…

* * *

"I'm scared." She whispers to me as we stand in the school yard, waiting for the bell to ring.

"You'll be okay." I assure her, stroking her hair.

"I miss daddy." She says, and my heart breaks.

They've spoken every morning when she woke up and every night before bed since we got home two weeks ago. We've even made plans for him to come visit soon, so we can work out a visitation schedule. We both decided against lawyers and courts. We didn't feel it was necessary for our situation, and I'm grateful because I could never afford any kind of attorney that would rival Carrick and Christian's team.

"Can't we stay home one more day?" She begs, but I shake my head.

"I have to go to my first day back at work." I explain.

"Jill can watch me." She suggests, but I shake my head again.

Ever since the accident, Jill hasn't been the same. She's been living with her parents in Atlanta.

CJ sighs as the bell rings, and I watch her wander slowly into the classroom. I was here yesterday to speak to her teacher about her return, and they were more than excited to have her coming back.

"Anastasia!" I hear, and I roll my eyes, turning around to face the bitch brigade behind me.

"Cheyenne, Dakota." I greet the two blonde bombshell beauty pageant alumnae.

"A little birdie told us you would be bringing little Christian back to school today!" Cheyenne gushes, waving her fake-nailed finger in my face. "How are you? That must have been torture, being in a coma for so long."

"I'm sure it was, but I was asleep, so I didn't really notice." I say, plastering a fake smile on.

They laugh uncomfortably, and I roll my eyes, praying this conversation will end soon.

"My cousin, Hilly, she's lives out in Washington. She's doing the college thing, you know how that is. She sent me an article about _the_ Christian Grey having a little girl nobody knew about, but I bet you did, you sneaky little minx!" She says. "Why didn't you mention that little Christian was one of THOSE Greys!?"

"Because it doesn't actually matter!" I say in a gushy tone, mocking her.

"Well, you know the school is aching for a new library, and the music department is just suffering miserably with those ancient instruments. You and Mr. Grey should come out to a PTA meeting sometime! We would just adore your input!" Dakota says.

"You would? Is that before, or after, you called me dime-store whore and told everyone I moved out here because I had no idea who my child's father was?" I snap.

"Well, you know, the statement Mr. Grey released says that he sent his WIFE and child to live out of state in order to keep them safe and maintain his family's privacy." Cheyenne says. "I don't see a ring on that finger, and weren't you engaged to that squirrelly Mexican boy?"

"Jose is from Spain." I point out lividly. "And my family's life is none of your concern."

I can hear them whispering about me as I walk away, but I don't look back. I have no need to. They just aren't worth it.

…

As I enter the front lobby of my office, I notice that the place is eerily quiet and wonder where everyone is.

"SURPRISE!" My bosses, colleagues and assistants jump out, greeting me with a cake and large banner reading 'Welcome Back!'

I cover my heart with my hand, completely shocked by this welcome party.

"Welcome back, Ana." My boss, Jenna, says.

A parade of people greet me, some with gifts, others with hugs, before I finally make it to my office. I sit down, relieved to be off of my feet. I've been working with a physical therapist to regain more of my strength, but it's very slow going.

"Welcome back."

I freeze. His voice is soft and coming from behind me with just a hint of southern charm. He's lived here all his life, it's a surprise his accent isn't thicker.

"Jamie!" I exclaim, standing up again and wrapping him in a hug.

He lifts me up slightly by my waist and twirls around before setting me back down.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, giving me an appraising once over.

"I'm getting there." I admit shyly.

"You look good." He says, brushing a stray hair out of my face.

"Thanks." I reply, smiling sweetly.

"You think I can take you on a welcome back date sometime?" He asks, his eyes lighting up.

"My life is really…. Confusing and hectic right now, Jamie. I don't want to lead you on or let you think that we can be more than friends." I confess softly.

"That's why it'll be purely platonic." He says again, grinning at me.

"Just friends?" I ask, and he nods. "Fine. Let me arrange for CJ to stay at my parents' tomorrow evening. You can pick me up at seven."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll let you get back to work. This place hasn't been the same without out. That interim editor just wasn't cutting it." He says, winking at me before heading over to his office.

…

"Mommy, Daddy is on the iPad for you." CJ says, bringing the tablet into my bedroom where I've been reading manuscripts.

"Thank, baby. Go put your pajamas on for me, please." I say, taking the tablet from her hand.

"And Princess Buttercup?"

"Yes, And Princess Buttercup." I answer as she heads out, closing my door behind her.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask, leaning back against my pillows.

"I just wanted to see how your first day back went." He replies. I think he's in his bed too; he seems to be leaning back, his unruly hair flopping forward.

"It wasn't so bad. I'm beat. I've been in bed for an hour." I laugh.

"Take it slow. Don't over exert yourself." He lectures.

"I know." I say back, wondering if he really thinks I'm unable to admit when I've gone too far.

"Why are you holding the tablet so high?"He asks, furrowing his brow.

"I'm not, it's at eye level." I say, glancing at the small box in the corner of the screen that shows my side of the camera.

"It looks really high. I can't even see the lower half of your face." He says, shaking his head.

"I can see my whole face and shoulders." I tell him, squinting at the small image again.

"That's weird. Try lowering it a bit." He suggests, and I do, watching the little screen.

"Is it working?" I ask, trying to see the tiny corner image again.

"Almost, little lower." He says, I lower it some more, aiming it to the point where I'm nearly unable to see the screen at all at this angle. "Perfect. Working from home has perks, like sitting around in a bra."

I gasp, angling the tablet back up and glaring into the camera.

"Christian Grey! You are a PIG!" I scold, trying to hide my smile.

"I know, but I can't help myself when it comes to you." He says softly. "Lose the bra."

"I have work to do." I warn, raising a brow at him.

"Me too, but I miss you." He says, and I see him shift, laying deeper into his pillows.

I lay further back too, angling the table so he has just a hint of cleavage in the lower part of the screen.

"I need you." He whispers, and I flush. I need him too.

"Me too." I whisper hesitantly. I don't want to move this too fast.

We've been talking and getting along really well lately. He's becoming one of my best friends, and I don't want to complicate our situation any further.

"Lose the bra." He says again, his voice low and husky.

"Christian!" I groan, though I'm tempted.

"Don't make me beg." He warns, and I giggle.

"Since when does Christian Grey beg for something like this?" I ask, raising a brow at him. He grins at me, and it's his sweet boyish, carefree grin.

"Fine…" I say, sitting forward slightly and reaching behind me to unhook it with one hand.

"Mommy! I'm ready for bed!" CJ says, bursting into the bedroom before I even have the clasp open.

"Okay!" I shout, giving Christian an apologetic smile and shrugging. "Come say goodnight to your daddy."

Once CJ is tucked into bed, I wander back into my bedroom and pick up my phone. I have a text from Christian. I blush, smiling and open it, wondering what perverse thing he has to say now.

*** DON'T TELL HER WHEN I'M COMING.  
WANT TO SURPRISE HER  
LATERS, BABY ***

I frown. It's not exactly the naughty text I was hoping for, but it'll do.

***YES, SIR.***

I reply, giggling at myself as I pick up the manuscript I'm reading.

…

A/N: I know some of you have been requesting a big heartfelt conversation, but we all know what happened, so I thought it would be too repetitive to have all of that dialogue exchanged. I hope you're as satisfied with the scene as I am.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N:

Kleenex advisory here. This is my introduction to CJ's POV! :O… also, the end of this chapter was supposed to include some updates and shed light on Kate & Elliott's situation, but it was getting too long, so that has been moved to chapter 13.

So I wrote almost the entire chapter 13 while being grumpy, and when I read it this morning, I hated it. It was way too angry and awful. I'm about 5 pages inttether rewrite, so expect it by Wednesday night. (I'll aim for Tuesday night though)

**Chapter 12:**

"Hey look! It's the bastard!" I hear them yell, as I make my way across the tire bridge on the playground.

I try to go faster and get away from them, but my cast is still on, and I can't hold on so tight.

"Where you going, bastard?" Jackson asks, standing on the hanging tire in front of me.

"Over there." I say, hoping he'll move.

"I don't think so. That side of the playground is for kids with Dad's only. You have to turn back." He says.

_Why is he so mean!?_

"I have a daddy!" I shout back trying to push past him.

"No you don't. You're a stupid little orphan with a whore mom." Toby says.

I look over my shoulder, and he's standing on the tire behind me.

"Leave me alone!" I shout at them, hoping the playground supervisor will notice, but she's too busy chatting with one of the parents near the soccer field.

"Sorry, you have to stay there on that tire. Everywhere else is for kids who aren't stupid little bastards." Jackson says.

I want to cry, but mommy always says that only gives them more power. Instead, I sit down on the tire and slowly climb down, using the other tires and my good arm to balance. I can't wait to get this stinky cast off tomorrow. It itches and it smells funny and it gets in my way!

I grin up at the boys, proud of myself for outsmarting them, but they jump down and stand around me.

"You think you can just walk away, bastard?" Toby asks, shoving my shoulder.

"You leave when we tell you to leave." Jackson says, yanking on one of my braids.

I start to cry. I can't keep it in anymore. I want to go home. I want to go back to Saddle and live with Daddy and let Sawyer play with me on the playground. He doesn't come to school with me anymore. I bet he would shoot Jackson and Toby. He has a gun. I saw it once.

"What a cry baby!" Toby shouts, shoving me again.

"Stop it!" I cry.

I just want my daddy. Where is Daddy?! He promised to beat them up if they hurt me again.

"Daddy!" I cry. "I want my daddy."

"You don't have a daddy!" Jackson says again. "What does an orphan do on father's day?"

Toby is laughing, everything sounds cloudy, and I can't stop crying.

"Push her!"

I cry louder when my bottom hits the hard black top. It hurts. I just wanna go home!

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you little asshole!?"

I look up, but it's too sunny and my eyes are all icky.

"How the fuck do you like it?!"

I wipe my eyes and watch Toby fall onto the blacktop on his bottom too.

"Come here, baby." He says, picking me up.

"Daddy?!"

"Let's go. You're done with this fucking place."

"You're very sweary." I say, wiping my nose on his shirt.

He won't mind. I think.

…

* * *

"I thought you weren't coming until the day after tomorrow?" I mutter, while Christian and I wait with CJ in the hard plastic chairs outside the principal's office.

"It's a good thing I did come. Who knows what those little fuckers would have done to my baby?" He snaps back, rubbing CJ's back.

"You assaulted a ten year old." I snap back, though I'm secretely glad he did.

I've been in the principal's office at least once a week since the first day of school to tell her about these boys picking on CJ, but they receive such minor punishments from the school, and none at all from their parents, that the issue continues. Maybe now they'll think twice about bothering her. Christian, however, has already contacted his father about what happened to warn him that this may become a problem.

"He deserved it." He mumbles back.

"Mr. Grey, Miss Steele." The principal says, calling us into the office.

We sit down in the hot seats in front of her desk as she appraises us.

"I'm glad to see you well again, Miss Steele. We've all been keeping you and Christian in our thoughts." She says, giving me a tight smile before turning to Christian. "Mr. Grey." She says curtly. "I'm sure you're used to getting your way, what with the wealth and the, obvious charm," She says, giving him a once over. "But that doesn't fly with me. That boy's parents are furious. They were talking about calling the police, possibly suing you."

Christian smirk, and I elbow him.

"I'm so glad you find this amusing, Mr. Grey." She says, glaring at him over her glasses.

"What will it take to make this go away?" Christian says, winking at me before turning back to the principal.

"I beg your pardon?" She asks, glancing to me briefly before turning back to Christian.

"How much? How big of a donation to this little culvert of a school will it take to make this little issue disappear?" He asks, putting CJ on the chair next to him and pulling his checkbook out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

"Mr. Grey, have you ever encountered a problem that you didn't hide under a pile of money?" She asks, and I roll my eyes. She knows him so well.

"A man like me doesn't have problems, Miss…" He glances at her name plate, "Kennard. I have minor setbacks. Now, please, name your price, because I'm a very busy man."

"Christian." I whisper harshly.

"I will speak with the boy's parents, and see what they're intended to do about this. I suggest you make haste to apologize."Miss Kennard suggests, dismissing us from her office.

"You know what, lady?" Christian says, standing up and towering over her desk. "You motherfuckers let those little asshole pick on my daughter every day. You fucking assholes don't do a goddamn thing to stop it, to protect her. You tell those stupid fucks to contact my lawyer." He says, reaching into his pocket and handing Miss Kennard, what I'm sure is, Carrick's business card. "CJ won't be coming back to your fucked up excuse for an educational establishment."

I'm shocked, frozen on my feet as he picks CJ up in one arm, and presses his hand against my lower back, ushering me out of the office in front of him.

I don't glance back at Miss Kennard. Frankly, I'm terrified about what I might see on her face.

…

* * *

"He was a big ten year old, Ana." I say for the millionth time as we walk out to the car. Taylor is still sitting in the Audi we rented upon landing earlier today.

"I'm parked over here." She says, pointing her remote and unlocking a white Equinox three rows away.

"That's what you drive?" I ask, appalled that she chose a less superior brand of vehicle to drive my child around.

"What's wrong with my car?" She asks, sounding offended.

"Nothing. Taylor will follow us back to your place in that thing, we'll ride in this." I decide, reaching for her keys as Taylor steps out of the rental.

"No." She says, pulling her keys out of my reach. "I will drive my own damn car!" She continues, nearly shouting at me and stomping her high-heeled shoe once on ground.

I smirk. This is the lobby in my office building all over again.

"Anastasia, give me the keys." I say in a low voice, stepping toward her.

"No." She mouths at me, glaring into my eyes.

"If you're gonna stay at OUR house, you have to follow Mommy's rules." CJ says, and I watch a slow smile spread across Ana's face.

"You can take CJ in your car if you'd like. Do you need her seat or did you bring one?" She asks, crossing her arms.

_Shit. I knew there was something I forgot._

"I will need to borrow the one in your car." I say calmly, and she smirks, leading the way.

I watch her walk from behind as I follow her. She's limping slightly, and it concerns me.

"Are you all right to drive?" I ask, opening her backseat door and unhooking the child seat.

"I'm fine." She moans, glaring at me.

"You're limping." I point out.

"Stop staring at my ass, and maybe you won't notice as much." She says, opening her door and climbing in.

"I'll never stop staring at your ass." I say, smirking as I place CJ's seat on the ground and lean into her car, pulling her seatbelt around her and fastening it.

I can feel her chest slowly heaving against me as I slowly pull out from in front of her. Her face is flushed, and she's watching me through hooded eyes.

"Stop looking at me with all that pent up sexual frustration, and I'll stop looking at your ass." I say, leaning in closer. "I'm going to kiss you." I warn her.

"Please, don't." She whispers, though her expression is leading me to believe she's thinking the exact opposite of don't.

"You sure?" I ask, my mouth dancing just inches from hers.

"I can't do this, Christian." She whispers, biting her lip.

"Don't bite your lip." I warn her. My voice sounds husky and seductive even to me.

She sighs, releasing her lower lip from its trap between her teeth and leans back as deep into her seat, and away from my lips, as she can.

"Follow me." She says.

"Into the fiery pits of hell, baby." I say, grinning at her.

"How about just to my house?" She suggest, and I shrug. "Unless your stalky tendencies have led you to discover my address through means of Welch?" She asks.

I grin. She knows me too well, but I don't let her have this point.

"Nope. Turning a new leaf. Lead us home."

She raises a skeptical eyebrow, and I wonder if I'm busted.

"I'm impressed, Grey. I'm glad to see you letting lose. Letting other people take charge once in a while." She says, and I almost feel guilty about caving in and hiring two security guards to watch from a far. They start tomorrow, but I figure it's better if she doesn't know, if she still believes that she won that argument.

…

* * *

"This is it." I say, opening the door for Christian, Taylor, CJ, and Wesley to enter the house.

Princess Buttercup greets us with a barrage of yappy barking, and I roll my eyes. My vicious guard dog. She stops as soon as she sees Wesley, and he follows her into the house and over to her bed in the corner of the living room.

"Look, they missed each other too!" CJ exclaims as they both curl up on the plushy, pink cushion.

I smile, dropping my purse on the counter and kicking off my heels.

"Uhm, I wasn't expecting you guys tonight, so let me just go make up the guest rooms." I say awkwardly, realizing how quaint my house is compared to Escala.

"Ana, you need to rest." Christian scolds, but I wave him off. "Have a seat. Make yourself at home." I say, wandering up the stairs.

I glance in the linen closet, wondering if I even have clean sheets to put on the damn beds. I haven't had guests stay over in ages. I'm pretty sure the last person to stay in the room at the top of the stairs was Jose.

"Mommy! What's for dinner!?" CJ yells, and I roll my eyes. She waits until I'm upstairs to ask?

"I'll look in a minute, CJ!" I call back down, pulling out the last two sets of clean sheets and carrying them into the first bedroom.

When I get back downstairs, Taylor is standing awkwardly in the doorway and Christian is sitting awkwardly on my cheap leather sofa.

"Taylor, sit down. You don't work here. Enjoy yourself. Kick off your shoes. Let me get you a beer." I say, grinning at him and watching as he fights his own smile.

I open the fridge and pull out two beers, handing one to a reluctant Taylor and the other to Christian.

"Christian." I say, absently as I look at what I have in the freezer to cook. "Take your bag up to your room, please."

When I close the freezer door, and l look into the living room, Christian, the man, and Taylor are staring wide-eyed at me.

I laugh, rolling my eyes at myself.

"I meant CJ, but I can show you where to put your things right now if you'd like." I say, grinning at his shocked expression.

"Can I keep this library book, since I'm not going back to school ever again?" CJ asks, dumping her backpack on the living room floor.

"CJ!" I groan. "I told you take your things upstairs, and we will discuss your school situation later."

I glare at all of the frozen food in my freezer. It's going to take forever to thaw and cook something worth eating.

"How about some Chinese?" I suggest, picking up a flyer from the counter, glad that it came in the newspaper this morning.

"Ana, don't put yourself out for us. You weren't expecting us to arrive today." Christian says, joining me in the kitchen.

"I'm going to buy you dinner tonight, Grey." I say, raising a brow at him.

"Not on your life, little lady." He says in a terrible southern accent. "This is the south. We're gentlemen down here."

I bite my lip, fighting the urge to roll my eyes at him.

…

It's after midnight, and I've been fighting the urge to get up and pee. I'm tired and my body aches, but I desperately need to go.

Throwing my covers back, I stumble through the darkness and open my bedroom door, walking down the hall to the bathroom.

I've almost made it when the door to Christian's bedroom creaks open.

"Hi." He says softly, a small smile playing at his lips.

"Hi." I reply, just as softly. "Is everything okay? Is the room all right?" I ask, wondering if the small quarters are making him claustrophobic.

"It's fine, Ana. Thank you." He says, leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. "Are you all right?"

"Me? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I was just…"I say, pointing to the bathroom door.

"Me too." He says, smirking at me.

"Oh, go ahead." I whisper, gesturing to the door.

"No, ladies first." He says, and I don't have the strength to argue anymore. I did the polite thing. I offered him the chance to go first even though I'm sure I'll wet my pants long before he's done. I nod and quickly close myself in the bathroom, locking the door.

I never lock the door. I don't know why I did just now.

When I finish, I open the door awkwardly, knowing that he's waiting on the other side of it. He smiles, brushing against my body as he enters the bathroom.

I bite my lip, watching him close the door behind him. I start to wander back to my bedroom, but I don't want to.

I want to see him again, just for a moment. This evening, despite his playground scuffle, had been really nice. We put CJ to bed together, watched a movie and laughed with Taylor. He turned in early, though I heard him chatting sweetly to Gail on the phone. I probably should have told him that this is an old house with thin walls.

I'm just not ready to let this perfect evening go. Especially, the part of the conversation we had just before we said goodnight.

I hear the toilet flush, and I lean against the wall, shooting for casual, but I feel incredibly awkward.

He looks surprised when he opens the door to find me still standing in the hallway. I grin and take a step toward him.

"You should be resting, Miss Steele." He scolds softly.

"I'm not sleepy." I mutter like the defiant child.

"Bed." He says more forcefully, pointing to my bedroom.

"Make me." I challenge, narrowing my eyes at him.

As he takes a step toward me, closing the gap between us, I wonder if I really want to do this. Is this wrong? Probably, but if that's the case, why does it feel so right?

"Anastasia," He says, snaking his arms around my waist. "Get back into bed."

I gasp, squeaking in shock when his hand swats my behind, but I don't have time to protest—or ask for another—because his lips are on mine, and he's pressing me into the wall, pinning my body with his.

"What are you doing?" He asks, gasping for air.

"Kissing my boyfriend?" I say, watching his expression.

A slow smile creeps across his face.

"Are you sure? You weren't so sure when I asked you earlier." He reminds me, looking wary.

"I love you, Christian. We need to try." I say softly, ignoring the nagging thought of the distance and the fear of what might happen if we finally take this step.

His lips crash against mine again without another word, and his hands reach behind my thighs, lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and thread my fingers through his hair as he carries me into my bedroom.

…

I wake up to the sun streaming through the blinds. It's still early, but I have to get up for work soon. I sigh with content as I stretch my body, disentangling my naked limps from Christian's. I grab my robe, wrapping my body in it and giving his sleeping form one last glance before stepping out the balcony doors at the far side of my bedroom and curling up into one of the large wooden chairs.

I love this time of the morning. The beach is empty. The water is calm aside from the gentle roll of the waves. It's perfect.

"I thought I lost you."

His gravelly, sleep deprived voice startles me, but I smile. Christian Grey just came out of my bedroom, from my bed where he spent the night.

I tilt my head back, gazing at his beautifully tousled hair, and grin.

"What?" He asks, grinning back.

"Kiss me." I demand.

He narrows his eyes at me and raises a brow.

"Now, or I'll take you over my knee right here on this balcony." I warn, trying desperately to keep a straight face.

His eyes widen as if he's shocked, but his expression changes to something much darker right before my eyes. He yanks me up out of the chair and pushes me up against the wooden rail of the balcony, pressing his hips into mine.

"Don't test me." He warns, the unspoken threat lingering in his words.

"What if I want to?" I ask, defiantly, glaring directly into his lustful grey eyes.

He groans, leaning in to claim my lips. I feel giddy and drunk on his kiss. It's unlike anything I've ever felt.

…

"I have to go to work soon." I groan, making no moves to leave Christian's arms.

"Don't go." He whispers, wrapping his arms around me tighter.

"I have to. I have bills to pay." I reply, rolling out of his arms and standing up. "You and CJ can spend the day together. She loves the beach." I point out, grabbing my robe and wrapping myself in it before making my way out of my bedroom to take a shower.

When I'm finally ready for work, I head downstairs and find Christian, CJ, and Taylor eating cereal for breakfast at my dining room table.

"Okay, I'm out of here." I say, kissing the top of CJ's head.

"You're not going to eat?" Christian asks, getting up from his seat.

"No, I'm fine. I'll grab something at work." I say casually, hoping he'll drop it, and I won't have to admit that I rarely EVER eat breakfast.

"Sit." Christian demands, glaring at me.

"I'm going to be late." I say, standing on my tip-toes and kissing the tip of his nose.

"Oh, uhm, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight. I wasn't expecting you guys…" I say, wondering if dropping the bomb before I leave will give him time to cool off. "I could cancel, but it's kind of my welcome back, glad-you-didn't-die type of dinner."

Christian's face looks pinched, like he's swallowing something terrible.

"Is this a guy friend?" He asks, raising his brow at me.

Damn! He knows!

"Yes, I have both male and female friends." I say, grinning at him.

"No." He says, and I watch Taylor place his dish in the dishwasher and disappear into the backyard.

"Christian, we talked about this last night." I warn. "When you suggested we try again, I said I'd think about it under the conditions that you don't try to be an anal dictator with my life."

"So you're going to take advantage of that agreement by cheating on me?" He asks, crossing his arms.

"Jamie is just a friend!" I exclaim.

"Oh, Jamie? The one who wants to date you? Who you like?" He asks, and I mentally kick myself for revealing that.

"I have to go! We'll talk about this when I get home." I say, storming out of the house before he has a chance to say anything else.

…

* * *

Ana's been upstairs getting dressed for half an hour. Why is she working so hard to look nice for this 'friend'? The doorbell rings and I glance at Taylor before I get up and open the door.

He's young, maybe's Ana's age. He's moderately good looking, but he's so casually dressed, his brown hair short and clean cut. I can see how Ana might find him good looking in an unkempt, rugged, farmboy kind of way.

"Can I help you?" I ask, eyeing him skeptically.

"I'm here to pick up Ana for dinner." He says, grinning at me. Are we friends? Don't fucking grin at me.

"Ana? We don't know anyone by that name. You sure you have the address right?" I ask, noticing the piece of paper with the address jotted down on it.

"Uh, yea, I'm sure this is what she said." He says, shrugging his plaid covered shoulder.

"That's strange. My husband and I don't know anyone named Ana." I say, opening the door slightly so that Jamie can see Taylor.

I grin affectionately at Taylor, and he waves before turning back to the news program he's watching.

"That's so strange. I'm so sorry to both you folks." He says, and I nod, smiling politely as I close the door.

"Is that Jamie?" Ana asks, coming into the living room before I can get the door completely shut.

"Ana?" He asks, and I roll my eyes angrily, opening the door.

"Did you say you were looking for Ana? I swear you asked for Tina." I say, ushering him in to the house.

Ana glares at me; she obviously knows I said something. Jamie eyes me suspiciously for a brief moment before smiling again.

"You must be Christian." He says, extending his hand to me.

I stare at him, eyebrow raised for a long moment before accepting his hand.

"Yes. Anastasia's boyfriend." I point out. I see Ana roll her eyes, watching the exchange.

"Ana told me ya'll just got back together. Congratulations." He says. I'm not completely sure, but he sounds genuine.

"Yes, we did. And if we stand around here chatting any longer, we're going to be late for dinner." Ana says, giving me a hard glare as she walks past me to grab her jacket.

I reach for it, taking it from her hands and helping her into it.

"Do you guys wanna join us?" Jamie asks, and I can see Ana sigh.

"They have plans." She says quickly, and I smirk at her.

"No, we were just going to stay in and watch some television." I reply, looking to Taylor for backup, but he shakes his head, getting off the sofa and leaving the room entirely.

"Well, you're spending the evening with CJ." She points out, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yes. Of course I am, and she's in bed. CJ, our daughter." I say, pointedly to Jamie. "The C stands for Christian. She's named after me." I say, smiling proudly.

"Well, now that we have our daughter's namesake cleared up…" Ana says, pushing Jamie toward the open door. "We're going. I have my phone. You guys have a good night." She says, hurrying out the door.

I move the window, watching this sketchy character climb into the passenger seat of Ana's car. He's letting Ana drive?

"I hope he has a good health insurance policy. She drives like a maniac." I mutter to myself as they pull out of the driveway.

Is that what she really wants, what she's really attracted to? A man who lets her take charge and be the decision maker? He's the complete opposite of me. He didn't even open her door. Has Ana become one of those women who find I offensive to be treated like a lady?

I realize, after a few moments, that I've been staring at the empty driveway for a while now and close the curtains. I wander upstairs, wondering if CJ is still awake. I could read her another story right now if she is. Our interview at Savannah Country Day School isn't until noon, so it won't kill her to stay up and read one more book.

Frankly, I was overjoyed that we were able to find a school just like the one in Seattle.

When I poke my head into CJ's room, she's fast asleep with Wesley and Princess Buttercup sleeping on the foot of her bed. She looks peaceful, but I had actually hoped she wasn't yet asleep. I sigh, closing her bedroom door and wandering down the hall to Ana's room. I hesitate only a second before opening the door. I did spend last night in here, so it's not actually intruding.

I stretch out on the bed, interlocking my fingers behind my head and glancing around her bedroom. Everything is colourful and neat… and homey. She has photos on her dresser that I hadn't noticed last night or this morning. I move from the bed and walk over to look at the photos.

One is of Ana and CJ on, what I assume is, the day CJ was born. Ana looks exhausted and sweaty, but she's smiling and clutching the tiny bundle close to her body. She looks beautiful.

I glance over at another picture of a toothless, grinning CJ, grey eyes shining with wonder and short copper curls sitting atop her head. I can't help but grin back at the toddler in the photo.

I'm distracted by something sticking out of Ana's drawer. It looks as if she was in such a hurry to get dressed that she just shoved the drawer closed without bothering to tuck the items back inside properly. I pull it open, pressing the garment back into the drawer and chuckle. I wonder if she still has the spank me panties in here.

I push some items aside, raising brow when I locate a particularly tiny piece excuse of dental floss looking underwear.

"My, Miss Steele, you've been a naughty girl." I mutter to myself, twirling the g-string around on my finger. I put it back, and move to close the drawer, but something catches my eye. In the back of her drawer is a picture frame. I pull it out, wondering why it's hidden away.

I stare at the black and white sonogram and frown.

_Why would she hide this?_ I wonder until my eyes are drawn to the date. The sonogram is only two years old. I sigh, glaring at the blurry, barely visible dot in the photo.

"Mommy?!"

CJ's voice startles me, and I quickly put the photo down and hurry to her bedroom.

"You okay, baby?" I ask, flicking on her light.

"My tummy hurts." She whines.

Before I have a chance to respond, her lap is covered in vomit.

"Christ." I mutter, feeling her forehead. "You're burning up."

I carefully back the soiled covers and help her out of the bed.

"I want mommy." She cries before throwing up again on the floor next to her bed.

I gag a little, picking her up by the waist, facing away from me, and carry her into the bathroom.

"Aim for the toilet." I say as she starts heaving again. I pull out my blackberry and text Ana.

***COME HOME NOW***

I stare at the screen willing her to reply right away, but I'm impatient as CJ throws up again. I dial her number, glancing briefly over at her. She's a complete mess, her pajamas covered in vomit.

"Take those off." I say as she sits down on the floor and stares up at me.

"Christian?" Ana asks, sounding annoyed.

"You need to come home now." I say, watching CJ warily as she pushes the vomit covered pants to the floor.

"I've been gone for 40 minutes, Christian. I'll be home in a while." She snaps, hanging up on me.

I stare the phone for a moment before dialing again.

"Shhh, baby." I say, trying to calm CJ down. She's crying again because she's covered in vomit.

"Christian! What is your problem!?" Ana snaps.

"GET YOUR ASS HOME!" I shout, holding my phone out toward CJ, so Ana can hear her screaming.

Ten minutes later, I hear the front door.

"Christian? CJ?" She calls out.

"Up here!" I call back, pulling the shower head down and testing the water.

"What's wrong?" She asks, breathing heavily as she stands in the doorway, appraising the scene. "Was she sick?" She asks, crinkling her nose.

I nod, glaring at her. I'm pissed that she hung up on, thinking I was just being a jealous asshole.

"Oh, Princess! What happened?" Ana asks, stepping into the room and kneeling in front of our half-naked daughter.

"I don't feel good." CJ cries while Ana feels her forehead.

"You sure don't." She whispers, obviously feeling how hot CJ's face is.

"Uh oh." CJ says, but it's not enough warning. My jaw drops as Ana's dress is completely covered. I'm amazed that CJ's stomach can hold so much.

Ana looks disgusted. I feel like I might throw up too if she doesn't go change right now.

"Can you go grab some towels out of the closet in the hall?" She asks, reaching behind her and unzipping her dress.

I nod, glad to have an excuse to leave the room, and go in search of towels. When I return with several fresh towels, both Ana and CJ are in the shower.

"Can you take her, which I wash out my hair?" She asks, opening the curtain slightly.

I wrap CJ in a towel and take her into Ana's bedroom.

"You're not going to do that again, are you?" I ask, raising a brow at CJ. She shakes her head softly and cuddles into the pillows. "I'll go get you some new pajamas." I say, leaving her on the bed.

When I return the bedroom, Ana is picking up my t-shirt off the back of the chair and pulling it on before letting her towel drop to the floor.

"I got her some new clothes." I say, holding out the pajamas to her.

"Can you help her into them? I'm going to strip her bed." Ana asks, leaving the room without waiting for an answer.

…

* * *

"How is she?" He asks, as I finally reenter my bedroom after putting CJ back to sleep.

"I think it must just be a bug or something." I say softly, walking over to my dresser to get a pair of sweat pants. I feel gross, even after the shower, and I'm disappointed and feeling guilty about leaving Jamie hanging tonight.

"That was… intense." He says, and I smirk at him as I close the drawer.

I glance at the blue and white frame sitting on the surface of my dresser and frown, wondering how it got there.

"Why is this here?" I ask, holding it as I turn around to face Christian.

"Oh, I meant to put that back, but CJ woke up." He replies, and I scowl at him.

"Why were you digging through my underwear drawer?" I demand, feeling myself grow angrier.

"I—well… I was fixing the mess, and something caught my eye…" He says, sounding like he's been caught with his hand in the candy jar. "Is that…?" He starts and I wave a dismissive hand at him, turning away so that he won't see the tears pooling in my eyes.

"It's nothing." I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Why won't you talk about it with me? About the problems you had? Is it because of this? Did you lose that baby?" He asks.

"Lose it? Did I LOSE a baby? Yes, Christian, I just happened to be sitting around and wondering, where on earth did I leave that baby?" I snap, shaking the frame at him.

"Ana, I didn't mean it like that." He says, walking over to me. "I just want to know what happened? Why this hurts you so much! I want to help you!"

"Just drop it!" I shout, closing my eyes as a wave of dizziness washes over me.

"TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS!" He shouts, grabbing the picture from my hand.

I reach for it, and he grabs my wrists, forcing my to look at him.

"NO! Don't hurt my mommy!" CJ screams from the doorway, running into the room and shoving Christian.

He immediately lets me go, his eyes wide with horror as he backs away. I watch the picture frame fall to the floor and gasp as the glass shatters.

"CJ go to bed." I whisper, kneeling to pick up the glass.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" She asks, looking down at me.

"I'm fine, sweetie. Go back to bed." I reply, trying to keep a calm voice with her, though I'm furious with Christian.

I watch her leave before turning back to the glass, gently pulling the small picture out of the broken frame.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice low and devoid of any emotion. "I didn't mean—"

I stop him, glaring up at his still-wide eyes. He looks genuinely shocked.

"I think… you should go back to Seattle." I say, knowing I sound cold and angry still, but I don't want him here. I don't want him in my house, touching my things, opening old wounds, reminding CJ of horrible things that she should never have seen.

"Ana…"

"Just go, Christian. Just… get out of my room and be gone by tomorrow." I say softly, gathering all the larger pieces of glass into my palm.

"What about CJ? What about us?" He asks, sounding just as broken as the glass in my hand.

"We'll figure out visitation stuff later." I say, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Ana, look at me." He demands, and I can feel his eyes on me.

"JUST ET THE FUCK OUT!" I scream, and I can tell he's shocked, but he does as I've, so kindly, asked.

I can hear him in CJ's bedroom, talking softly to her, but I can't move. I sit on my bedroom floor, surrounded by the glass and cry as the memories flood my mind.

"_Ana!" Jose yells as I walk away from him._

"_Don't even speak to me, Jose!" I shout back at him, standing at the top of the stairs. "How dare you!" _

"_It was just a question! You know what the doctors said! It would be a miracle for us to get pregnant." He says, as if that rationalizes the question he just asked me. _

"_So, instead of thanking the universe for a miracle, you ask me if I've been fucking a man I haven't seen or spoken to in YEARS?!" I shout back._

"_He did it once! Maybe you went to him in hopes that he could do it again!" Jose shouts back at me, and I'm boiling. I'm so angry with him. _

_I shake my head, turning back toward the stairs. I don't want to have this argument. I was overjoyed by this news, framing and wrapping a copy of the ultrasound to give to Jose, but his reaction was brutal and unexpected. _

"_Where are you going!?" He shouts, grabbing my arm._

_I pull away, trying to get out of his grip. _

"_MAMA!" I hear CJ scream from somewhere nearby. _

"_ANA!" He shouts as I stare up at the ceiling. I'm lying on the landing at the bottom of the stairs._

_What the hell just happened? I wonder, watching as he stands over me, breathing heavily and looking terrified. _

…


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So, I'm pretty sure that I've only got a few more chapters left (maybe one or two after this one!)

**EDIT:** I thought the next chapter (which I'm halfway through, so you'll have it late tonight or tomorrow sometime) would be the last, but as I'm writing, it's not looking that way. The last several scenes I need to include are not going to fit into one more chapter. We're near the end, but not as near as I thought!

Those of you wondering about our antagonists, this story's big baddie is Elena, so be prepared for the final showdown.

I've already begun my outline for the sequel to this story. I don't want to make it all one story because it's just too much/too dragged out feeling for one story.

**Chapter 13:**

I hear a knock at the bedroom door, and get up. I sent Taylor home to be with Gail, and CJ is in bed, so I know who it is. When I open the door, Ana is standing there, biting her lip, her eyes puffy and red.

We stare at each other for a long moment before she looks like she might say something.

"I'm sorry. I realized by pushing you away when I got upset… it's like we're just entering an awful cycle. I'm scared, Christian. I'm afraid of what you'll think or say or do." She says softly.

"You terrify me. You pull me in, but then, when something gets hard, you try to push me away again. You don't have to be a sub, but you do need let go of some of this control freak behaviour. Trying to micromanage everything is going to exhaust you." I say, smirking at her.

She smiles, but it's only a slight twitch.

"I feel terrible about what happened earlier." She says, blushing profusely and gesturing toward her bedroom. "Can we try something?"

I nod, wondering what she wants to try, but she pulls the door closed, remaining on the outside of it. I stand staring at it for a moment before she knocks again.

I open the door, eyeing her with confusion. I don't have a chance to ask her what she's doing before she steps through the doorway, tripping onto her hands and knees.

"Christ! Are you okay?" I ask, pulling her to her feet.

"Hi, I'm Anastasia Steele." She says, extending her hand to me. "I'm here to interview you for my school paper."

I smirk, catching on to her game, and take her delicate hand.

"Christian Grey. It's lovely to meet you Miss Steele." I say, giving her a once over. "Please, have a seat." I gesture to the bed and watch as she sits cross legged near the end of it.

I recline back on the pillows, crossing my ankles next to her knee and interlocking my hands behind my head.

"Mr. Grey, are you gay?" She asks, looking inquisitively at me.

"No, you have that all wrong." I say, sitting up again. "You were much more shy and blushy."

"Like this?" She asks, tilting her head down a little. She bites her lip and blinks up at me from beneath her lashes.

"Exactly." I say, nodding with approval. "No, Miss Steele, I am not gay. Would you like me to tie you up and spank you?"

"Mr. Grey!" She gasps, covering her mouth with her hand.

"It's always the innocent ones…" I say with a sigh.

She giggles.

"I love that sound." I say softly, wondering how long I'll get to hear before she pushes me away again.

We sit silent for a long time, just staring at each other before she finally speaks.

"I'm afraid you'll leave me if you know how messed up life has gotten for me." She confesses.

"I'm afraid you'll leave me because I'M so messed up." I counter.

She bites her lip, and I will myself to look away, but I can't.

"Stop doing that." I whisper, sitting up and pulling her to lie next to me.

"I have an idea." She says, placing her head on my chest.

"Okay?" I ask, wondering if she's going to throw herself on the floor again.

"We can play truth or dare." She says, looking up at my eyes as if gauging my reaction.

I raise a brow at her, waiting for her to continue.

"We take turns asking each other questions, and you have to tell truth, but if you don't want to answer that question, the asker gets to dare you to do something, and you have to do it or answer the question." She explains.

I nod, liking where this is going.

"All right. Who goes first?" I ask, contemplating a good entry level question.

"How many subs have you had since we broke up?" She asks.

So much for entry level…

"Which time?" I ask, raising a brow.

"THE time." She replies.

"Four." I say softly, feeling a little ashamed and wary about answering.

"Your turn." She whispers, and I'm wondering what she's thinking about the four subs.

"Did you love Jose?"

"He was there for me when I needed to feel wanted." She says softly.

"You didn't answer my question." I say, resting my nose against her hair.

"No." She whispers. "Not in that way."

She sighs softly, as if she knows it was wrong for her to be with him. She feels guilty.

"Did you sleep with Mrs. Robinson in the time when we were split up?" She asks, and I turn, looking at her face.

"No. Never." I say, almost chuckling. "She's… not my type."

Ana seems almost relieved by this; her body visibly relaxes against me.

"What happened with Jose and the baby?" I ask, wondering if she'll break the truth chain and choose a dare.

She's silent for a long moment before she sighs heavily.

"He was jealous. It didn't matter that I hadn't seen or spoken to you in years. He knew I still loved you, and he knew he wasn't enough for me. I guess because I kept trying to get him to do… things." She says, shifting uncomfortably. "I wanted to make him happy, to make it work between us because I thought we could be happy. He was my friend, and I cared deeply for him. It made sense."

She pauses, looking up at me with her big blue eyes. I kiss her forehead, urging her to go on.

"He wanted to have a baby. It's all he talked about, all he ever asked for. I thought it would be nice to have a family. Husband, couple of kids…" She says wistfully. "It just wasn't happening for us. We tried, we tried a lot." She says, almost regretfully. "We were at the point where we thought we should seek medical help to find out why it wasn't happening. The doctor said getting pregnant would be difficult this time, and that really made Jose angry. I mean, I got pregnant on the pill the first time."

I smirk.

"I think he was constantly comparing himself to you. Why could YOU get me pregnant, but he couldn't? Why could YOU cause birth control to fail, but he couldn't do it without any of those preventative factors?" She says as if she's heard these questions shouted at her a multitude of times. "When I realized that I might be pregnant, I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. I was excited. I thought maybe this would make things easier on our relationship, make us happier."

She sits up, watching me warily.

"You have to promise to stay calm right now." She says.

"Ana, you just told me about your sex life with someone I dislike quite passionately, and I haven't done a thing. I want to, trust me I want to, but I haven't. I think I can handle the rest of the story." I assure her, though I'm already boiling from the inside out.

"Okay." She says warily, going on to tell me about the frame and the day she gave it to Jose.

I'm livid. I want to ring his neck. I want to ring my own for putting my hands on her tonight.

"It was an accident." She whispers, drawing me back to her tear-stained face. "He moved into the guest room that night. The next day he was all 'we can try again, we can have another baby', but I realized that I didn't want to try again. I already knew it wouldn't work. Anyways, after the baby… I just gave up. Jose left me about a week later. I found a letter on my pillow one morning."

I nod thoughtfully.

"Who told you that you couldn't get pregnant? Did they say why it was so hard?" I ask.

"I believe it's my turn." She says, raising a brow at me.

"All right, ask away." I reply.

"What's your darkest secret? The one that you think will drive me away." She asks, and I stiffen.

"I choose dare." I whisper, and she sits up.

"Seriously? After all that I just told you, you can't tell me this?" She asks.

She looks wounded.

"Ana…" I say softly, stroking her hair out of her face. "I can't risk losing you again."

"I'm not going anywhere." She replies, but she rises from the bed and walks across the room.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

She stops at the dresser and opens the top drawer, pulling out one of my ties.

"Up." She says. I watch her warily, as I get off the bed, and she takes my place. She puts her hands through the metal bars of the bed and clasps them together. "Let's go, Grey." She says, nodding to the tie. "I'm not going anywhere."

I smirk, crawling over her body and tying her wrists together around the bar. I lean down and kiss her lips; she's irresistible to me when she looks like this.

"Stop distracting me." She says with a sigh as I move down her neck.

I sit up, straddling her hips and gaze into her eyes.

"The one thing I've been terrified to tell you since I realized that I'm in love with you?" I ask, stalling a moment more.

She nods.

"I like to beat the shit out of pretty brown haired girls because they look like the crack whore."

She's silent for a long moment, just staring at me.

"Say something." I whisper, imploring her with my eyes.

"That's pretty fucked up." She whispers back.

"Fifty shades." I say, wondering what she's thinking, then I realize it's my turn to ask her a question.

"What are you thinking?"

She swallows, visibly uncomfortable.

"That together, we have a hundred shades." She whispers.

"What about you? What are you thinking?" She asks, blinking up at me.

"I can't think. Seeing you tied up like this is distracting." I laugh, letting my eyes skim over her.

"Be serious, Christian!" She scolds, though I can see a sparkle of humour dancing around in her blue eyes.

"I'm afraid if I untie you, you'll leave."

"Where would I go? This is my house." She says, grinning up at me.

"Good point well made, Miss Steele." I say, grinning back at her.

"Why, thank you, Mr. Grey." She replies.

"Why can't you—" I stop, wanting to rephrase my question. "Why can you have unprotected sex with me?"

"It's called endometriosis." She says softly. "It has to do with the lining and scar tissue on the uterus."She says, trying to remain casual about it.

"So you can't have any more children? Ever?" I ask softly.

"There's a really low percent chance, but my doctor was not at all optimistic." She replies, fidgeting with the tie.

I lean down, pressing my lips to hers.

"Don't ever leave me." I whisper.

"I won't." She replies, opening her mouth to me.

"Better or worse, sickness and health." I whisper, leaving a trail of kisses along her jaw.

She giggles.

"Christian, those are wedding vows." She says.

"So?" I ask, sitting up and staring into her eyes.

"So, we're not married." She says, grinning at me.

"Maybe we should be." I say, watching her expression slowly change.

"Are you—are you asking me to marry you, Mr. Grey?" She asks, though I can tell she's unsure if I'm kidding or not.

"Yes. Marry me." I say, and I am serious. I want her to be my wife, my love, mine.

"Really?" She asks, eyeing me warily.

"Ana, we're like Wesley and Buttercup. The Dread Pirate Robinson took me away from you for years, and you hooked up with Jose Humperdink, but I came back for you. We were meant to be. I would take on the ogre and Inigo Montoya and that little guy who constantly shouts 'inconceivable!' if I had to. I died the day I lost you. We… we're meant to be. It's destiny. We wouldn't have been brought back together if it wasn't." I say, trying to remember the movie that I rented in order to understand CJ's dog naming system.

She's smiling at me, and I feel self-conscious.

"But where would we live?" She asks, and I grin.

"Are you saying yes?" I ask.

"Are you forgoing my question in exchange for a dare?" She asks, and I realize we're still playing the game.

"We can live anywhere you want." I say, and I mean it. I would move here to this tiny little house on the beach if she asked me to. "So? Are you saying yes?"

"I'd like to, but this isn't exactly the ideal proposal." She says, tugging on her hand restraints.

I nod.

"You're right. My technique needs some work." I agree, climbing off of her and walking across the room.

"Where are you going?" She calls as I leave the room.

"I'm tired, and you're lying in the centre of the bed." I say, shrugging as I pull the door closed behind me.

"Christian!" She calls, and I grin, counting to ten before opening the door again.

"Now you've really done it." I say, smirking at her round behind. She's lying face down now, and I suppose, in her struggle, her sweat pants were pulled down her hips slightly.

"Help me!" She grunts, shifting her legs forward so that she's on her knees.

"I wouldn't mind helping myself." I murmur, climbing onto the bed behind her.

"Christian…" She whispers as I grip both cheeks in my hands, pushing her pants down to her knees.

"What?" I ask, pausing. "Tell me what you want."

"You. I want you." She whispers, and I smack her behind. "Sir." She snaps quickly.

"Good girl." I whisper.

…

* * *

"You guys have a good week." I say, kissing CJ's forehead as I buckle her into the plane seat.

"Why aren't you coming with us?" She asks, and I sigh.

"I have to work. I'll be there on Friday night to tuck you in." I promise her.

"Mommy doesn't have to work. She's just being stubborn." Christian points out petulantly as he herds Princess Buttercup and Wesley into their travel crates.

"Christian, I gave two week's notice. That means I'm promising to stay for the next two weeks while they find someone to fill the new position." I answer back, knowing this isn't the first or last time this conversation has or will occur.

"You don't have to work at all, Ana." He insists, but I don't respond.

"Christian, I haven't even heard back from SIP to see if I have the new position, so you may just get your wish until I find another job." I snap, glaring at him.

"I'm sure you'll hear back soon enough." He says as I lean up to kiss him goodbye.

"Call me when you land." I murmur against his mouth.

"I'll miss you." He says back, biting my lower lip.

"AHEM!" CJ growls, glaring at us.

"See you guys on Friday!" I say, blowing CJ one last kiss before hopping off the plane.

…

* * *

"See you later, Princess!" I say, kissing CJ one last time before she, Sawyer, Prescott, Ryan, and Reynolds board the elevator to go to school.

"Love you, Daddy!" She shouts, waving as the doors close.

I head into my office and pick up my phone.

"Roach, why haven't you called back?" I snap at the SIP president.

"Mr. Grey. I apologize. We've had some problems getting enough on Mr. Hyde to warrant dismissal." Jerry replies.

"I want him out! I hand-picked a candidate to replace him!" I shout. "Give him one week to clear out. Arrange whatever severance package you need to. Budget cuts call for a less experienced editor that we don't have to pay as much as he's being paid." I instruct him.

"Yes, sir." He replies.

"And this remains under the radar until I say." I remind him before hanging up.

I know how much having a job means to Ana. I know she wants to feel independent and like she has a purpose, which is why she was hesitant to quit her job at Chandler to move back to Seattle. I made a few calls while she was at work, handled the purchase from Savannah, and then suggested that she contact her old company to see if they had any openings. I was quite impressed with myself, really.

I hear the elevator ping, and I listen, wondering who's just arrived. Taylor appears a moment later in the doorway of my office.

"Your brother, sir." He says, and I nod, rising from my chair. "He has luggage." Taylor warns me.

…

"I don't know what to do. I don't think I can forgive her for keeping this from me for so long." Elliott says, running his hand through his hair.

"She thought she was doing the right thing." I say despite my own anger toward Katherine.

"We were supposed to be married right now. I'm almost glad we're not, Christian. How can we build a life together with a foundation of lies and secrets?" He asks, his brow furrowing, and his eyes thoroughly pained.

"Because you love each other." I say simply, hoping this will convince him to go back to her.

"Is that enough? After everything that's happened? Is loving each other enough?" He asks, staring into my eyes as if imploring me to have the answers he requires.

"Elliott, I would give anything to have the love of my life here. Katherine is the one for you. Everyone sees it. Perhaps she was wrong in keeping secrets from you, but when it comes down to it, you forgive the ones you love. You forgive them because you know your life without them would be much worse than your life with them, despite whatever flaws or secrets you've discovered about them."

"When did my little brother become so insightful?" He asks, a smirk playing at his lips.

I shrug.

"Frankly, I just want you out of my apartment." I say, covering my own emotions.

"So you're saying that you, Christian Grey, want me to marry Kate." He asks as if he can't believe I'm backing her.

"I don't know why you're so upset with her over this, anyway. I'm sure she's lied to you about a million other things in the last five years." I point out, trying to minimize the situation in his eyes.

"Do you remember when mom and dad adopted you?" He asks, and I nod slowly, wondering where he's going with this. "I hated you. You were coming in and taking all the attention. I used to steal your toys and pick on you. Then Mom sat me down and told me a watered down version of what you'd gone through before coming to live with us, and she asked me to protect you because you were so small and so angry and alone."

I shift uncomfortably. He's speaking of the things we, as a family, silently refuse to discuss.

"I made a promise to Mom, and to myself, that I wouldn't let anyone ever hurt you again. In keeping this secret, Kate hurt you, and I feel like I've failed." He confesses, and I finally understand why this has been so hard for him to let go of.

"I'm a big boy now, Lelliott." I murmur self-consciously.

"You'll always be my baby brother." He says, staring into my eyes.

"Go home, Elliott. Tell Kate that you love her. Tell her that you forgive her, and you still want her to be your wife." I instruct him. "If I can forgive her, you can forgive her too. We were all misinformed, and she thought she was taking care of Ana. I should thank her. Ana needed her, and she was there when I wasn't, regardless of the reasons."

He nods, and I pull him into a hug.

"Thanks, Christian."

…

"Ana, what's wrong?" I ask, calling her back after my meeting. Her message sounded panicked.

"I think I need you to send Taylor here to stay with me." She says. "I think someone has been following me."

"Who? What do they look like?" I ask, hoping she's wrong.

"He looks like the security guard you hired to follow me around, Christian Grey!" She shouts. She's furious, and I realize I've been found out.

"Ana, baby, calm down." I say softly.

"Don't you Ana, Baby me!" She shouts. "You promised to trust me!"

"I do trust you." I defend. "It's the rest of the world I don't trust."

"Christian, I told you I didn't want security. You promised not to pile your armed forces on me." She scolds.

"I didn't. I hired one guy to keep an eye on you from afar and only intervene if you were in serious danger." I explain.

"Well, his cover is blown! I sent him back to you." She says, and I groan.

"I don't want you there alone." I tell her.

"I'm not. I've been staying with my parents. The realtor has been bringing by people to see the house all week. I didn't feel like being there." She explains, and I nod.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow night." I say, trying to relax in knowing that I'll have her for the entire weekend to convince her to take Ryan or Reynolds back to Savannah with her for her final week of work.

Maybe I can convince her to just not go back at all…

…

"You ready?" I ask, glancing down at CJ.

She nods, grinning up at me, her hair perfectly styled and her dress fit for a princess. She gasps when the elevator pings.

"She's here." CJ mouths as Ana steps into the great room, or what used to be the great room.

…

* * *

I gasp, taking in the scene that's welcoming me home. No wonder Taylor insisted on dropping me at the door before parking. The floor of the great room is covered in flower petals, and every surface contains either candles or roses. There, in the center of it all, is Christian, sitting on bended knee, an open ring box sitting delicately between his thumb and forefinger. I glance over at CJ as she shrugs, grinning at up at me.

"COME ON! I'M DYING HERE!" She shouts, shaking her hands at us as we stay silent and motionless.

"Will you marry me, Anastasia Steele?" Christian asks softly, and I smile, nodding softly at him as I kneel on the floor in front of him.

I can't stand. My legs feel like jelly, and my heart is pounding against my ribs. He slowly slides the ring down my finger, his eyes fixed on mine.

"Mine." He mouths, and I nod again, leaning in to kiss his lips.

I squeal as Christian grabs me around the waist and pulls me to the floor, pinning me beneath him and kissing me softly.

"So romantic!" CJ gushes, tossing a handful of flower petals over our heads.

…


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I know I said that there were only a couple more chapters, and honestly, I thought I'd only need a couple more to wrap everything up. I thought this would be the last one, but I still have so much in my outline that I thought would fit in one chapter, and it just doesn't.

I've already begun an outline on the sequel to this, so don't panic. The story is almost over, but the tale is nowhere near done. You'll see what I mean by the time this story is complete.

I want to estimate like two or three more chapters, but I'm really not sure because I didn't even get through half of the scenes I had planned for this chapter, so they've been bumped to the next.

Annnnnd now…..

**Chapter 14:**

"I told you I wanted this handled yesterday!"

I stand in the door way of Christian's office, watching him sit in his chair, his back to me, while he yells at someone on the phone.

"I don't give two shits about what he said." Christian says.

I bite my lip. Maybe right now isn't the best time. I turn around, intent on leaving, but I stop myself.

After our first session of couple's therapy with Flynn, our homework this week has been to always communicate something as soon as it happens. Letting it stew will only make it bigger.

I knock gently on the door frame, and he turns around, shaking his head before turning his back to me again.

I frown, walking in and sitting down on the chair opposite his desk. I can wait.

"Hold on a minute." He says sharply, turning to face me.

His face is startling and angry, and I want to get up and leave, but I know I have to tell him this right now.

"What is it?" He asks, and I can tell he's trying really hard not to sound annoyed.

"I'll wait until you're done with your call." I say, hoping the compromise is evident to him.

That's another thing Flynn told us to work on. I made a compromise with him about CJ taking security to school: If he would lay off with the four guards, I'd accept two of them as my own escorts. It wasn't really such a compromise for me, though. I was being hounded by paparazzi every time I left the apartment building. It was getting ridiculous.

Christian compromised by letting me donate my Equinox to Mia's first charity event. I'll be devastated tonight when I see it auctioned off, but she's really passionate about her cause. Christian wanted to take it to a junk yard and light it on fire.

"What, Ana?" He asks, and I bite my lip.

_Why does he have to be so snappy? I'm nervous enough as it is._

"It can wait." I whisper, leaning over his desk and kissing his nose before scurrying out of the room. I don't want to drop any major bombs on him when he's obviously already stressed out about something.

I've been on edge too, though. I still haven't heard back from SIP, and I feel like a total slacker using the debit card that Christian gave me. I didn't earn that money. I've been keeping track of every penny I spend, so I can replace it as soon as I start working again.

Christian pointed out recently that I have $900,000 in a bank account, but I refuse to use it. It's Mrs. Robinson's blood money. Christian won't take, and I can't bring myself to spend it. It's not like CJ needs a college fund. I thought about using it for a trust fund, but I'm not sure. Maybe it would be like a restitution payment for the time with her father that Mrs. Robinson took from her.

…

* * *

"Hi. I'm Alex."

"Hi." I say, staring at the boy talking to me. Nobody talks to me. I'm new.

"What's your name?" He asks me.

"Hi." I say again. Why did I say that?

He laughs. Why is he laughing at me?

"CJ. I mean, Christian." I say. Christian sounds prettier than CJ. I like my long name better.

"Can I sit with you?" He asks, and I nod, moving over so there's space for his butt on the bench. "You're new."

I nod again. Where are my words!?

"You want some ammammle cookies?" He asks, smiling at me.

I nod again, reaching in the bag and take one out. It's a broken lelephant.

"Thank you." I say, because my parents say you have to be polite to people. "You want some of my carrots?"

"Okay." He says, and I open the bag for him to take one. "You're pretty."

I stare at him. What do I say? I think thank you. When someone says something nice about you, you should say thank you. You can say nice stuff back to them too.

"You're pretty, too."

He laughs, and my face gets hot. My tummy feels weird… in a happy way.

"You can be my girlfriend." He says.

"What does that proper-sition require?" I ask. I heard daddy ask mommy that all the time when she asks him for something.

"Huh?" He says, and his whole forehead looks crinkly. "My brother has a girlfriend. He holds her hand and calls her beautiful. That means he is her boyfriend."

"Okay. You could be my boyfriend." I tell him, nodding firmly. This is a good deal. I like it when Daddy holds my hand. I always feel safe.

Alex smiles and picks up my hand and squeezes it. I like that. I squeeze back.

"I think I'm s'posed to kiss you too." He says.

"I don't think so." I tell him, shaking my head.

"Yup. My brother kisses his girlfriend." He says.

"My daddy says if I kiss boys, I will get cooties and die!" I tell him.

"I don't think that's true. My brother does it a lot, and he didn't die. I bet if he did die, I could have his video games. I could share them with you."

I smile. He's so nice! He can't have cooties! Besides, Wesley and Buttercup kiss in the movie, and they didn't die, 'cept that one time when Wesley DID die, but he came back.

"Okay, you could kiss me, but if I die from cooties, I'm going to tell on you." I warn him.

"I promise. I won't let you die EVER!" He says.

I close my eyes and wait for it. I can't watch this. My eyes hurt from being closed so tight.

"OUCH!" I say, rubbing my forehead.

"Sorry. I had my eyes closed." Alex says, and I giggle.

"Maybe we better try it with them open." I tell him, taking a deep breath and leaning in. "What do we do now?" I ask, but my voice is all mumbley cause we're both pushing our mouths together.

"I'm not sure." He says, mumbling back to me as we stare at each other over our noses.

…

* * *

I'm still on the phone with Roach, after being disturbed by Ana, when my blackberry rings.

"Roach, HANDLE IT NOW!" I shout before hanging up and answering my blackberry.

"Sawyer." I snap.

"Sir, we have a problem." He tells me, and I begin to panic.

"Is CJ all right?" I ask, trying to calm my voice.

"Sir, she's just engaged in an oral contact with a boy. He looks at least six. How should we proceed?" He asks.

"Bring her home." I instruct him before hanging up. "ANASTASIA!" I shout, and she hurries into my office a moment later.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked, her eyes wide with wonder and fear.

"We have a problem." I tell her.

…

"Don't you remember what I told you about kissing boys?" I ask her, and she nods.

She looks so small sitting in the large chair across from my desk.

"And what was it that I told you, Christian Grey?" I ask, keeping my voice stern.

I learned from the best. I can't count the number of times my parents hauled me into my father's study and sat me down for a lecture.

"If I kiss boys, I will get cooties and die." She recites back. Good. She was listening.

I glare at Ana. She's giggling behind me. We're supposed to be a team here.

"He didn't give me cooties, Daddy. He gaved me a lelephant." She says, reaching into her sweater pocket and holding out what looks like a crushed cookie.

"Aww!" Ana gushes, and I glare at her again.

"Out!" I snap, pointing to the door.

She rolls her eyes, waving her hands in defense before leaving. I'll deal with her later.

"He's my boyfriend." She tells me, and I have no idea how to respond.

"No, he's not. You're not allowed a boyfriend. You're too young." I explain, and she frowns. "You can date when you're married."

"But I love him! He said I'm pretty!" She cries, and I roll my eyes.

"Boys will say anything, CJ. They're only after one thing." I tell her. I'm not backing down.

"What are they after?" She asks, and I realize I've backed myself into a corner.

"Your animal cookies." I tell her.

"He could eat alllll my animal cookies, if he wants." She gushes, jumping down off the chair.

"I'm not done speaking with you, Christian." I scold, standing up.

"Daddy, I'm STAAARVVVINGG!" She whines, and I narrow my eyes.

She's learned well ,from her mother, how to distract me, though I'll never call either of their bluffs. I can't take that kind of risk.

"Come." I say, pointing to the space directly in front of me.

She stands at attention, craning her neck to look up at me.

"No more kissing boys." I tell her, and she nods vigorously before I pick her up and carry her out of my office.

I place CJ in her seat at the bar and sit down between her and my beautiful, frustrating fiancé. I glance down at my lap when I feel Ana's hand on my thigh.

"We Steele women just love older men." She whispers, winking at me.

"I'm so glad you find this funny. I knew my life would be over the day she starts kissing boys. I just thought I had more time." I grumble. "I need a son." I mutter, immediately biting my tongue and looking at Ana.

She shrugs and smiles sadly, and I reach down and squeeze her hand.

…

* * *

"What did you want to talk to me about earlier?" Christian asks as he zips me into my floor length, strapless gown.

It's silver and form fitting with intricate beading on the bodice. I feel like I'm going to a red carpet event in it.

"Uhm, it can wait until we're back from Mia's event. I don't want to sour your mood." I say, smoothing my skirt.

"Flynn said we should get things out in the open as soon as they happen." He says as he puts on his tie.

I bite my lip. It's my favourite tie, the grey one with the textures that leave imprints in my skin.

"I know, but I also know it will ruin our night." I say, frowning at him.

"Just tell me, and we can deal with it." He says. God why does he have to be so understanding and so right?!

I'll just start slowly and ease into the big reveal. Let it happen gradually, so it's not a bucket of cold water on his face.

"Jose called me." I blurt out. So much for gradual.

He's not speaking, and I wonder if that's a good sign.

"What did Mr. Rodriguez have to say?" He asks in an eerily slow and quiet tone. "No, don't bother answering that. I'm sure you have no idea because you hung up as soon as you realized who it was." He says, his voice sounding sarcastic now.

If this is anything like the stages of grief, he's progressing quite quickly.

"You did hang up on him, right?" He asks, and I cower a little. "For Christ sake, Anastasia! REALLY? What on Earth could he have possibly had to say that would convince you stay on the phone with him?!" He shouts.

I sigh and put my hands on my hips.

"This is why I was afraid to tell you." I say. "Flynn said we shouldn't have fear of telling each other things, but you know what, I'm pretty fearful right now." I point out.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and I can see his lips moving. He's counting to ten. Thank you, Flynn! This one is a handy tool to have.

"What are you doing?" I whisper, after he passes ten and is now almost at twenty.

"Ten wasn't enough. I still want to beat the shit out of you." He says before picking back up at twenty-nine.

"Okay." I whisper, sitting down on the bed and fidgeting with my hands.

"What did he want?" Christian asks, after several minutes.

_And the encore show begins!_

"He wants to see me. He's back in Seattle." I say, sticking with the, ever tactful, blurting technique.

"And you said?" He asks, and I'm shocked to hear him speak so calmly.

"That I'd think about it." I say casually as I stand to check my hair in the mirror.

"No."

"What? No, what?" I ask,

"No, you won't see him. Just ignore him. I'm sure he'll get the message." Christian says, and I freeze.

I don't actually WANT to see Jose, but I would like to know he's okay. He left so abruptly without even so much as a forwarding address. I didn't find out where he was until I bumped into his father a month later. I have questions, and things I need to know that only he can answer.

"I— Christian, I just—I" I can't get my words out.

"Ana, I'm trying REALLY hard not shout at you." He says in a near whisper.

"Let's talk about it tonight when you've cooled down." I suggest.

Flynn told us not to discuss important matters when we're emotional. We should calm down and then come back to discuss them rationally.

"This isn't over." He warns, pointing at me before leaving the bedroom.

No kidding!

…

* * *

"Are you ready to go?" I ask CJ.

"Yup!" She says, running over to me, her new dress shoes clicking against floor.

She's looks like a miniature lady in her pink party dress and white gloves.

"Can Princess Buttercup and Wesley come to the party, Daddy?" She asks, and I shake my head. I'm not in the mood to humour her.

"Anastasia, let's go!" I shout, pressing the call button on the elevator when I hear her heels clicking rapidly toward me.

"Sorry." She says, adjusting her dress and holding my elbow.

I glance down at her; I'm still angry, but I love having her on my arm, relying on me to ensure she doesn't fall.

…

"Grandpa!" CJ screams, launching herself into my father's arms.

It's interesting to see him with her. He doesn't look like the big time scary lawyer who sat me down and lectured me about school yard fights when I was a kid.

And also quite recently.

"Hello, darling!" He beams back, straightening her dress to maintain her modesty for her.

"Where's Auntie Mia?" She asks, squirming to get down again.

"She's upstairs fixing her hair. Her guests will be arriving soon. Why don't you go tell her that a very important benefactor has arrived?" He suggests.

I roll my eyes. Of course my sister is fixing her hair. When is she not fixing her hair?

"Come, I'll take you upstairs." I say, leaving Ana with my father and lifting CJ up into my arms.

At the top of the stairs, I knock on Mia's bedroom door.

"Who is it?" She calls, and I look down at CJ.

"It's meee!" She squeals through the door, and I place her down on her feet.

Mia opens the door all smiles and pulls CJ into the room.

"We're going to finish getting ready, Christian. We'll be down in a minute." She says, closing the door back in my face.

…

* * *

"Don't let daddy see your face, all right? Avoid him at all costs." Auntie Mia says, and I nod.

She thinks Daddy will be angry if he sees I'm wearing makeup. I don't think he will. Mommy wears makeup and Daddy likes it.

I see him coming toward me, and I turn away, running toward the backyard where lots of people are standing around. They all have their juice in pretty glass cups. I wonder why everyone keeps giving me plastic cups.

Ummph!

I look up to see what I ran into and cringe. It's her! Mrs. Lincoln.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Lincoln!" I say.

I wanna be extra nice to her since she lost all her beauty salons.

"Hello, Christian." She says, I'm glad she remembers me.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, reaching up to hold her hand.

She looks funny. I wonder why her face looks like she used the wrong toothpaste by accident. My face looked like that once. Never again.

"I'm fine." She says, letting go of my hand.

"I'm sorry your beauty salons are gonna be bait and tackle shops. Maybe you can buy a new one." I tell her.

Mommy says it's nice to reassure people. That means make them feel better about something even when it's in the potty.

She takes my hand again, and pulls me into the house.

"Where are we going?" I ask, but she doesn't answer, she just keeps pulling my hand. Geeze, she walks so fast.

When we stop, I look around. We're in Grandma's special living room. I didn't know it was a special one until I spilled grape juice on the white carpet. Grandma says this is just for special times when people are over, and we never ever drink grape juice in here. EVER. I hope she knows I didn't bring my juice in here on purpose. I bet she will understand that it was Mrs. Lincoln's fault this time. I just better not drop it.

"Listen, you annoying little shit."

"OOOH!" I say, covering my mouth.

"Oh, shut up. The only reason you're here is because I backed off. If I wanted you and your mother back in Georgia, you would be there right now. Christian may be angry with me, but he and I are meant to be together, and we will be. He's not a father. He's mine, and we WILL be together again."

"I don't like you." I tell her.

She sounds like a bully. I don't wanna go back to Georgia. I like Saddle, and I like living with mommy AND daddy in the big apartment.

"I don't give a damn. You're a little blemish on my otherwise perfect plan. Don't think I won't crush you just because you're a baby."

"I'M NOT A BABY!" I shout at her.

"You little idiot!" She shouts, and I see why. Her dress is covered in grape juice and so is Grandma's couch cushion.

She lifts her arm, and I see her hand coming, but I can't move, so I squeeze my eyes shut real tight.

"CJ, go find your parents."

I open my eyes and Grandma is there, holding Mrs. Lincoln's hand. They must be friends. I like to hold my friends' hands too.

"She spilled her grape juice on the sofa, Grandma." I say quickly before running out of the room.

…

* * *

"Mommy!" CJ says, wrapping her arms around my legs.

"Hello, CJ. Do you remember me?" Flynn asks, smiling down at her.

"Nope." She says quickly reaching up her arms for me to pick her up.

I lift her up, balancing her on my hip.

"Mrs. Lincoln spilled my grape juice on Grandma's special sofa." She whispers in my ear.

I feel myself pale and excuse myself from Flynn and his wife, Rhian.

"Where did you see Mrs. Lincoln?" I ask, trying to stay calm while I locate Christian.

"I left her in the special room with Grandma. She's very sweary, like Daddy." CJ says, shaking her head in disapproval.

"Oh." I say, realizing I could feel even worse that I currently do.

I hurry across the house and stand at the doorway of the family room; I can hear Grace and Elena speaking in harsh hushed tones.

"You slept with my son?" Grace asks, and I cringe.

What did Elena say to CJ, and how much of it did Grace hear?

"Grace, don't be so naïve. Look at him. He's not the sweet and innocent baby boy you think he is!" Elena snaps back.

"When did it start? Is this why he's so angry with you? It was you, wasn't it? Not some assistant with a crush on him." Grace says. She sounds devastated.

"What are we eavesdropping on?"

CJ and I both jump at the sound of Christian's playful voice, and I stare at him, terrified as Elena speaks.

"Of course it was me! Grace, come off of your high horse. If it wasn't for me, Ana would have had her gold digging claws implanted into your son long ago." Elena says. "I protected him where you didn't!"

"Shut your bloody mouth!" Christian says, pushing past me and going into the room.

"CJ, let's go see your room."I whisper, walking toward the stairs. "Grandma redecorated, so you can stay over more often." I tell her, placing her on her own feet and helping her up the stairs toward Christian's childhood bedroom.

…

* * *

"We're heading out now." I tell my mother.

She's avoided me for the rest of the evening after our encounter with Elena, which resulted in my mother slapping her long-time friend in the face and exiling her.

"Are you still leaving CJ for the night?" She asks in a clipped tone, but I can tell she's hurt.

"If you'll still have her." I reply softly, knowing that she, Mia, and CJ had an entire day planned for tomorrow.

"Yes. I guess we'll talk tomorrow about dropping her off." She says, before turning to Ana. "Goodnight, Darling."

Ana hugs my mother briefly. I wonder if I should or not, but Ana nudges my arm, deciding for me. I lean over and place a kiss on my mother's hesitantly presented cheek. Tonight has been one terrible bomb drop after another.

"I'll just go say goodnight to her." I say, knowing Ana's already done so.

…

"You're going to call me tomorrow morning before you go out?" I ask her, stroking her hair off of her face.

"Yes, Daddy." She says, rolling her cheek into my hand. "Can I go home with you and mommy tonight?" She asks, biting her lip.

"If you'd like to, but I thought you were going to spend the day with Grandma tomorrow." I say.

I can tell something is upsetting her, and I wonder how much Elena said to her.

"Grandma is angry. She yelled at Mrs. Lincoln." She says softly. "It was my fault. Mrs. Lincoln didn't spill the juice on the sofa. I did it."

"Grandma wasn't yelling at Mrs. Lincoln because of the juice." I explain softly.

"Why was she yelling at her then?" She asks.

"It doesn't matter. They were talking about grown up things." I tell her, hoping she'll drop it.

"Is Grandma going to yell at me tomorrow when she finds out I had juice her special room?" She asks.

"I'll talk to her. I'm sure if you say sorry, she'll be okay." I assure her.

…

* * *

"I thought you left."Christian whispers as I climb into bed next to him.

"Why?" I ask, curling into his arms.

"Because of Elena and my mother… all of the drama that ensued tonight. When I finished speaking with my mother, you weren't outside the room anymore." He explains, his brow furrowing.

"I didn't think CJ needed to hear anymore." I tell him.

"You were right. Grace is furious." He says.

"With Elena?" I ask.

"And me." He says quietly. "Grace's dog house is a terrifying place."

I chuckle at him, though I'm aware that the situation isn't funny.

"I know this isn't the best night to discuss this, but I don't want to let it stew and get worse…" I start, hoping he'll know what I want to talk about.

"You're right. It's not the best time." He agrees, and I think he's dismissing it entirely. "But there's never going to be a right time to discuss this, Ana. I will never be okay with you talking to that asshole. I will never say, sure Ana, go meet your mentally unstable, physically and emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend for lunch!' It just won't ever be okay." He says, and I sigh.

"Christian, I need closure. This isn't about seeing him; it's about feeling satisfied for me." I tell him.

"I don't satisfy you?" He asks, and I know this technique. He's trying to guilt me into agreeing with him by making it about his insecurities.

"Christian, this isn't about you. This isn't about how well you satisfy me. You do, by the way, completely." I point out, and he smiles. "I need to hear what he has to say. For me."

"Fine, when do we see him?" He asks, and I sigh.

"Christian!" I whine. I'm so frustrated with him right now.

"You're taking Taylor." He says, and it's not a question. It's not even a statement. It's a command.

"Okay." I agree.

Flynnisms 101: Choose your battles wisely. Some things are worth standing your ground, while it's better to just let your partner take the win in order to avoid conflict where conflict isn't necessary.

"Did you already make the date before you spoke with me?" He asks, and I freeze.

"Maybe?" I say, placing my hand high up on his thigh in hopes of a distraction popping up.

"So, you really didn't care about what I thought. You just decided and then asked me." He says, pushing my hand off of his leg and shifting away from me.

"First of all, I wasn't ASKING you if I could meet him. I was telling you that he wanted to see me, so that we could discuss our FEELINGS, not so that you could dictate what I can and cannot do. Secondly, I made a tentative da—appointment with him, under the assumption that I would check, with my fiancé, that I didn't have a prior engagement to attend and ensure that you were aware of my plans." I explain, sitting up and glaring at him.

"Flynn's an asshole." He mutters, rolling onto his side with his back to me.

My inner goddess is doing happy dance. I won.

"So we're not going to try tonight? You're just going to roll over and be grumpy?" I ask, purposely sounding petulant.

"I can't look at you right now." He murmurs, and I sigh.

"You could take me from behind." I whisper seductively, and he looks over his shoulder at me.

He's considering it. I can tell. I know my man.

"No, thank you." He says, rolling back over.

"Christian!" I growl, pulling him onto his back and straddling his thighs. "This is not about you and me or making love." I tell him, narrowing my eyes with determination. "This is about operation baby! Grace gave us specific instructions, and we have ONE night," I say holding up my index finger. "count 'em, Grey, ONE NIGHT, without CJ in the house. If you're not up for the challenge, just say so!"

I cross my arms, when he raises an eyebrow at me.

"I'm still pissed at you." He says, rolling me onto my side of the bed and getting up.

"Where are you going?" I ask, feeling disappointed that he's leaving me, but my question is answered when he goes over to the chair and picks up his tie, THE tie, from the discarded suit that he wore tonight.

"No touching." He says, and I roll my eyes, threading my hands through the bed rails.

He glares at me, and I bite my lip, doing my best to look contrite as I lay there on my back in the centre of the bed. He shakes his head at me. I'm going to pay for that, and the thought excites me.

"Roll over." He instructs, and I do so immediately.

He really is angry.

He crawls onto the bed, next to my head, and ties my hands around the rail. I tug on them, testing the strength of the knot. He never fails to impress me with the skill of his deft hands.

"Maybe it's too soon for us to try." He says as he strips on the floor next to the bed.

"Seriously, you want to discuss this now? It's not too soon. Your mother said it would take time, and there were procedures, but that we still have a chance. If we start now, maybe we'll be pregnant by the time we get married." I assure him for the millionth time.

"Shouldn't we wait until we ARE married?" He asks, and I roll my eyes. "I know you're rolling your eyes at me, Anastasia." He says, his tone a warning.

"We already have a child together, and we live together, Christian. The marriage thing is just a technicality to please the masses at this point."

"I guess so." He says, though I know he's unsure.

He's worried that we won't get pregnant, that we won't be able to, and I'll be even more disappointed, so he's trying to put it off.

"I love you, Christian." I murmur as he's pulling off my panties. He freezes, and reaches forward, untying my hands and rolling me over in quick succession.

"Let's make a baby." He says softly, moving over my body and kissing my lips.

He cradles my face in his hands as if I'm the most precious thing he's ever held, and I smile against his lips. He wants our baby borne of our love, just like CJ, not conceived in a moment where we forced ourselves to be intimate despite being angry at each other.

…

"Ana!" Jose says, standing up as I approach the table, Taylor following close behind.

"Hi." I say, feeling incredibly nervous and self-conscious.

He leans in for a hug, and I feel myself stiffen. I'm thankful when Taylor places a hand on Jose's chest and silently shakes his head 'no' at Jose's action.

"You hired a bodyguard to come to lunch?" He asks, sitting back down as Taylor pulls out my chair for me.

I murmur a 'thanks', and he nods before crossing his arms and standing behind me. I know he's not going anywhere, even if I ask him to go sit another table to give Jose and I can have some privacy. If I'm honest, I don't think I want him to go anywhere out of earshot. I would love for him to report back to Christian that nothing unsavory occurred during lunch.

"This is Taylor." I explain. "He's Christian's head of security."

I'm almost hesitant to mention Christian's name. Jose doesn't know we're back together, but the sooner I drop that bomb, the better.

"Grey?" He asks, his face screwing up in disgust the way it always did when he said Christian's name.

I nod, smiling apologetically as I show him the ring, though I'm not sure why I'm sorry.

"Surprise, surprise." He mutters sarcastically, and I suddenly feel like leaving. This isn't why I met with him.

"How are you? How was Prague?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Fine. I had a lot of time to think and take photos. It's a beautiful place to live." He says, nodding softly.

The waitress approaches and we order, though I thought ahead, ordering something I knew would arrive quickly and wouldn't take me long to eat, just in case I want to make a speedy getaway. At this awkward moment, I almost want to leave without eating.

"I heard about your accident." He says, and I nod uncomfortably.

I don't like discussing it. I'm still afraid to fly, and I've had a few nightmares about the crash.

"You look okay, though." He points out. "You look really good, actually."

"Well, a month of sleep will do that to you." I say, laughing nervously.

"Ana, I—I wanted to talk to you about something important." He says, and I watch him glance up at Taylor. "Can we speak in private?" He asks, leaning in and asking in a hushed tone.

I open my mouth to answer, but Taylor beats me to it.

"I have a two-foot radius." He says in the most serious voice I've ever heard from him.

I want to giggle because it's so funny to see Taylor go from giving CJ and Sophie pony rides by crawling around the great room on his hands and knees, to standing here in the restaurant in an all black suit with the darkest sunglasses I've ever seen shielding his eyes.

"Is this _his_ doing?" Jose asks, with a snarl.

"He's looking out for me, Jose. You're lucky he even agreed to let me come." I say, regretting the use of the word 'letting' immediately.

"So he controls you? Ana, that's not a healthy relationship." He says in a patronizing tone.

"Oh, and one where you throw me down the stairs is?" I snap. I've almost surely just revealed something to Taylor that he hadn't known about, and I feel myself blush with embarrassment.

I see Taylor tense from the corner of my eye, and his hand comes to rest on the back of my chair. I realize that Christian could have sent Sawyer with me, but he chose Taylor. He chose someone whom we consider family and a close friend. Taylor isn't just here as a body guard; he's the moral support that I refused from Christian.

"Ana… that was an accident. We both suffered after that incident." He says, reaching for my hand.

"Hands flat on the table." Taylor snaps, and I jump.

"Are you kidding me? Ana, this is stupid. Tell your muscle to go get you a latte or something." He says in an irritated tone.

"Jose, why did you call me?" I ask, wanting to cut to the chase and get the heck out of dodge.

"I want you back." He says softly, reaching for my hand again, but Taylor clears his throat, and I glance at him, watching as he feigns a casual move to hook his hand in his belt loop, subsequently move his jacket to reveal the handgun in his belt holster.

I shake my head; I don't even know what to say. I want to cry, or run away, or punch him in the face. Yes, I want to beat the shit out of him.

"Did you really think you could just show up after all this time, after everything that happened, and I'd just open my arms up to you and welcome you home?" I snap, and I can hear my voice escalating in volume as I speak.

"Ana, we had a rough go, but I think we can make it work. I just need you to try harder." He says. Why does he sound so patronizing?

I silently open my bag, reaching into my wallet and throwing down some money before getting up.

"Don't contact me again. I'm with the one I'm meant to be with. Nothing and nobody will ever take that away from me."

I turn to leave, nearly bumping into Taylor's chest, and stalk out of the restaurant.

I can hear Jose calling my name, but I don't look back. I also notice that Taylor isn't behind me. When I turn to see where he is, he's jogging to catch up to me. He must have stayed back and said something to Jose.

I didn't get the closure I needed. I didn't ask the questions I wanted to ask. I didn't find out why he was always so jealous and angry while we were together, but as I sit in the backseat of the Audi and watch Taylor's face visibly relax into his normal, friendly expression, I realize that I don't care anymore. I don't care about the why or why not. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, and nothing else, nothing from those five dark years, none of it matters anymore.

…


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I swear, scenes just keep getting bumped to next chapters. This is going on a lot longer than I expected, but I'm glad you're enjoying it so much! Thank you all for the follows/favs/reviews/Inbox Messages. Love them all & I read them all! You guys are super sweet!

EDIT: I've been told that there is still some confusion about when POVs change. Whenever you see these:

* * *

the POV is changing.

EDIT AGAIN: I see what you guys were talking about now with the weird POV. My laptop mouse is very sensitive, and what I meant to have in Christian's POV in the bit above Ana's was moved to the wrong spot. I can't believe I didn't notice it.

**Chapter 15:**

"Christian!" I call as I prance into his office, throwing myself into his lap and kissing him, my hands gripping both sides of his head.

It takes him a moment to kiss me back, and he's not as enthusiastic as I'd hoped, so I pull back and look at his face.

He clears his throat, and smiles softly, leaning around me to look at his computer screen.

"Gentlemen, you'll have to excuse me. This is my fiancé, Miss Anastasia Steele." He says, and I realize in that moment that he's in the middle of a video conference with his people at the shipping yard in Taiwan.

"Hello." I say, slowly, shamefully, pulling myself out of Christian's lap and backing out of his office with an apologetic look.

I'll just have to tell him the good news later. If I'm not dead.

…

When Christian walks into our bedroom an hour later, I'm lying in bed waiting for him.

"Was there a reason for that… interesting display?" He asks with a raised brow, and I bite my lip, purposely trying to divert his attention to something else.

"I got some really good news." I say softly, but his expression remains stoic.

I'm glad I decided to debut this little number I've got on. I think it'll help my cause. I pull the covers down and crawl across the bed toward him.

"What are you doing?" He asks; he doesn't look impressed.

Granted, I wouldn't be either. I'm wearing a black tank top and matching boy-short style panties, but I know he'll enjoy the view momentarily.

"I assume you want to punish me for what I did during your meeting?" I ask, feigning innocence.

"Like you wouldn't believe. That is exactly why I tell CJ to knock first. I thought I could expect more from you, Anastasia." He scolds, and I do my best to look positively contrite as I turn around and lean over, pushing my bottom up in the air.

I close my eyes, waiting for his reaction, and I'm soon rewarded with a chuckle and a low growl.

"You thought this would save you, didn't you?" He whispers, running his index finger up and down the back of my bare thigh.

"Yes, sir." I whisper, his touch sending shivers down my spine.

"Property of CG." He reads aloud the white lettering on the rear of my panties. "I like these." He says before his palm comes down hard on my backside.

I gasp, forcing myself to hold still as my skin tingles where he struck me.

"So what was it you needed to discuss with me?" He asks, his tone all casual and he slides the shorts down to my knees and admires his handy work – literally.

"I spoke with Jerry Roach at SIP tonight." I say, my voice strained and gaspy, and much less casual than his. "I got the editor job. I start Monday."

"Congratulations, baby." He says before he spanks me again, skin to skin to this time. "We should celebrate."

"I tried that." I mutter in mock petulance, giggling as he picks me up by the waist and tosses me back down onto the bed on my back.

…

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!" Christian and CJ chant as we walk down the street toward the ice shop.

"Okay, children." I scold mockingly. "Calm down, or there will be no ice cream for either of you."

"But mommy!" They both whine in unison, and I grin, shaking my head at my fiancé.

"Danielle!" CJ screams, pointing at a couple walking toward us on the sidewalk.

"You know her?" I ask, stopping to look down at CJ.

"No, we don't know her. Let's go get hotdogs before ice cream." Christian says, trying to turn us around.

"Yes we do, Daddy! It's your friend, Danielle!" CJ shouts, yanking her hand from Christian's and running toward the woman and the man whom, I realize that I know.

"Ana?" Jack asks, shocked as he gives me an appraising once over.

"Jack, wow, how are you?" I ask, peeling my daughter off of the startled woman's legs.

She hasn't said anything yet, and I'm suspicious.

"I'm not bad." He replies as Christian approaches.

"Still working at SIP?" I ask, wondering if I'll be his colleague now, instead of his assistant.

"No. I've decided to take an extended vacation. Maybe do some travelling." He says awkwardly.

"Ana, let's go." Christian says, nudging my arm.

The woman finally looks up, staring wide-eyed at Christian.

"This is her?" She whispers, and Jack glares at her, causing her to look back down at the ground.

I know that reaction. My eyes widen as the realization of who this woman is to Jack and was to Christian washes over me.

"We have to go." I say, my tone sounding as numb as I'm feeling as I pick CJ up and turn around, carrying her away.

Christian catches up quickly, placing his hand on my lower back. I try to speed up, to get out of his reach, but his legs are longer than mind, and he can match three of my strides with one, keeping the pace quite comfortably.

"I would like to communicate that –"

"Oh, you and Flynn can shove your communication where the sun don't shine!" I snap, glaring at Christian as Taylor opens the car door for us to climb into the back.

"Anastasia…" He says, cocking his head to the side. "It's not what you think."

"How do you know what I think?" I challenge, buckling CJ into her seat and sliding into mine.

"We should wait until we get home to discuss this." He says, and I roll my eyes deliberately to irritate him.

"That was nice to see Danielle, huh guys?" CJ asks, grinning from one of us to the other.

"Yes, she looks well." Christian says casually, but I can tell he's silently begging our daughter to stop while he still has his head.

…

* * *

Anastasia is livid. She's pacing the bedroom like a trapped animal. I think she's trying to control her anger. She's all about using Flynn's 'toolbox', which include not saying things in anger that you'll regret later. The toolbox is probably why, upon closing the bedroom door, she fisted her hands at me and stopped herself halfway through calling me a son of a bitch and changed course to say that she adored my mother.

I tried not to laugh. I really did, but she's so damn adorable when she's angry. She's been silent for a long while now, pacing back and forth as I sit on the bed watching her warily.

"Please, don't leave me." I whisper, beginning to feel insecure. I can't help it. My fucked up life strike again.

"I'm not leaving!" She shouts before grunting and crossing her arm, resuming her pacing after glaring at me for a moment.

"Please, correct if I'm wrong when I assume that you introduced our daughter to one of your subs?" She finally asks, and I'm relieved that she's actually speaking calmly.

"Ana, yes, technically, I did. It was the first night I had her. She wet the bed. I didn't know what the protocol was. I just needed someone to help her get cleaned up. She's the only woman I knew I could ask to help me." I say, speaking quickly in case she tries to cut me off, but she's listening attentively – thank you, Flynn!

"You were really a sinking ship with all this, weren't you?" She asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You had no idea what you were doing, and she was just thrust into your life."

"Basically, but I think I did all right." I point out.

"You did. You're a wonderful father, Christian." She says, and I realize that we aren't going to argue about this.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable that I did that." I say.

"I'm sorry I was so quick to judge your motives." She replies, leaning on my shoulder. She chuckles softly, and I look down at her face. "I honestly thought, because of your whole, substitute Ana thing, that you had tried to replace me in all aspects of your life… and CJ's."

I can't help but laugh.

"Nobody could ever replace you, as CJ's mother or my love." I whisper. "Nobody comes close to the authentic model." I say, nibbling her ear.

"We left CJ with Taylor." She murmurs, but she makes no moves to stop me when I press her down into the bed.

"We should try again. Right now." I whisper, and I know she won't decline. She's been 110% on top of—and beneath—operation baby.

In the back of my mind, I'm concerned for Danielle. I don't trust Hyde as far as I can throw him, but I have my family to take care of, and Danielle is a big girl. She wouldn't enter into something without agreeing to the terms.I was aware that she had a new dom, but as per our parting agreement, our ties were severed upon her entering into a new relationship.

…

* * *

"Are you nervous?" I ask, sitting on Grace and Carrick's bed with Mia, while Kate's mother adjusts the gown.

"Not so much for the marriage part. What we've gone through together, Elliott and I will be an amazing team. I'm more nervous about the wedding part." She says, laughing uncomfortably. "I'm afraid I'll forget my vows."

"Forget the words you wrote down." I tell her. "Speak from the heart."

I know she'll do fine. She's a pro at public speaking. Her valedictorian speech when we graduated can attest to that.

"How does the yard look?" She asks, changing the subject.

"It's no Barbados…"I say, feeling guilty.

"Anastasia Rose Steele, shut your freaking mouth about Barbados!" She scolds me. "I am marrying the love of my life today. Nobody wants to hear you complain about the awesome vacation you missed." She teases, knowing that I'm really concerned about the fact that she's not getting married in her dream location like she had originally planned.

"I'm so sorry! Send Bridezilla back into her cage." I say, raising my hands in defense. "The yard looks beautiful. It's like a dream." I murmur as Grace walks in slowly, smiling from ear to ear.

"It's show time, ladies." She says, clapping her hands together before heading out of the room with all of us in tow.

…

I sigh, smiling as I watch Christian sway slowly around the dance floor with our daughter up in his arms. The wedding was beautiful. Kate's vows were perfect and eloquent. She and Elliott are going to be so happy together.

I watch, as the song ends, Elliott walk over to Christian and CJ. They exchange some words, and I grin as Elliott takes CJ into his arms, and Christian, ever the perfect gentleman, extends his hand to my best friend, offering her this dance. I couldn't be any happier than I am, watching my family in this moment.

"May I have this dance?"

I look up and smile at my future father-in-law, allowing him to help me to my feet and lead me out onto the dance floor.

…

* * *

I'm in the kitchen, fetching CJ something to drink when I hear my mother's voice coming from the other room. I follow the sounds of her hushed tones into the living room and find her sitting on the sofa. She hasn't noticed me, or she's choosing not to acknowledge me, but either way, she doesn't look up.

"Just 18 months old?" She asks, her voice sounding pained. "Just like my Christian." She says after a moment, obviously responding to whomever she's got on the phone. "I'm hosting my eldest son's wedding, Caroline." She says, and I recognize the name;

Dr. Caroline Ames is the Dean of Emergency Medicine at my mother's hospital, and my mother's direct superior.

"Oh, god help us if we never stop seeing cases like this. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Mom?" I ask, drawing her shocked eyes toward me. "Is everything all right?"

"Darling, I have to leave. They need me at the hospital. Will you please apologize to Katherine and Elliott. I'll try to be home tonight, but I'm just not sure." She says, stepping toward me and taking both my hands into hers. "Christian…" She says, her voice cracking as she reaches up and hesitantly touches my cheek.

She needs me. She's brokenhearted. I can tell by her face and her shaky movements. I was the cause of this look recently, when she found out about Elena and I. It's happening again to her, and I hate it.

I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her small frame, and burying my face in her hair. She smells good. I've always thought this. She smells like warmth and home and love.

"Go to him." I say softly. "Elliott will understand. That little boy needs you right now. Just like I did. Just like I always will."

When I release her, she gently fans her eyes, trying to dry her tears. I reach into my breast pocket and remove the white silk square, gently dabbing her cheeks for her.

"Thank you, darling." She whispers, taking the square from my hand and leaning up to kiss my cheek.

"Taylor will drive you." I say, sending him a message to meet my mother at her car.

She nods, and I offer her my arm, escorting her out the front door and down the driveway toward where she's parked by the street to leave space for the guest to park closer to the house.

…

* * *

I wake up, though I'm not sure what's woken me, and roll over to curl up next to Christian's body. I blindly feel the empty space in the bed next to me and realize he isn't here.

"Christian?" I mumble, wondering if he's in the bathroom, but the light is off and the door is wide open.

I climb out of bed, picking up his t-shirt off the floor and slipping it over my head. The melancholy strains of the piano begin to flood my ears as I grow nearer to the great room. I watch him play, manipulating the keys of his piano with such grace as I stand, unnoticed, in the darkened doorway.

He pauses, and I think he's noticed me, but he lifts his blackberry up off the seat next to him and answers it in a hushed tone.

"Do you need anything?" He says, and I wonder who he's speaking to.

He's been distant and quiet since before we left the wedding, but he hasn't spoken to me. I'm worried.

"A change of clothes?" He asks, as I quietly walk into the room and stand next to him. "I'll see if I can find something. I'll be there soon."

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He turns, his wide grey eyes staring up at me, and pulls me gently into his lap where he remains seated on the piano bench. He wraps his arms around my waist, burying his face in my hair, and kisses my neck.

"I need to bring some small clothes over to my mother at the hospital. Does CJ have any pajamas that she won't miss?" He asks, and I nod, rising from his lap and taking his hand as we walk down the hall to our daughter's room. He stands in the doorway, letting the light from the hallway gently flood the dark bedroom, so I can dig through CJ's dresser drawers.

I pull out a pair of dinosaur pajamas and a few plain, solid coloured t-shirts, wondering just how small Christian is looking for.

"Her old clothes are in the box upstairs. We might have better luck in there." I tell him, shrugging apologetically at the meager offerings I came up with from her drawers.

He nods, and stares at CJ's sleeping form for a long moment before closing the door and following me upstairs to what used to be the submissive suite, but is now where we've been storing all of my unorganized boxes from the move.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask as he gets dressed in our bedroom, the bag of CJ's hand-me-downs on the chair by the door.

"No, you sleep. Stay with CJ." He murmurs softly.

"I love you, Christian." I whisper, standing in front of him and forcing his eyes to meet mine.

"We are so lucky, and our daughter is so blessed." He says, his eyes filling with tears. "She will never know… she'll never have to experience …"

I stroke his face, wiping the tears away from his cheeks. I know, whatever is happening at the hospital, whatever tore Grace away from Kate and Elliott's wedding and has left my fiancé sleepless and broken, it's something he's protecting CJ and I from.

"She's lucky to have you to protect her from whatever it is, Christian, from all the evils in the world." I assure him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my cheek against his chest. "We'll be here when you get back." I say, tilting my head up to kiss him before he picks up the bag and leaves me standing alone in our dusky bedroom.

…

* * *

When I get into the Emergency Room, a nurse directs me to where my mother is waiting. She's in a small exam room, sitting in a chair with a small bundle cradled in her arms. He's wrapped in a blue blanket, but I can see his fine, blond hair contrasting against my mother's deep purple evening gown.

"I brought some things." I say, holding the bag up. "I stopped at the house and got you something else to wear as well." I tell her, and she smiles gratefully, gently rocking the boy in her arms and humming softly.

"I just wanted him to have something more comfortable than the pajamas we have here." She whispers, rising carefully from the chair and placing him gently into the hospital crib next to her. "Would you sit with him a moment while I go and change, Darling? There's been a motor vehicle collision, so everyone is bustling around. I don't want him to wake up alone with all the chaos surrounding him."

I nod, handing her the bag with her change of clothes in it and sitting down in the chair she's just vacated. I stare at the boy. He looks much smaller than a one year old, but I haven't much experience to compare his size to. People often comment on how petite CJ is, but I never noticed. I thought she was the appropriate size, though I now try to ensure she eats more.

The boy fusses, and I freeze, afraid that any movements will cause him to wake fully. I watch his face as it contorts and relaxes, going taut and his mouth opening and closing repeatedly. He looks as if he's having a terrible nightmare, and I feel like I should wake him from it. Save him from whatever is haunting his dreams.

There's no need, though, because his eyes flutter open and he whimpers, rolling onto his side and reaching his hand through the metal rails of crib, toward me.

"Hello, little guy." I whisper, frowning and letting him grasp my finger.

He whimpers again, sounding like a sad puppy, and I stroke his hair with my free hand.

"You're all right now, buddy." I say, keeping my voice soft and soothing. I don't want to spook him.

He sits up, gazing at me, his large blue eyes surrounded by dark circles and his chubby cheeks red. His body is so thin, but his stomach is distended. I know what this means. Many of the photos of me during the first few months I lived with Grace and Carrick look like this. It's the work of malnutrition. I notice a small bandage on his forearm and wonder what happened to him.

He raises his tiny arms toward me, and I don't hesitate, lifting him up and holding him close to my chest. We sit, and I pull his blanket tighter around him as he buries his face in my neck, whimpering softly while I rub his back.

"Congratulations. Today is your day. You're off to great places. You're off and away." I recite, hoping I can remember enough of the book to keep him calm.

He watches me with his big blue eyes as I speak, reciting CJ's favourite book from memory. His thumb is tucked in his mouth, and I wonder if he might be hungry, though I know I need to wait for my mother to return before I try to give him anything.

"Did he wake?" She says, returning a few moments later.

The boy is still in my arms, though now he's clutching a soft bear that Ana tucked into the bag from a box of CJ's old toys.

"Yes." I reply softly, standing up to give my mother the chair, though I keep the boy cradled in my arms.

She sits, and extends her hands, but I don't want to let him go.

"We're all right. Why don't you rest?" I suggest, swaying slowly and softly humming the tune my mother was humming, though I'm unsure what it is or how I know it.

She smiles, and rests her head against the back of the chair, her eyes drifting closed. It's not long before the boy's eyes close as well, and he stops sucking his thumb, though it rests just between his slightly closed lips.

…

When I arrive home, it's nearly 7AM, and I find Ana and CJ in the kitchen. Ana is cooking, and CJ is sitting at the bar, talking a mile a minute.

I silently walk over to CJ, pulling her chair out, and I lift her up into my arms, holding her tightly to my chest and kissing her hair.

"I love you so much, Christian." I whisper against her soft curls. "You are so loved." I say more firmly, leaning back to look at her face. "Do you know that?" I ask, and she nods.

She looks sleepy, and I realize they're probably just waking up.

"You want some waffles, Daddy?" She asks, her voice still gravelly.

"Yes, please." I say, sitting down on a chair and holding her tightly in my lap.

I can see Ana glancing back, wanting to ask me what happened last night, but I can't talk about that baby, not in front of my own baby.

…

* * *

"He was so tiny and sad, but he barely made a sound, like he was afraid to." Christian says, pulling my back more firmly against his chest as we sit in the tub. "He came in with a huge open wound on his arm, Ana. It took seven stitches to close it. I can't even imagine seven stitches fitting across his arm." He says.

I stroke Christian's arms where they lay across my stomach.

"They estimate that his mother died two days ago." He whispers. "A neighbour called the police because they boy was wandering the halls of their apartment building in his dirty diaper. He doesn't even cry. He just makes this quiet squeaking sound."

I can tell that this is hard for Christian. He lived this, or something very much like it. He's in pain, and he knows what this boy has been through.

"What's his name?" I ask softly.

"The neighbour said he doesn't have one. They just called him the most vulgar names they could think of." He says, sounding just as disgusted as I feel. "The hospital has been calling him Johnny Doe. That's just what they call all the unidentified children that come through." He explains.

"Are you going back to see him?" I ask, looking up at his sad grey eyes.

"I'd like to. I thought we could bring him some more things, some toys…" He says. "I don't want him to feel lonely." He whispers, and I nod.

Christian needs to do this for himself as much as he needs to do it for that baby boy.

"Would you like some company?" I offer, hoping he'll accept my support now that he's finally opened up to me about this.

"What about CJ?" He asks.

"Mia offered to take her for the afternoon, so that I could clean out that upstairs bedroom, but it can wait if you'd like me to come with you." I explain.

"Make sure Sawyer and Prescott go with them." He says, and I realize this is his roundabout way of telling me that he'd like me to go with him.

…

* * *

"You're so beautiful." Ana murmurs softly, rocking the little boy in her arms and stroking his cheek with her index finger. "You're a perfect little angel." She continues, whispering sweet words to him.

He's watching her with his giant blue eyes, clutching her other hand to his chest as she speaks to him.

"Mama." He murmurs, and I watch Anastasia's entire world come crashing down around her.

"No, sweetheart." She coos at him. "Mama's not here."

She looks so natural, rocking the baby in her arms, comforting him. I wish I could give her the baby she wants so desperately.

…

* * *

"They're sending him to a foster home tomorrow morning, Christian." Ana tells me as if I don't already know that the boy we've been visiting at the hospital every day for a week will be leaving us soon.

"I know." I say softly, pulling her closer to me and wrapping the covers more firmly around us.

"Can I ask you something?" She says, and I look down into her eyes.

"Anything." I reply honestly.

"Have you ever considered that maybe… maybe we're not meant to conceive our child, but that we're meant to meet him instead?" She asks, and I know exactly where she's going with this line of questioning.

"No, I never considered that possibility." I admit truthfully.

I just assumed we'd keep trying until she got pregnant, regardless of what fertility procedures we had to endure.

"Do you think maybe we could look into what is required for temporary foster care?" She asks, blinking up at me with pleading eyes.

"Ana…" I warn. I knew she'd grow attached to him, though I can't deny that I'm feeling the same way.

"Christian, it'll just be temporary, until he finds a permanent home. I don't want him to go to some foster home with six other kids and people he doesn't know." She says, knowing that I am aware of the number of kids who fall through the cracks in the system.

"I'll speak with my mother in the morning." I tell her, flicking off the bedside lamp and pulling her into my arms.

…

"He should have a name before he leaves." Ana says, snuggling the baby boy in her arms. He's really warmed up to her. He even whines a little when she leaves.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask, knowing there isn't any point in arguing with her. "The foster home will name him." I tell her.

"Oh, you'd be satisfied with him having just some random name that someone picked out of a hat?" She asks, sounding genuinely offended. "He needs a good name. Something strong, something that will help him succeed in being a strong young man with good values and morals." She whispers, kissing his nose.

"Elliott." I say, feeling shy as I recall the strength my brother confessed to me about when I'd first arrived.

"Little Eli." She whispers, giving him a nickname already as I'm sure CJ had hers almost immediately as well. "You think Elliott would mind?"

I shake my head. I know he won't mind because I'm not going to tell him.

"It's time for Johnny Doe to have his lunch. Dr. Trevelyan said you two were in here. Would you like to feed him?" A nurse asks as she enters the room.

"His name is Elliott." Ana whispers as I push the small table on wheels with Eli's tray of food toward her.

…

* * *

"Why can't he just live with us?" I ask the social worker, Miss Kipling. My heart is in a vice, and I'm cuddling Eli in my arms.

"You aren't registered foster parents." She explains to me for what has to be the hundredth time. "It can take up to three months for the process of becoming foster parents to be complete. Elliott needs to be placed as soon as he's released from the hospital this afternoon."

"What's the fastest we can do it?" Christian asks, stepping up to bat for me and this little angel.

"Off the top of my head…" She starts. "You're both over twenty-one, I assume."

We both nod.

"No criminal records?"

"No." I say quickly. "I have to get a new record check for work every six months, so I have a very recent one. And Christian's father is a lawyer, so you know he'd be disowned if he had one of those." I laugh nervously.

"Good." She says with chuckle. "There's an application and in home evaluations of where the child would live. You have to have one room per child. Up to date HIV/Aids tests, CPR and first aid certifications." She says, listing off more items. "There are four training sessions: 30-hours of PRIDE training, a training for youth with sexual behavioural problems as well as one for aggressive behavioural problems, and in addition to those, there is a six hour foster parent orientation."

"When are the training sessions?" Christian asks abruptly.

"We run the first three every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The orientation we have every Saturday morning. You can take a free CPR and First Aid course at the local community center."

"How much would it cost to expedite the process?" I ask, and Christian gapes at me. I'm sure I've beat him to the punch, and he's shocked that I'm willingly spending his money.

"Well, there really isn't a way to speed the process up. It's this way for a reason. We also require one of the parents to be a stay-at-home parent. I'm aware of your busy schedule, Mr. Grey, but what is your job like, Miss Steele?" Miss Kipling asks.

"Miss Steele works for my publishing company. She can work from home and have as much time as she needs to be with Elliott without any repercussions for taking an extended leave." Christian jumps in, and I whip my head toward him.

I want to scream at him. I knew it was too good to be true that I got this job, but right now is not the time or the place to hash out his control freak issues. I don't care what Flynn says about burying the anger until later. I've just shoved it in a hole and threw a mountain of dirt on top of it.

"So, we could potentially have him living with us in a week?" Christian asks, ignoring my surprise.

"I suppose that IS possible, but we'd need to place him sooner than that, and we try not to move children too many times if it's at all possible to avoid." Miss Kipling explains.

"Well, I'm sure I can buy you some time. I've just checked on Eli's blood work. It seems the laceration on his forearm is infected. I'd like to start him on intervenes antibiotics immediately and keep him for observation until they've had a chance to act." Grace says, standing in the doorway.

I wonder silently how long she's been standing there, but I'm grateful she arrived when she did.

…

Miss Kipling was right. The process can't be rushed, but that's all Christian and I have done for the past three days: rush around, trying to organize things and attend the training sessions as soon as they come up.

Unfortunately for us, Grace hasn't been able to find any more reasons to delay Eli's release. He's leaving for the foster home this afternoon, and I couldn't be more devastated. We're going to lose him. He's still a baby. There are already three families approved to meet him for permanent placement adoption.

"Get up." Christian says, coming into the living room where I've been slumped on the sofa eating ice cream directly out of the carton for the last hour since we said goodbye to Eli.

"I don't wanna." I whine petulantly.

I feel terrible. He was our baby. I could feel it. Eli was the baby that Christian and I were meant to have. We haven't had a chance to discuss the fact that he bought SIP in order to give me Jack's position, but we've been so focused on getting everything done for Eli, I just haven't had two minutes to think about being angry with him.

"We're going out. CJ is with Kate and Elliott for another two days. You and I are taking a trip." He says, taking my hand and hauling me off of the couch.

"Christian, I don't feel like going on vacation, okay? That's not going to magically fix all of this." I mutter, popping the spoon into my mouth and glaring at him defiantly.

He slowly removes the spoon from my mouth and the near empty ice cream carton from my hand, staring at me with humour in his eyes.

"Mustn't gain too much weight. You'll want to pack a bathing suit." Christian says, putting my frozen salvation on the bar and dragging me off to our bedroom.

…


	16. Chapter 16 and Epilogue

A/N: Wow! I was super surprised that some people have said they don't want Christian and Ana to adopt the little boy. I didn't see that coming, though we never know where the journey is going to take at this point – Actually, I know… you guys just don't. Just remember that whichever way it goes for them, the path will lead to their further growth and push them for other things. You'll see ;)

**Chapter 16: **

"Christian, this is beautiful." She whispers, leaning back against my chest as we sail toward out into the ocean on The Grace. "Thank you for bringing me out here." She continues, placing her hands over mine where they lay flat on her stomach.

"I thought you could use a day to get away from the world and just be one with the wide open space." I tell her, and she sighs.

"I don't know what it is about him, Christian, but I've never been more sure about needing someone in my life as I am with him." She says, turning to face me, to look up into my eyes with her own set a pleading baby blues.

"What about me? You're more sure about him than you were about me?" I ask, only slightly serious.

"Completely, but you're a close second." She teases.

"You love him." I say softly, not needing to ask. I could tell the moment I saw her hold him that he would win her heart.

"In unhealthy amounts." She admits sullenly.

"More than me?" I ask, raising my brows at her.

She thinks for a long moment before nodding slowly.

"In a different way, but in the same magnitude, yes." She finally says, resting her cheek again my chest as I stroke her salty sea blown hair away from her face.

"I'm quite fond of him too." I admit.

"You're afraid to admit that you're completely in love with that baby because you think we'll lose him forever." She says, wrapping her arms tight around my waist as I continue to steer.

"We've only just met him, Anastasia. We barely know him." I tell her, and she frowns at me.

"I am in love with that baby, Christian." She says adamantly. "I don't need to know anything else about him. He needs us. We understand what he's been through. We make sure he doesn't…"

"Turn out like me?" I ask, knowing that's what she thinking.

"That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say, we can make sure he doesn't go down the wrong path or grow up letting this affect him." She says, glaring at me. "You had some issues, Christian, but you turned into a good man. You could have been a terrible person, but you're not. You're a great person and a wonderful father. We could give Eli that chance."

"So could a multitude of other couples, Ana. We've just gotten back together. We aren't even married yet, and we won't be for another three months. I don't think we're ready to bring another child into our lives, especially one that will be such a challenge." I tell her, hoping to dissuade her.

I'm almost positive that we won't ever see Eli again. I don't want her getting her hopes up any further than they already are, only to be thrashed down.

"You're really being an asshole." She mutters, stepping out of the space between my chest and the steering wheel.

"Where are you going?" I call, unable to chase after her.

"To lay down. I'm feeling sea sick." She called back, climbing down into the cabin. I glance up at Mac as she slams the door.

He shrugs. I know he can't hear us, but her body language spoke loudly enough.

…

"Why are you in such a foul mood?" I ask as Hurricane Ana storms through the apartment in search of something.

"Oh, gee, I'm not sure. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I'm off to have my uterus scraped in hopes that it will help us have a baby." She snaps sarcastically, and I remember that she has an appointment with Dr. Greene.

"That… oh… that sounds very—unpleasant." I say, unsure of what one says in response to something like that.

She glares at me in silence, and I decide it's better to just leave her to her own devices. She hasn't been herself since we last saw Eli a week ago. I thought the sailing trip would help, but the argument we had only fueled her fire.

"Should I come with you?" I ask, and she shakes her head.

"You're babysitting Sophie and CJ while Taylor goes with Gail to settle her father into the nursing home." She says, and I nod. "You forgot?" She asks, crossing her arms.

"No, I just thought you'd be here to help me." I confess, silently pleading with her to stay.

"You'll be fine." She says, her voice much warmer as she steps toward me.

"So will you." I assure her, knowing she's afraid that all of these procedures will be pointless.

…

...

I arrive back as Escala and allow Sawyer to help me inside, my hand hooking inside his elbow. I'm sore and emotional, and all I want to do is go straight to bed… to sleep.

"You're back." Christian says, raising a brow at Sawyer briefly before taking my hand. "Do you need anything?" He asks, and I shake my head.

"I just need to lie down." I say softly.

"Sounds good." Christian says, and I glare at him.

"To sleep." I reply pointedly.

"Yes, I'm also quite exhausted. Two little girls attempted to give me a makeover today." He says, sounding horrified.

I giggle, and he smiles, lifting me into his arms.

"Where's CJ?" I ask, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Napping." He says simply as we pass her bedroom and walk into ours.

He places me down onto the bed as gently as possible before climbing in next to me.

"I have a meeting with Jerry Roach in a few hours." He says almost hesitantly. "Will you be okay while I'm gone?"

I nod sleepily, burying my irritation about this again. I could have the argument with myself. I know exactly why he did it and what he'll say. I know how I'll feel and how I'll respond, and I know we'll both get over it eventually because it's what we do, and although I feel betrayed and as if he doesn't believe in my abilities to land a decent job, I also know he does these things to ensure my happiness.

How can I blame him for wanting that? Besides, at what company, other than one owned by my future husband, would I be able to get hired and spend my entire first week working from home?

…

The last couple of months have been a blur of stress and guilt for me. There are now only three days until my wedding, and with my mother and Grace having basically planned the entire thing, I've almost forgotten.

"Can't you let it out a little?" My mother mumbles, not as discreetly as she thinks, to the seamstress.

"Maybe you could do a master cleanse." Mia pipes up as she gives the zipper a go.

I didn't realize I'd put on weight. Well, maybe I noticed a little bit. I guess living in sweats and eating ice cream for breakfast for three months will do that a girl. My work clothes have been somewhat snug, but not completely unwearable. Christian hasn't seemed to notice, or if he has, he hasn't said anything.

I roll my eyes at myself. He probably has noticed and is enjoying the new curves.

"I could let it out a touch, but I'm not sure it would help very much." The seamstress says, looking both apologetic and terrified.

I don't blame her. She's standing in the room with a bunch of Greys, and if Christian is unhappy… well, I don't think anyone wants to think about Christian unhappy right now.

"I told you to not to eat those two cheese burgers, Ana." Kate says, crossing her arms in her very Kate-ly manner.

"I was hungry!" I snap. "I'm always hungry! I feel terrible about Eli going off into the world all alone. I just dropped the ball on this one thing. Can everyone just stop saying how FAT Ana has gotten, and think of productive ways to fit me into this stupid dress!"

I take a deep breath. Why am I still so emotional about this? I'm almost positive I'm just feeling guilty about Eli. He's all alone, and I feel like a terrible person for not helping him.

"What if we replace the zipper with some matching fabric and ribbon corset closure in the back?" Grace suggests, and I look hopefully at the seamstress.

"We could try that. Why don't you come back in tomorrow afternoon? I'll make sure I have it adjusted for you to try by then." She says and I want to hug her, but I'm sure it's not appropriate.

…

"Christian, I've gained weight." I tell him, sitting down and staring at my dinner with contempt.

"I know." He says, running his hand up my thigh and smirking at me.

"It's not funny. I'm so fat, my wedding dress doesn't fit." I grumble.

"You sure you're not…" He stops himself, and I watch him warily as he thinks of the words he doesn't want to say aloud.

"Positive." I mutter softly, moving my food around on my plate.

My cycle has been normal. At the advice of Dr. Greene, we've stopped actively 'trying' to get pregnant, and just decided to relax—or try to anyway; we haven't had the most relaxing past few months.

"I don't think you're fat, mommy." CJ pipes in as she holds a long noodle between her thumb and fore finger, dangling it over her open mouth.

"Thank you, sweetie." I say, smiling at her. "Let me help you." I offer, getting up and abandoning my dinner to sit next to her.

"Ana, you need to eat." Christian murmurs, and I bite my lip.

I can feel his eyes on me as I twirl the pasta around the fork and put it in CJ's mouth.

"What do you say to a special girls' day?" I ask, looking at CJ, but asking more to get Christian's approval.

I like to assume that I don't need to ask, but I know it help him to feel like he's in control, so I do it anyways. Compromise.

"That should be nice for you two. I know a great spa." Christian murmurs as he takes a bite of his dinner.

"Which spa?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"The only one I kept when I liquidated all of Mrs. Robinson's shops." He admits. "The renovations just finished actually. I think you girls will like what I've done with it. Andrea did all of the hiring for me, and Welch did the backgrounds. I think it will be a very successful investment."

"So full of surprises, buying out businesses all over the place." I say, trying to hide my smile. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it was a surprise. It's done early though, so why not? Consider it a pre-wedding gift for CJ." He says, and I raise a brow.

"For CJ?" I ask, standing up and taking a step toward him.

I grip the back of the chair as a wave of dizziness hits me, and Christian is immediately a my side, his hands on my body for support.

"Are you okay?" He asks, looking into my eyes.

"I think I just need to eat." I say, nodding as I sit back down.

"I think I should call my mother." He says, looking worried.

"I'm fine. Don't be mad…" I say slowly, knowing I'll be in for a lecture.

"You didn't eat today, did you? Anastasia, I don't care if you think you look like a whale. You need to eat!" He scolds, picking up my fork and winding the pasta around it. "Open your mouth." He commands and I eye him petulantly, but I do as he asks.

…

"Come on, Ana, push! You can do it!"

I scream, punching Claude, Christian's personal trainer, square of the boxing pads covering his hands, followed by the kick to the pad on his stomach.

"Good!" He says encouragingly.

"How's she doing?" Christian asks, coming into the gym room upstairs, freshly showered and dressed in slacks and t-shirt after his own workout with Claude.

"She's doing great. She's a feisty one." Claude says, and Christian laughs because he knows better than anyone just how feisty I can get.

"Is this your ipod?" Christian asks, looking at the small device in the speaker dock.

"Yea." I answer, throwing another punch at Claude. "I forgot to hit play. I got too into this."

Christian nods, pressing the play button on the dock and sitting down to watch. A couple of songs blare through the system, getting me my zone and I can feel myself sweating. It feels good to be working off some of that ice cream.

I freeze as the words to the current song catch my attention. I turn to look at Christian to see his reaction, and he's smirking at me with amusement.

"I love this song." Claude says, oblivious to the irony of the lyrics. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me." He sings, taking his stance, prepared to receive another punch.

"I like to run to this. It has a good beat." I mutter, glad that my flushed skin can be blamed on the workout.

…

"Big day tomorrow, huh?" Christian asks as I smile at him on the iPad screen.

Our mothers said it was bad luck to be together the night before the wedding. They didn't say anything about video chatting.

"Are you scared?" I ask him, admiring the princess poster behind his head in his childhood bedroom.

"A little. I found out today that the woman I'm marrying is excited by whips and chains." He says in mock indignation.

I laugh aloud, rolling my eyes dramatically with the knowledge that he's nowhere nearby to punish me for it.

"I love you, Mrs. Grey." He murmurs.

"I'm not Mrs. Grey, yet." I tease, and he grins.

"I know, but I love how it sounds in my head. I just wanted to try it out loud." He admits.

"And?" I ask.

"It's perfect, like my future wife."

"I love you, Mr. Grey." I say softly before we end the call and I roll over onto Christian's side of the bed.

…

* * *

I watch from the end of aisle in my parents' backyard as the music starts and the bridal party begins moving toward me. Kate looks lovely, for Kate. CJ is stunning as she gingerly drops flower petals on her way.

I gasp as Anastasia comes into my view. I meet her eyes, and my face erupts in a smile. I have never, in my entire life, seen anyone look so beautiful, so radiant, so perfect, and she's all mine.

My Ana.

The ceremony is a blur; I can't stop staring at her. She holds my elbow as we make the return trip down the aisle together. She's my wife.

"Would you like a glass of champagne, Mrs. Grey?" I ask as we make our way to the marquee for the reception.

"I'm actually feeling a little hot." She says softly.

"You look pretty hot." I murmur, kissing her forehead. She smiles slightly, but I can tell she's not feeling well.

"It's probably just nerves, baby, from being on display for everyone you know all day." I say, brushing a curl out of her eye. "Let me get you a water." I say, pulling out her chair for her and reaching for the glass pitcher of ice water on the table in front of her.

I give her an apologetic smile when the MC introduces our first dance, but she grins happily, her ill feelings forgotten and takes my hand. I lead her out onto the dance floor as the photographers and guests watch.

The song, our song, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, begins to play softly, and I hold her close, staring down into her eyes. Grey to blue. The words are perfect for us.

"All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow, one step closer." She whispers along with the lyrics as we sway.

"I have died every day waiting for you, darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years." I whisper back.

"I'll love you for a thousand more." She replies, smiling up at me.

…

"Who was that?" I ask, walking into my study as Ana hangs up the phone.

"That was Miss Kipling." She says, raising a brow at me.

"We should go, baby. We're going to miss our flight." I say, trying to usher her out of the room.

"You own the plane. It leaves when you say so." She replies sharply. "She was just calling to confirm that you still wanted to stop by and see how Eli was doing at the group home." She says, looking hurt.

"I didn't want to tell you that his foster family didn't work out, Ana. I didn't want you to be hurt, but I knew you'd never forgive me if I didn't keep an eye on him. I've been checking in with Miss Kipling regularly to ensure that Eli isn't slipping through the cracks." I say, trying to keep her calm and appeased.

"Christian, how can we go off to the South of France, knowing he's all alone in some orphanage?" She asks, and I sigh.

"They're called group homes now." I correct her because it's all I can do at this point.

"How is he?" She asks, and I almost dread having to tell her that he's having some issues with regression and will barely eat.

"He's been diagnosed with something called Failure to Thrive." I tell her.

"We aren't supposed to have secrets, Christian." She says, and I know she's right. She's going to have field day in Flynn's office the next time we go to our therapy session.

"You were finally beginning to get past this. I just want you to be happy." I tell her, though I feel guilty for keeping this from her. "I didn't want to get your hopes up."

"For what?" She asks, crossing her arms and glaring at me.

I sigh. I have to tell her everything now.

"I've been working with Monica, Miss Kipling, to arrange for Eli to stay with us. I've taken all the training sessions, and I've given her everything she's asked for. You need to do the foster parent orientation that you're missing, and they need to evaluate our home, but if all goes well, they can let him stay here." I explain. "But only until they find him a permanent home." I stress, seeing her smile expand over her entire face.

"I love you so much. You're, quite literally, the best husband in the world." She says, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me.

It starts out chaste and gentle, but I can feel the urgency she has as she presses her body into mine. I groan as she lifts one leg up, hooking it around my hip. I grasp the backs of her thighs and lift her onto the surface of my desk, pushing everything onto the floor in the process.

"Whatchya doin'?"

Ana chokes, and I help her to her feet. We scramble to look innocent as we smile at CJ, standing in the doorway with a grape juice mustache.

"Just talking, Princess. What are you doing?" I ask in return.

"I bet you guys was kissing!" She groans, rolling her large grey eyes at us.

"You caught us!" Ana says, shrugging in mock shame.

"You will get cooties and die, Mommy." She says, her voice and face both very serious.

Ana laughs, shaking her head at me.

"No, it's okay because we're married. We kiss all the time, and mommy is just fine." I explain, with no help from my giggling wife.

CJ is eyeing us skeptically, but I think she's buying it.

…

* * *

"This is the room we were hoping for him to have." I say, opening the door for Miss Kipling to enter. "We're going to redecorate, make it more appealing for him."

"This is very nice. I love the décor, actually." She says, walking into the room and looking around.

"My husband is an aviations enthusiast." I say, explaining the airplane motif going on in the room.

"I can tell you're both very enthusiastic about providing a home for Elliott. Most foster families don't go to this much trouble."

"It was no trouble at all." I say, smiling broadly. "I actually really enjoyed doing this."

As we leave the room, I close the door behind me and show her the rest of the house.

"What about this room?" Miss Kipling asks as we walk past the playroom.

"Oh that doors stays locked at all times. Only the housekeeper and Christian have keys to it. It's mostly just storage. Christian keeps equipment in there, a work bench, and old bedroom set. It's an antique, mostly things he's just reluctant to part with it." I say, hoping she doesn't push the subject.

"My father was the same way. As soon as I moved out, my bedroom was turned into a shrine to all of his junk." She laughs.

"I figure, with all this space, he can have one room to do whatever he wishes, as long as nobody else has to see it!" I laugh, more because I've made an inside joke with myself than anything.

As we finish with the tour, I offer Miss Kipling a cup of tea and we sit down in the great room to discuss Eli's current health.

"We had to remove him from the foster home because of the failure to thrive. The emotional connection wasn't there for these parents. He's not doing much better in the group home either, unfortunately. It's hard with children who have been through emotional turmoil. They have trust issues and many families don't know how to deal with that. They want the happy bouncing new born, not the angry toddler who bites." She explains, and I nod.

"Well, you may not know this, but my husband and both of his siblings are adopted. All three were born to adverse conditions, but, as I'm sure you can see, have done well in the Grey family." I say, hoping it will make us sound relatable. "We really want to provide the kind of home where Eli can reach his full potential and be surrounded by love."

"Your husband expressed an interest in being Eli's permanent home." She says, and I nod happily.

"Yes, we're both very interested in that prospect. We really are just so in love with Eli." I tell her. "We actually haven't been able to conceive again, and we've just got such a connection with Eli… it feels so right." I say wistfully.

"I'm glad to hear that." She says, and she looks genuine. I don't think she's just being polite.

…

"How should we tell CJ?" I ask, curling into Christian's side.

"I think we should wait until we're 100% sure he's coming to live here." He replies, squashing the big reveal I've let my imagination conjure up.

"I think she'll love being a big sister." I sigh, letting my hand under Christian's t-shirt.

"You're insatiable, Mrs. Grey." He mock scolds me, grabbing my hand and rolling until he's hovering over me. "Wanna play?" He whispers, reaching over to the bedside table and pulling a pair of leather cuffs out of the drawer.

I grin at him and nod, letting him take me over completely.

…

* * *

"CJ, sweetie, there's somebody we want you to meet." Ana announces as our daughter comes in the door from school with Sawyer.

"Is it a leppy-chaun?" She asks, tilting her head at us and glancing down at Eli sitting on Ana's lap.

"This is Elliott. He's going to live with us… and he's a baby, not a leprechaun." I reply, beckoning her over to sit on my knee.

"Can you return him?" She asks, looking confused. "Because I wanted a bike for my birthday, not a baby."

"Princess, your birthday isn't for two more days, and Elliott isn't your present. He's going to be part of our family. He's your new baby brother." I explain as Eli reaches his hand toward CJ. "He wants to hold your hand." I point out, smiling at her.

"Uhm, no thanks, Lelliott." She says, jumping off my lap and backing away. "I'm going to play." She says before scurrying off to her room.

"I'm sure she's just shocked." Ana points out.

We debated telling her, so she wouldn't be as blindsided, but we didn't want to get her hopes up if it wasn't going to actually happen.

"Eat." Eli says softly, and I jump to my feet, hurrying into the kitchen to make him something.

"Good boy, Elliott." Ana says, praising him for using one of the few words he knows.

His language skills are far below his age. At nearly two years old, he only has a handful of words he says, though he understand almost everything we say to him.

"How about some crackers and cheese?" I ask, bringing a small plate over to sofa and handing it to Ana.

"Do you want to play with me, Lelliott?" CJ asks, standing in the doorway with her arms full of wooden blocks.

"Eat." Eli says, picking up a cracker and attempting to stuff it into his mouth.

"Slowly, sweetie." Ana says, breaking the cracker in half and putting a piece in each of his hands.

"Look, Lelliott." CJ says, picking up a cracker and breaking it in half. She puts a small piece of cheese on one side and closes it, making a mini cheese sandwich and taking a bite. "It's a sammich."

"Sam." Eli says softly, reaching for the plate.

"Yea, sammich." CJ says, making another one and handing it to him.

"That's very nice of you to show him that, CJ." I say, stroking her hair.

"CC." Eli says, pointing to CJ, and she raises her brow at.

"CJ." She corrects.

"CC!" He squeals.

"Oh boy!" CJ says, rolling her eyes at him.

…

* * *

"She's so nurturing with him." I say, turning on the baby monitor and closing Eli's bedroom door.

"Did you expect her to be hostile? You raised her to have compassion. She still feels terrible about blaming Mrs. Robinson for spilling juice on my mother's sofa, and that was months ago." Christian says, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"I'm glad she's okay with this." I sigh, leaning on my husband.

"Are you still feeling under the weather?" He asks, touching my forehead.

"Yes, but I'm sure it's nothing. Stress maybe?" I reply, though I secretly purchased a home pregnancy test.

Aside from having my period come on time every month, I'm feeling unsure about my weight gain being solely the fault of my questionable eating habits. I haven't told Christian because I don't want him to get his hopes up, even though I threw Flynn's proverbial toolbox at Christian for keeping me in the dark about Eli.

"I think you should let mom run some tests." He says, as we walk into our bedroom.

"I'll see if I'm feeling better in the morning and then decide." I say before kissing his cheek and going into the en suite bathroom.

…

* * *

When I get in from work, Ana meets me at the foyer door dressed in a short black dress and heels that make her legs look phenomenal. I smile, hearing soft music playing in the background and seeing the ambient flicker of candle light coming from the other room.

"What have you been up to?" I ask, as she takes my hand and silently leads me over to the bar.

"Your table, Sir." She says, swaying her hips as she walks around to the counter.

"Whatever the chef has on special smells great, but where are the children?" I ask, sitting back to enjoy the view as she reaches up to get down two plates.

"They are spending the evening with your parents. I sent Sawyer and Ryan, and they will be back in t-minus three hours, so you need to stop asking questions and just enjoy your dinner." She says, placing a plate down in front of me.

"It's empty." I say, glancing questioningly at the plate.

"Would you like some baby carrots?" She asks, lifting the lid off of the steamed vegetable.

"Yes, please." I reply, watching her scoop them onto my plate.

"How about some baby corn?" She asks, lifting another lid.

I raise a brow at her, nodding as she places some onto my plate.

"Baby potatoes?" She asks.

"I'm sensing a trend here, Ana. Would you like to cut to the chase?" I ask as she drops the potatoes onto my plate.

"I'm not done yet." She says, grinning at me. "Baby cow?" She asks, revealing veal cutlets. "Okay, that's not as cute as the rest. It's kind of sad actually." She says, looking up as if she's trying not to cry.

"Ana…" I say in a warning tone, demanding her to tell me what is going on.

"Don't you want to see what I have for dessert?" She asks, looking hurt.

I nod, and she lifts the lid off of a smaller tray.

"What is that?" I ask, reaching forward and knowing damn well exactly what I'm looking at.

She smiles and shrugs as I glance from the stick to my wife and back again.

"Are you telling me that you're pregnant?" I ask, needing the confirmation.

She nods as I rise from my seat, my baby offerings forgotten, and lift her into my arms.

"How long have you known?" I ask, resting my forehead against hers.

"I found out last night. Your mother confirmed it for me today when I took Eli in for his check up." She replies.

"What about…" I start, unsure of how she feels about this now that we have Eli.

"Nothing changes, Christian. Well, we may have to change houses eventually, but these are our children, Christian, Elliott, and Blip." She says, placing her hand on her stomach.

"I guess this explains why you've been eating us out of house and home lately." I say, listening to the beautiful sound of her giggle.

"If you thought I was fat now…" She says, grinning at me.

"God, I can't wait to see your body change. You're going to be the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world."

"I know it's fast and unexpected, and all at once, but this is what I've always wanted, you and me, and our own family." She says. "You want this too, right? I haven't pushed you into some weird lifestyle that you think is completely insane?"

"It is faster than I'd have hoped. I mean… three kids, Ana? When are we going to have time for us?" I ask. "We'll have to get used to it. We'll get into a routine that fits our life." I nod firmly. "But this is it, right? We're going to stop after three?"

"Well… what about four or five… more?" She asks, and I feel myself physically pale before she breaks into a fit of giggles.

…

* * *

"I'm so glad we're finally having lunch." Kate says as we sit down at the table.

"I know! I have some big news." I say as I lift Eli out of the stroller and place him on my lap.

"Bigger news than 'we adopted a baby'?" She asks, having only heard this news a few weeks ago.

"Along the same lines." I say with a shrug.

She narrows her eyes at me, though I don't think she suspects I'm going to tell her that I'm pregnant.

"Well, I have some pretty big news to share, too." She says, grinning at me.

"You first." I insist, handing Eli his bottle.

"Elliott and I are going to be expanding our own family." She says, and she's positively beaming.

"You're having a baby?" I ask, trying to contain my excitement so that I don't spook Eli.

"Two actually." She says. "We're having twins."

…

"Did you hear something?" I ask, rolling over and shaking Christian awake.

"Yes, I heard you, asking if I heard something." He mumbles.

"No, listen." I say, reaching the baby monitor and holding it to my ear.

"What is that?" He asks as we both climb out of bed and hurry down the hall to Eli's bedroom.

We freeze in the doorway.

"Shhhhh, Lelliott. It's okay." CJ says, sitting in his crib with him, his head on her lap.

"What are you doing in there?" Christian asks as we quietly walk into the room.

"Lelliott woke up." CJ says, stroking his hair.

"I didn't hear him wake up." I say.

"That's 'cause I told him to be quite when I woked him up." She says, as if she's stating something I should already know.

"CJ, you can't wake him up in the middle of the night." Christian says, but I can't help but smile.

"I wanted to hug him." She says as Eli blinks up at us. His eyes are drowsy, but he has a small smile playing at his tiny mouth.

"Come on, it's back to bed with you both." Christian says, picking CJ up out of the crib and carrying her back into her own bedroom.

"Did your big sister wake you up?" I ask quietly, pulling Eli's blanket up.

"CC." He whispers, looking up at me.

"Yes, CJ is going back to her bed." I tell him, stroking his cheek with my finger. "You have to go back to sleep too."

He yawns, and his eyes drift close before I finally leave his room, meeting Christian in the hall before we head back to our room together.

We climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. We're both wide awake now.

"Since we're both up…" Christian says, sliding his hand under my tank top.

I grin, shifting to give him better access.

"We wanna sleep in the big bed!" CJ's voice beams from the doorway.

Christian clears his throat, discreetly removing his hand and sliding away from me. I roll my eyes and lift the covers on my side of the bed.

"Come on." I say, watching as Eli and CJ walk, hand in hand, over to the bed.

CJ climbs on, moving toward Christian's side of the bed as I lift Eli and plop him down between us as well.

"Now sleep." Christian says, his tone serious as we all cuddle down into the bed.

"You're so grumpy." CJ mumbles, snuggling against Christian's side.

"Somebody stole Daddy's animal cookies." I reply, trying not to giggle.

…

* * *

"Are we there yet?" CJ asks, and I roll my eyes. She's just like her mother: impatient.

"Almost." I reply, holding her hand as we walk down the street, Ana walking—waddling next to us, pushing Eli's stroller.

"This is it." I say, stopping in front of the store front.

"CKG Boutique Salon and Spa." Ana reads aloud.

"Now she can stop destroying her dolls. She can learn the trade if she likes." I explain, opening the door for my family to enter.

…

"Ana?" I hear as we leave the salon.

Ana and I both turn to see who's speaking, and I instinctively place myself between him and my family.

"Wow…" Rodriguez says, giving Ana's swollen belly a once over.

At eight months pregnant, she's not hard to miss, but I still don't like him eyeing my wife.

"Jose." She says, her tone clipped as she busies herself with adjusting Eli's blanket.

"You look … happy." He says as his eyes travel over CJ and Eli and then stop on me.

"I am." She replies before we turn and walk toward the Audi where Taylor is waiting.

As we pile the children into the car, I realize how happy we really are. Despite all of our crazy quirks, all of the shades we have and have acquired, we are happy.

Nobody can take that from us.

…

* * *

**Epilogue:**

"I want the truth!" I shout, striking her again.

"I was his nanny." She cries.

"He was your dom!" I demand, but she doesn't admit it.

I've kept her here, in my basement playroom for months, yet she still refuses to admit it. How dare he. He takes everything I want, gets to everything before me, first the Greys, then Anastasia Steele, now my own Danielle has been tarnished by Christian Grey. His life should be mine. The money, the family, it should all be mine.

"Please, this isn't what we agreed to, Jack." She begs.

"I didn't agree to having Christian Grey's LEFTOVERS!" I shout, letting the back of my hand strike her face with all of my strength. "We need to show him, teach him a lesson." I say, uncuffing her raw wrists and tossing the blanket at her.

"Ja—Master?" She asks cowering in the corner. "I just want to go home."

"This is your home." I say, slamming the door and locking her down in the dimly lit cellar.

She'll have some company soon enough.

...

-fin.

* * *

...

A/N: So, this is it guys! The journey was long, but I feel like it was so worth it! Keep your eyes peeled for the sequel!

The working title of the sequel is 'Gone, Baby, Gone'.

I'm still working on the outline for it, so it might be a while before I start posting.

Also, some of you were wondering about my Ana & Christian playlist:

Adele – Someone Like You  
Amos Lee – Arms of a Woman  
Amy Studt – Misfit (this was in the original trilogy)  
Lily Kershaw – As it Seems  
A Fine Frenzy – Ashes and Wine  
A Fine Frenzy – Almost Lover  
Bruno Mars – It Will Rain  
Daughtry – Life After You  
Dishwalla – Angels and Devils  
Ingrid Michaelson – Can't Help Falling In Love  
Jana Kramer – Why You Wanna?  
Jenny Owens Young – F*ck Was I  
Joshua Radin – Waiting on an Angel  
Ingrid Michaelson – Keep Breathing  
Linkin Park – Leave out all the Rest  
Mat Kearney – Ships in the Night  
Mayer Hawthorne – The Walk  
Nelly Furtado – Try (from the original triology)  
Paramore – Misery Business  
Patty Griffen – Heavenly Day  
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – Facedown  
Anthony Salari – Stupid Pretty Girl  
Sia – Breathe Me  
Gotye – Somebody I Used to Know  
Taylor Swift – You're Not Sorry  
Christina Perri – A Thousand Years  
Train – Drive By  
Taylor Swift – Last Kiss  
Missy Higgins – Where I Stood  
The Wreckers – Stand Still Look Pretty  
Jason Walker – Kiss Me  
Sara Remirez – Story  
Rihanna – S&M  
Bon Jovi – Always  
Auburn – Perfect Two  
Eagle Eye Cherry – Save Tonight


	17. GoneBabyGone SNEAK PEEK

A/N: A lot of you asked me to post here when I began posting the sequel to this story. I'm about half way through chapter four of the sequel, so I thought I'd let you know that Chapter One will be posted in the next day or so!

As always, I cannot express enough gratitude for the support and kind words that you've all offered me throughout the writing of this story, and I cannot wait to hear what you think about the sequel!

xo

**SNEAK PEAK:**

"Mrs. Grey, please ensure that you and the children are buckled properly." Sawyer says, and I meet Taylor's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, double checking CJ and Eli's seatbelts.

"We have a suspicious vehicle tailing us ma'am. We're going to attempt a maneuver to lose them." Sawyer says, sounding very professional.

"Have you called Christian?" I ask, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.

"I'm here, baby." Christian's disembodied voice says from the phone sitting in the speaker dock. "Just follow their instructions and buckle up." He continues, and I can hear the sound of his R8 through the phone. "I'm on my way. I'm tracking you on the GPS. I'll meet you and cut this fucker off."

"Okay." I murmur, glancing over my shoulder.

"How are my babies?" He asks, and I glance from our son to our daughter.

"They're sleeping." I answer, trying to keep my voice calm.

"Just relax then, baby. Let Taylor and Sawyer handle this."

"Christian…" I say, because it's all I can manage. I'm afraid, for me, but mostly for my children.

"I'm coming." He says, his voice adamant, drilling his promise into my head.


End file.
